Community Chat

[LilacTree]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

My suggestion is to acknowledge her feelings without taking sides or offering advice. You could say something like, that must have been stressful for you.

I suspect that when someone gets older and has health issues, those close to them unconsciously begin to prepare for losing them. I doubt they are even aware that they've distanced themselves somewhat. 

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@occasionalrain

your second paragraph is right on. This is happening to me, and I understand it even though it saddens me.  And I know they love me.  It’s just the cycle of life, as one generation passes, the next generation has to be ready to take the reins.

i believe my friend is fighting that.  I’m not.

[LilacTree]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

My suggestion is to acknowledge her feelings without taking sides or offering advice. You could say something like, that must have been stressful for you.

I suspect that when someone gets older and has health issues, those close to them unconsciously begin to prepare for losing them. I doubt they are even aware that they've distanced themselves somewhat. 

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@occasionalrain

your second paragraph is right on. This is happening to me, and I understand it even though it saddens me.  And I know they love me.  It’s just the cycle of life, as one generation passes, the next generation has to be ready to take the reins.

i believe my friend is fighting that.  I’m not.

[LilacTree]

I’m having trouble either with this iPad or the Q’s system in getting replies to post.  So if it seems I’m not responding, that is the problem.

[goldensrbest]

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@LilacTree wrote:

I’m having trouble either with this iPad or the Q’s system in getting replies to post.  So if it seems I’m not responding, that is the problem.

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Just glad to see you here.

[chiclets]

It is so nice to have the spirited Lilac Tree back!

You have a friend who is in need, and unfortunately she does not know she is in need of maybe getting help for her 'thinking' issues. She may be recuperating physically from the stroke but mentally she may have lost some of those little grey cells that Hercule Poirot always mentioned.

Maybe the best thing would be to allow her to yada, yada and with patience listen and chat not approving but not disapproving. Maybe you could somehow suggest she might chat with her doctor about the social issues that are bothering her. This may alert the doctor that maybe more is going on with her health than he realized. It might be a start for her to somehow get some professional to speak with.

Fellowship is so important in life and friends are a gift you give yourself. I can not imagine you walking away from a friend. It sounds as though you shared a wonderful friendship with this person. If it is not too straining for you, continue on with yada yada.

In any event you will solve the issue, and as always you will do it in the Lilac Tree way.

[LilacTree]

@chiclets

I so enjoyed your post.  I can’t respond right now but just wanted you to know that.  Will write more later.

[Shanus]

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@LilacTree wrote:

I have a lifelong friend, we’ve been “best friends” since we were eight years old.  We are now both eighty, soon to turn eighty-one.  She had a very serious stroke last fall from which she has recuperated very well, with just some weakness on her right side.  She is able to drive and do most of the things she used to do physically.

However, she has been fighting with practically every member of her family for the past few months and is always sending their texts to me and her responses for my advice on how she is handling these issues.  I know what she really wants is for me to agree with her.  Sometimes I can readily see that she herself is causing most of the problems, but so far I have managed to avoid saying anything that would upset her.

Today I called her and very carefully said she should consider dropping a particular issue she’s been having with a relative because I’m worried it is harming her health to get so upset.  She did not have a good reaction to that.

Some of you may tell me I should just stay out of it altogether, but if I did that, I know I would lose her friendship.  Other than these issues we have a good relationship, laugh a lot about old times and for those reasons I want to keep our relationship . . . We have known each other all of our lives and that’s a hard thing to throw away.

what do you think?

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@LilacTree I have heard that strokes can cause minor (or major) personality changes. Sending you these emails seem to be a fairly recent occurrence. I’d let her know that getting involved in personal, family situations could hurt your wonderful friendship. Maybe that will curtail her asking.

[dooBdoo]

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@LilacTree wrote:

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@dooBdoo wrote:

              @LilacTree,  I have nothing to add to the insightful and interesting comments here, but I wanted to say "hello," and send gentle (((cyberhugs))) your way.❤️

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@dooBdoo

I also agree the comments here are very wise, and what I have been doing for the most part.  It sometimes surprises me how nasty people can get with their own family members . . . And I have had that in my own family, as some of you may know.  

I will I’ll say though that at my age and state of health, I don’t participate in nastiness anymore even if it’s directed at me.  I don’t have the strength nor the inclination.  

Thanks for for your hugs, doobdoo.

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            You're welcome, @LilacTree.   I'm glad you're keeping the negativity at least at a substantial distance, and taking good and gentle care of yourself.   You remain in my prayers and in my heart.❤️

[dooBdoo]

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@LilacTree wrote:

I’m having trouble either with this iPad or the Q’s system in getting replies to post.  So if it seems I’m not responding, that is the problem.

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            This website has had major problems since well before the holidays, with no resolution in sight, @LilacTree.   So, please be aware it's not you or your device.    The problems have been reported again and again, but the IT "support" staff seem to be MIA (no surprise there).🙄

[wagirl]

@LilacTree---I am done giving any advice about anything to anybody---however.....I do give my OPINIONs on certain things, if I'm asked,  that I clarify with... but that is just me or my opinion-----seems to satisfy the need for any advice. I find most advice is shot down anyway so why bother---that makes me angry ---you asked me and now you reject what I said-----just my opinion, of course----