Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,213
Registered: ‎03-28-2010


Is she the type that complains?? My mother would complain about everything...even about things I thought she would love...even things she had mentioned she would like and forgot she had mentioned she would like and then didn't like. I just couldn't win.

My brother could do no wrong.

She does complain. I think she wants new carpet for her house. She's done this before. She'll go on and on about something that it's old or needs replacing, etc. She's done this for appliances. She bring it up all the time until my BIL caved and paid half for her new stove, microwave, dishwasher and fridge.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,285
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

If someone gave me a gift like a meat package I would just say thank you. Anything that I did not have room for I would pass on to a friend or neighbor who might like it. I would have never called any party to complain.

That mother-in-law would never receive another gift from me because she made so much fuss over something that could have been handled quietly.Gift card isn't an option for me with family and close friends. I don't give gift cards to anyone because when I receive one it feels like a thoughtless empty gift. The exception being if the gift card comes from a very casual acquaintance or a business client or associate. For many years in my family -- even when I was a teenager with little money -- people used to compliment my gifts as to how much thought was put into the selections.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,503
Registered: ‎10-03-2011

It was a thoughtful gift, but maybe she's telling the truth about not having enough freezer space. Our son visits every week and I'm always trying to give him the lunch leftovers or some of this and that from our fridge or freezer, thinking I'd help them offset their grocery bill a little. Occasionally he accepts, but oftentimes he says they have their meals planned, had done grocery shopping, and had no room to put anything else.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,213
Registered: ‎03-28-2010


If MIL eats meat, then I think you selected a very nice gift. The only problem I'd have in gettjng somehing like that, is limited freezer space. Maybe she wanted your BIL to store some of the gift box at his place, prompting him to question why you gave her a meat package.

Not too long along, she got a new fridge. It has a very large freezer. If she took it out of cardboards box, it would fit better because it's all individually wrapped. I don't think she plans on giving any to my BIL. By doing and saying what she has done, she doesn't like it and trying to get her point across not to buy it for her again.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,011
Registered: ‎03-24-2010

@Group 5 minus 1wrote:

I am a vegan. i would not want a gift like this. In these timesi it is difficult to find the correct gift. I am sorry for your hurt and angry feelings.

Just because you liked it doesn't mean someone else would.

@Group 5 minus 1agreed. We all try to buy gifts we think the recipient would like; sometimes we miss our mark, no matter how good our intentions were. However, her MIL could have been gracious and diplomatic about it. No excuse for that!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,364
Registered: ‎10-14-2016

Perhaps she called BIL, not to complain, but to see if he had room in his freezer for some of the meat. I order from Omaha steaks when they have a good sale, but many times I pass on a good sale because I don't have the room.

Perhaps before ordering you could have asked her if she had the room.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,226
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

You bought a gift that wasn't right for your MIL, it happens. We get the wrong size, wrong color, a duplicate of something they have. I think when you give food, you can't just guess if it's what your recipient wants. You have know or ask the person. Especially if it's an elderly person. We give hubby's parents food gifts every Christmas. We know what they like, we know they have 2 freezers. If we send meat, Hubby calls his Dad to ask if there is space in their freezer. Your feelings are hurt because your MIL treated you cruelly. Next year send her a fruitcake and be done with her.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,215
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

That's a lot of food and a lovely, well-intentioned gift. However, i'm another who could never find the space to store that much food. I'd have to give most of it away.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,211
Registered: ‎04-05-2010

@Desert Lilywrote:

I was taught to know how to give and know how to receive. I was taught to be thankful that someone was thoughtful enough to think of me and not hurt the giver's feelings if I wasn't fond of the gift itself. I guess it was called being gracious.

100% what I was thinking. To me that is the absolute best way to go. I know others here might say, (and not be wrong) "what IF she IS vegan etc", and you think you did right, and then did it again for I guess that's complicated in that way to remain in the dark about how it wasn't received well......And yet...I just think you give with the best of intentions. And it's best to receive with gratitude. If it's not quite something you can use or want, and you pass it so privately. It is hurtful to hear someone actually complained to someone about your gift.....

It IS so hard to figure out what people might like or not already have these days, in many cases we are fortunate, and people seem to all have what they want and need (I realize NOT everyone.) I recently thought, for some of the same reasons as OP, that an elderly friend might appreciate a Blue Apron type gift...but I won't do's just too tricky if it's "too new agey" for her, or just out of her comfort zone......Anyway, to me, gratitude, silence is golden and yes, I like your word @Desert Lily "gracious" in these instances.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,011
Registered: ‎03-24-2010


Here is my take on it, on any gift really. You give the give with a joyful heart and good intentions and what happens after that is out of your control.

@gidgetghI'll try to keep this in mind when I give gifts to a close family member who is a "regifter". It is hard to take the time and spend the money when you know there is a good chance it will be regifted. How do I know this individual regifts? I have gotten some of my gifts back! No, I do not say anything to embarass this person. I just accept it and say thank you.

So, I am going to think like you "what happens after is out of my control". Woman Happy