Re: Gift Not Well Received

Deree · ‎06-30-2018

Food is always tricky to give. You never know a person's likes, or allergies, or dietary needs.... or storage space in this case. I still wouldn't give it a second thought. So she didn't like it. Ho hum. It was a gift.

Wear a mask. Social distance. Be part of the solution - not part of the problem.

Desert Lily · ‎06-24-2011

@Tinkrbl44 I just gave alternatives on what could've been done with a gift that wasn't appreciated. Idk the MIL, and I couldn't make assumptions on what her agenda was.

Bridgegal · ‎03-09-2010

@chrystaltree wrote:
You bought a gift that wasn't right for your MIL, it happens. We get the wrong size, wrong color, a duplicate of something they have. I think when you give food, you can't just guess if it's what your recipient wants. You have know or ask the person. Especially if it's an elderly person. We give hubby's parents food gifts every Christmas. We know what they like, we know they have 2 freezers. If we send meat, Hubby calls his Dad to ask if there is space in their freezer. Your feelings are hurt because your MIL treated you cruelly. Next year send her a fruitcake and be done with her.

This is one reason I think it's silly for adults to buy gifts for each other at the holidays. Most have whatever they want or need and it's just stuff. Give something to children but to adults???? No. Donate to a charity, participate in Toys for Tots.

Calcgirl · ‎03-10-2010

You mentioned that she wanted new carpeting, so why did you buy her meat? Maybe giving her money towards her carpeting or going in half with your BIL for the carpeting for Christmas? I do not care for beef that is frozen.Also, already stated freezer space can be limited. However, I do believe your MIL could have been more gracious in her response to her gift. She could have thanked you and at some point in the future told her son or both of you that although the food you sent was greatly appreciated dute to space limititations not to order this for her without first checking.

My boyfriends son sends me a beautiful H & D gift package with wine and sweets. I hate sweets but enjoy the wine so I give the sweets away and make a big deal thanking him.

Group 5 minus 1 · ‎03-11-2010

There is nothing wrong w/being direct. Telling her your bil (or whomever) said you didn't like the gift. Say you were sorry and let it go. Is all this ado necessary?So much grief could be avoided if we were all honest and direct.

My BFF ordered meat from one of those places one year and thought it wasn't good so she gave it to her cleaning lady. I'm sure the CL was very glad to get it.

'cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

One hundred percent of this would have been avoided with a call saying "Would you like a gift of frozen meat? I want to be sure you would and that you had room in your freezer for it." To not do that is sort of setting someone up to complain.

Who always has room for something like that and how come people aren't satisfied sending a gift card these days?

Bird mama · ‎03-12-2010

@ScrapHappy Leaving the gift ideas to your husband is a wise idea Scrappy. I would settle on a dollar amount and send her a check or money order; then she could start saving up for all of the home improvement items.

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise

JJsMom · ‎03-10-2010

@ScrapHappy wrote:
Bought my MIL a food gift. Steaks, burgers, chicken, hot dogs, potatoes and a dessert. I have gotten this in the past from someone else, I liked it and appreciated it. Shortly after my MIL received it, my husband got a call from my BIL asking why he sent that. The following day, my MIL said she doesn't have enough room in freezxer and she will have to give some of it away. It's clear to me that she called my BIL and complained about it and doesn't like it. I thought it's a nice gift and would make it easier for her to plan meals and since she doesn't get around easily, one less trip to the grocery store. I don't know why this is bothering me so much. My husband doesn't some bothered.

In your MIL's defense, how is it clear that she "complained about it and doesn't like it"? Did she actually say anything to that effect? Your gift is very thoughtful, but I would be slightly overwhelmed if someone gave me a ton of stuff I'd have to store in the freezer. It's not just important to be a gracious recipient, it's important to be a gracious gifter and to make an effort to give something they'd like or want.

Is it possible there are other issues making you judge her more harshly in this situation? If I found out my mom had no room to store food I bought her, I'd offer to store it for her or apologize and just not give that gift again. I would not be offended. I would feel bad I bought her a gift that she didn't like.

Do you think you might be a little too sensitive about her not being ecstatic about her gift? Sometimes a gift is a miss, as much we love it ourselves, and that's ok.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu

JJsMom · ‎03-10-2010

Again, in defense of the MIL, she didn't directly tell the OP that she hated the gift and wasn't grateful. She told her son that she doesn't have room to store it. I don't really see a problem with that. Would it be better if she told the OP that? A lot of you would consider that rude too.

I guess I don't get the need to buy things people wouldn't want or like and then insist that they (pretend to) love it. When I buy a gift, I very much want to get something you would love, and if you didn't love it, I'd want to know so I don't get anything like that again.

If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. ~ Desmond Tutu

ScrapHappy · ‎03-28-2010

@JJsMom wrote:
@ScrapHappy wrote:
Bought my MIL a food gift. Steaks, burgers, chicken, hot dogs, potatoes and a dessert. I have gotten this in the past from someone else, I liked it and appreciated it. Shortly after my MIL received it, my husband got a call from my BIL asking why he sent that. The following day, my MIL said she doesn't have enough room in freezxer and she will have to give some of it away. It's clear to me that she called my BIL and complained about it and doesn't like it. I thought it's a nice gift and would make it easier for her to plan meals and since she doesn't get around easily, one less trip to the grocery store. I don't know why this is bothering me so much. My husband doesn't some bothered.
In your MIL's defense, how is it clear that she "complained about it and doesn't like it"? Did she actually say anything to that effect? Your gift is very thoughtful, but I would be slightly overwhelmed if someone gave me a ton of stuff I'd have to store in the freezer. It's not just important to be a gracious recipient, it's important to be a gracious gifter and to make an effort to give something they'd like or want.

Is it possible there are other issues making you judge her more harshly in this situation? If I found out my mom had no room to store food I bought her, I'd offer to store it for her or apologize and just not give that gift again. I would not be offended. I would feel bad I bought her a gift that she didn't like.

Do you think you might be a little too sensitive about her not being ecstatic about her gift? Sometimes a gift is a miss, as much we love it ourselves, and that's ok.

After she received gift, she called my BIL. Told him what we sent and said something along the lines "where am I going to put it?" And went on to say she'd have to give some of it away. BIL called my husband and asked why we sent that. When husband spoke to his Mom, she again said "where am I going to put it?

She has a new refridgerator with a very large drawer pull out on the bottom. Can easily take items out of individual boxes and would have no problem. It's all individualized freezer portions. Her freezer is never full. We thought it was a nice gift and be easy on her so she doesn't have to go to grocery store and packages fo. easy storage and use (it's just her). Much better than the frozen dinners BIL has gotten her. She can drive and get around, it's just not as easy as it was for her. Do I judge her too harshly? I don't think so. This is what she does. I don't expect her to be over the moon about it, but more appreciative and grateful...yes.