GROWN KIDS COMING HOME TO ROOST - Page 5

embgm · ‎07-02-2014

My son and his long time girlfriend asked us if they could move in , pay rent so they could pay off some debt and save for a bigger place. We said yes. They both work full time and both had just changed jobs with higher salaries. They are in their twenties. We said yes. It worked out very well no rules necessary. They are very busy, one continuing college and both involved in various organizations. We really didn't see them that much as our schedules were all different. They stayed one year, moved into a larger place and were debt free. We were happy to help them out and they appreciated it very much. EM

Barbiedr · ‎08-22-2011

My daughter and 10yo granddaughter moved in with me (temporarily ha ha) 3 years ago. Both she and her husband had job changes which took them far away from the home they own. The long term plan is for them to do repairs on the home and eventually sell it so they can all be together again.

Since I'm divorced, I certainly welcome their company. I have seen my granddaughter change from being a little girl to a young woman.

The only downside has been their messiness. I hired a cleaning service for a year, but that became too expensive. We came up with a plan of posting jobs each week on a board and everyone pitches in to help. My daughter likes the clarity of this system and makes sure her daughter helps as well.

Irshgrl31201 · ‎03-18-2010

I am a little surprised at some of the responses here. They act like her son is coming home to mooch off his mother. Sounds like he has been pretty successful but is moving closer and his mom invited him to stay until his place is ready. She WANTS him to stay and he wants to because they obviously have a good relationship. Nothing wrong with that at all. I think it is sad that a parent would not want their grown child to feel comfortable staying there until he moves into his new home. I can't imagine it being any other way and I would do the same for my daughter. She is married with a child and runs a successful business she opened on her own and her husband is successful too, moving up in his company faster than any previous employee and the youngest to hold the job he does. We have fun together and enjoy being around each other. Most people don't have a chance like that to spend that kind of time being back.

@Shanus, your house sounds like mine. My husband and I got it way bigger than we needed in case my mother would have to live with us one day. 6,000 sq ft and the reason for that is first floor contains a second kitchen, full bathroom, full living room, and her bedroom. Has a separate entrance and her own deck. We specifically got a big house because of that and we wanted to be able to host our friends/family who live abroad and hold the family Christmases there that we do every year. The second floor is where our bedroom and main kitchen is and the 3rd floor holds another 3 bedrooms and 3 more baths so everyone has their place to stay and they get their privacy as well. We would have never gotten a house that size for just the two of us. That has been a dream of mine for a long time and luckily I married a man who is very close to his family too and our families together get along great. That is one of the best things about my husband, how much he loves my family and his. One of the reasons I fell in love with him. I grew up without having my cousins or any family reallly around and I was so envious of big families who got together for every occasion and being able to enjoy each other. When my aunts, uncles and cousins would be able to get together once every one or two years we used to have so much fun together andit was so sad when we had to say goodbye. No one really had a large enough house to host all of us so we would have to break apart at the end of the evening and stay in hotels. I can remember telling my aunts and cousins, one day I was going to get a big house so we would be able to spend our entire vacation together and we would talk about how great that would be. My husbandis is usually the one inviting everyone over for dinner or game night. We have a family dinner at least once a week with usually between 15-20, I love it and couldn't imagine not having that. It is one of my greatest joys.

I understand everyone is different but acting like her son is some jobless mooch who is going to be living off of her or taking advantage of her is a little over the top. I think she is lucky to be able to enjoy her son, DIL and grandkids for that nice little chunk of time which will most certainly fly by. I am sure her grandkids are excited to stay with their gram and have a different place to stay and a fun "vacation" with her and they will have those memories of this time forever.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK

Irshgrl31201 · ‎03-18-2010

@hoosieroriginal wrote:
@hoosieroriginal wrote:
@Shanus wrote:
@hoosieroriginal. Whoa! We're talking about a landscape architect w/ a graduate degree who has worked since he left graduatuate school. Mooching? Never.

He's never asked or depended on us. We paid for his education (his sister, too). We felt it was our responsibilty as parents to see they had a good education to stand on their own 2 feet. Both have made their way in the world. Offering them THEIR home for 3 months? Never a question in my mind.

@Shanus - I'm not talking about your kid specifically - just kids that have depended on mommy and daddy all their lives - who move in and never move out - you've seen and heard of that before.
@Shanus - I aplogize if you thought I was coming down on your son - I wasn't. Just talking in general about younger people in general. I've worked with a ton of lazy 20/30 year olds who have no ambition or drive. Obviously, that doesn't include your son - he sounds like he has his act very much together.

@hoosieroriginal, if I had a child coming back for that reason I would very much feel how you feel. That I couldn't deal with.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK

muttmom · ‎11-28-2012

Our daughter and SIL moved in with us for a few months between houses. We gave them no rules as they were adults. I did not enter their room as it was their sanctuary and were responsible to keep clean. Generally they did their own laundry. If they wanted something in particular, it was added to my grocery list on the fridge. We did not take any money from them. They treated us frequently to dinner out or ordered in.

As for meals, I do not cook all that often. If I was going to, I let them know what I was making and when we'd be eating. Sometimes my daughter would cook.

It was summer and there were a few times they entertained friends out at the pool.

Susan in California · ‎06-02-2014

@Shanus Quote

It sounds great. I always enjoy it when our sons and families come for a visit.

It also seems like you have a nice open, communicative relationship with your

son and hopefully the rest of his family when they arrive.

They will be just as anxious as you to find their own home once time passes. But in the meantime, enjoy yourself. Once they leave, you will be able to

get back to your organized life.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@Irshgrl31201. Thanks. I appreciate your thoughts/understanding.

homedecor1 · ‎03-09-2010

@Shanus

I don't think they need to be "rules" young kids have them.

I think your son will be appreciative & he is probably just happy to hang out with mom!

When any of my immediate family come to stay (one stayed 2 months) we had a wonderful time because she knew how I am & vice verse. I'm sure your son will be the same -

I know when my 1 son comes I laugh because I know darn well he doesn't live "neatly" in his own place BUT here I was like "is that my son?"

Enjoy...don't let the little things get in the way & remember you raised him so I'm sure he knows YOUR lifestyle & expectations.😁

SydneyH · ‎03-10-2010

I don't have anything to offer because I wouldn't want a 45 year old man to return 'home'.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

One of my sons moved back home twice.. the first time was when he left the military, he moved home with his pregnant wife. They both lived with us until my granddaughter was maybe 18 months old.

In the meantime, he found a job and got on his feet. Then he, his wife and my granddaughter moved into their own home,

they lived in that house about 5 years, then decided to build a new home., so my son, his wife and now two children moved back in with us when they sold their home. They were here almost a year before their home was done and they moved into it.

While they lived here I often had to wait in line to do my laundry. I did all of the cooking, they cleaned up. They had their own bathroom and bedrooms which they kept clean. Yes, I tripped over toys once in a while.

We never charged them a dime to live here.

When they left, I missed them, especially the grandkids. Sometimes I was frustrated, sometimes not. It was an adjustment, but I am glad we helped them.

i can't imagine ever turning my kids away or asking to stay somewhere else because they are an inconvenience to me.

In my opinion, family comes first..,always.

We never had any rules, my son must have remembered them from his childhood and his wife just followed him.