Community Chat

[Pqfan]

@Shanus Your home sounds so beautiful.

Remember me "mom"?

I need to come back home for a while too.

[mamaslittlepotatoe]

Shanus, I think you're a good mom and you're doing the right thing by helping out your son and his family. I'm sure it's all out of love. I don't understand some of these negative responses.

My daughter's young yet, but she's welcome to live with me the rest of her life if she wants. And when she gets married, if she needs help at some point in her life, her husband (hopefully he'll be a nice person) and children would be welcome to also.

My daughter has always been a pleasure to raise; she's a wonderful person and I'd do anything for her, especially if there came a time in her life when she needed help. I'd even die for her without hesitation. She's my heart.

[Shanus]

Thanks @Pqfan. Come on over....have guest room waiting. 🌸

[Shanus]

@Carmie. You're right. 😘

[Shanus]

@SydneyH. So far, no one agreed...no ❤️s on your post. He's not just any "45 year old man". He's my son. Jeeeez!

[Shanus]

@homedecor1. "Rules" or considerations, are so we both can be respectful of each other's feelings and space. He has "visited" at home for several days at a time, but not lived with us since he was 18 and went to college.

People change. It's better to get those understandings/expectations out of the way beforehand. He expressed concerns as well. This is a new & different experience for the 3 of us. In June, we add my DIL and granddaughters. She'll be helping on the weekends w/ the house search. My son will also be going back to the DC some weekends to see his family.

This transition and the children not having their Daddy home is much harder on them than my setting an extra place at the dinner table. 

[nun ya]

There will never be a tiime that my child is not welcome in my house...ever.

You are supposed to help your family if you are able.

enjoy your time together Shanus!!

[jubilant]

Your son sounds like a responsible adult.  I think what you are doing for him and his family is admirable.  The one thing I do question is all the rules and regulations and your wanting to know if we would add anymore to that list. My answer to that is, no.   I would think,  by now, your son would know the rules of the house..... and being the responsible adult he is....... would automatically just do these things out of appreciation and consideration for you.  Nothing wrong with discussing meal times...etc.  I just think, from the way you describe your son, things will naturally just "fall into place".   Unless, of course, his wife has told you he is a slob and you remember him that way as a kid!!!!!!  That might give reason for concern!!!

[Mominohio]

I think this is very generous of you in this day and age. 

There was a time (back more in the Great Depression and WWII) where multiple generations of a family under the same roof was not unusual at all. It was necessity for many to survive.

After WWII times were better in this nation as a whole (financially) and people got very used to only their immediate family living together for any real period of time.

Move forward to the last decade, and many parents are taking back into the home, their adult children for some length of time.

All family dynamics are different, and there is only one wrong answer in this, and that is when those coming to live with you don't honor your home and your rules (whatever they may be).

It matters not whether an elderly parent is moving in with an adult child because they can no longer live on their own, or a twenty or thirty something coming home after divorce, or a whole family of kids and grands coming back into the home for financial or relocation temporary living. Those moving in need to realize just what you stated @Shanus, they are not really a guest and will be expected to behave and contribute as any family member would with respect to chores, finances, and house rules. 

For most people, this will be stressful, getting used to having someone back in your home after them being gone for a long period of time. Best of luck, and kudos to you for being so generous. 

[Poodlepet2]

@Shanus-I jjust have to put my two-cents in:

1) No Nintendo until all homework is done.

2) No martinis either-and you don't care what other parents do! The "Smith's" may let their son speed in a 30 mph zone in his Alpha Romeo-it doesn't mean you will!

3)He has to make his bed before he goes to work: you are not running a maid service!

4) No dessert unless he tries the Brussels sprouts: it was a good rule then and it's a good rule now!

5) He has to learn this week's Torah portion and be ready to discuss it at Shul on Saturday morning-no exceptions. We spent Sunday mornings driving kids to Hebrew School and big bucks on Bar Mitzvahs so they could learn the ropes of responsible Jewish adulthood.  He needs to show Mom and Dad their sacrifice paid off!

6)Does the sidewalk need to be shoveled? Does the dishwasher need to be emptied? Giving your adult child simple household tasks reminds him of what a great parent you were by giving him such tasks! Until his daughters arrive, these are great reminders of values you and his dad worked so diligently to instill in him!

7)Shoes belong upstairs or in the mudroom-not the foyer! You are not running a Japanese restaurant!

8) If he wants Japanese food, he is free to go get it for himself-and of course, take requests from Mom and Dad. After all, you sacrificed to educate him and now he is gainfully employed! I call this "Filial Piety"!

9)If he "gets a girl in trouble"-ahhh, never mind.  He did that already and you have two beautiful grandbabies!

10).....as old as they get, they are never too old to hug, and love....and spoil!

Have a great day!

PS, I think you have a "Shanus Admiration Society" on your "Live from the Mall" segment.  I like Sunala's suggestion of doing a grocery store report.......

Hugs,

Poodlepet2