Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

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@Mominohio wrote:

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@Moonchilde wrote:

I agree with much that has been said here about "growing out" of friendships, interests changing, etc. it happens. And  I even had a co-worker *exactly* like the one described.

But I'd like to comment on one aspect of these changes -

As people age, not everyone's body ages the same. Some have more physical issues than others, some are naturally more physically fit and healthy than others.

I have experienced, and I can't be the only one, people I thought were friends who poo-pooed aches and pains, physical degeneration and legitimate reasons why I could no longer be as physically active as I was.

I was pretty much called a liar if I said I couldn't do something or go somewhere - it was just an excuse. I must not really want to go, etc. and my saying no meant I was brushing off and insulting people simply by my saying "I can't" physically.

As far as crabby - is everyone positive they know the difference between a person who is crabby about everything and everyone all the time, and a person whom chronic pain and disability has made crabby, especially if they are reminded of and/or pushed to do things they can't any more?

Food for thought, I hope.

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Excellent post. And oh so true. 

The day in and day out effort of plodding through life with chronic pain or disease, does take a toll on many people's views, outlook, attitudes and behaviors. 

And the hard part is that often, they don't share with people on the fringes of their life, that anything is wrong, or just how hard it really is. 

Again, we have to take into account that sometimes, we haven't walked a mile in their shoes, and the aging process isn't as kind to some, as it is to others.

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Thank you, @Mominohio

I've never been one who moans & groans about things I really can't do much about, I just 'carry on' - but sometimes the chronicness, as well as the fact that the issue is pretty much here to stay and 'unsolvable' can make me tetchy, in the same way that, for example, people tend to get when they have a bad cold but are expected to show up and do a full day's work and be cheery about it ;-) 

[Shorty2U]

No, none of my friends turned into gossipy nit pickers...lol... However many have grown apart over the years. 

In my case, it seems when I could no longer work and go out running around dancing due to my spine injury, I lost friends. Or shall I say I found out who my real friends are.

I did not complain to them, I only vent to my husband. But I am not as active and they are so thats the way it is.

It took me a long time to deal with the loss of friends (years), because I stuck by all my friends through everything in their entire lives. (and I mean everything). So I did not understand.

Now I focus on my husband, kids, grandkids, and the 2 good friends I still have.

[DiAnne]

Setting aside health issues I think many people (mostly women I have found) become very set in their ways and lose their sense of adventure and sometimes also their sense of humour!  I think curiosity is vital to a fulfilling life.  

[Moonchilde]

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@DiAnne wrote:

Setting aside health issues I think many people (mostly women I have found) become very set in their ways and lose their sense of adventure and sometimes also their sense of humour!  I think curiosity is vital to a fulfilling life.  

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True, for some. I had a BFF years ago that was very set in her ways, had zero interest in anything outside of her narrow set of interests, relied on the Enquirer for her "news", and it really was All About Her.  She didn't start out that way, but after a few years turned into 28-going-on-65, and a judgmental, prudish 65 at that. We ate where SHE wanted to, we saw the films SHE wanted to see, we only did what she wanted to do, and she vetoed anything I might suggest that was different. When she started telling me how to drive, I decided enough was enough ;-)

[Mominohio]

I do wonder, too, how many people who seem 'negative' to someone, are really more realistic about life, and it is simply being interpreted as negative because the other person is excessively positive?

Some may say that one can't be 'too positive'. But I have known people who were just that. They didn't seem to be at all interested in anything that was 'real' in the world. There is a lot of pain and suffering, and bad in the world, and never acknowledging it, dealing with it, or trying to help with it doesn't make it not exist, but I have known people who think it does.

[drizzellla]

nonestopshopper - You are so right. I try to not even mention my family or activities to her. It is a miracle after listening to her that I am able to function. But she is contsantly prying into my work. She goes through my desk, pocketbook and work on my desk. Then she is always asking me what I am working on and whatever I am doing is wrong. Most people in the company avoid dealing with her so then I have to listen to her tirade that everyone ignores her and how she hates everyone in the company. And refuses to talk to them. So I have to be her go between if something has to be done. 

Sadly sitting at my desk when I hear other people in the company laughing and having a good time. It is a shock to hear. Because I try to sit in silence - so there is nothing she can compain about.

[Moonchilde]

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@Mominohio wrote:

I do wonder, too, how many people who seem 'negative' to someone, are really more realistic about life, and it is simply being interpreted as negative because the other person is excessively positive?

Some may say that one can't be 'too positive'. But I have known people who were just that. They didn't seem to be at all interested in anything that was 'real' in the world. There is a lot of pain and suffering, and bad in the world, and never acknowledging it, dealing with it, or trying to help with it doesn't make it not exist, but I have known people who think it does.

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Anne, is that you? Diana here - we are kindred spirits!

I have often been called a pessimist, but I say that I'm neither a pessimist nor an optimist, but a realist. I don't hope for things to go wrong or for bad outcomes, as eternal optimists usually accuse those they term pessimists. I don't, however, assume the outcome will invariably be positive, because life isn't like that. Bad things do happen to good people, etc. I've never been the ostrich-y, lalalaIcan'thearyou sort of person. Life is what it is, in all its happiness AND sadness.

[CelticCrafter]

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@drizzellla wrote:

nonestopshopper - You are so right. I try to not even mention my family or activities to her. It is a miracle after listening to her that I am able to function. But she is contsantly prying into my work. She goes through my desk, pocketbook and work on my desk. Then she is always asking me what I am working on and whatever I am doing is wrong. Most people in the company avoid dealing with her so then I have to listen to her tirade that everyone ignores her and how she hates everyone in the company. And refuses to talk to them. So I have to be her go between if something has to be done. 

Sadly sitting at my desk when I hear other people in the company laughing and having a good time. It is a shock to hear. Because I try to sit in silence - so there is nothing she can compain about.

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That's where I would have to draw the line...she's invaded your personal items and space.

Unless she's your direct supervisor, she has no business going through your work or asking what you are working on.

[Nancy Drew]

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@drizzellla wrote:

nonestopshopper - You are so right. I try to not even mention my family or activities to her. It is a miracle after listening to her that I am able to function. But she is contsantly prying into my work. She goes through my desk, pocketbook and work on my desk. Then she is always asking me what I am working on and whatever I am doing is wrong. Most people in the company avoid dealing with her so then I have to listen to her tirade that everyone ignores her and how she hates everyone in the company. And refuses to talk to them. So I have to be her go between if something has to be done. 

Sadly sitting at my desk when I hear other people in the company laughing and having a good time. It is a shock to hear. Because I try to sit in silence - so there is nothing she can compain about.

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WHAT?! Do not under any circumstances let her go through your personal property!  Speak up and if she doesn't stop go to the boss.

[Q4u]

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@colliegirls wrote:

I have separated myself from the friends who complain about everything.  Laughing is the most important part of staying young.

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You are SO right!  I love to laugh, always have and see the ridiculous in life, and there IS a lot of ridiculousness out there!  

One of the funniest people I ever met and was my friend for 20 years passed away from Dementia the end of Feb 2015 and boy do I miss her. We would send each other the funniest cards we could find and every time I pass the card section somewhere I think of her!  She was my age and she couldn't possibly ever be old~!

I tend to only watch either funny movies   I want to laugh more than not because laughing is the only way to cope with life and IS the MOST important part of staying young....