Friends getting old at heart! - Page 4

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@Moonchilde wrote:
@151949 wrote:
I think those who spend all their social time out with people moaning and groaning about their cronic illnesses and being in pain all the time etc etc etc ARE going to lose all their friends. No doubt about it. Most older people are having some kind or another of physical challenges - some succumb to them and others make every possible effort to get the most possible joy from life in spite of them. Make your own decision which you want to be and take the consequences.

Oh yes - if people do that, I agree. But when asked to go somewhere that involves a lot of walking and simply saying "I'd love to go but I can't walk it" should not warrant an "I think you're just using that as an excuse" attitude. Nor should begging off driving at night due to needing cataract surgery.

Explaining why one can't do something does not automatically equate to constant chronic complaining - but maybe it does to some people. Then again, I certainly know people who poo-poo everyone else's problems but their own. It's nothing for others, the crisis of the century if the same thing happens to them. LOL.

Let me give you some examples to try to illustrate what I am saying here. One of my friends came to Florida to visit her parents and asked if we wanted to meet them and go to Shelby Gardens which I know was too much walking for me so I said No I can't walk that far but when are you going? She answered sarturday morning so I said why don't we meet you at the gate and I'll bring a picnic lunch and find somewhere by the water to eat. While they were looking at the gardens DH & I scoped out a place to sit by the water and have our picnic - we spent the afternoon together and I did not have to walk all around Shelby Gardens.

While in Pitts. in the summer my friend suggested we all go to Kennywood park - a large amusement park. I wanted to go but I thought , even though we would be able to sit periodically I was not going to be comfortable so we said we would meet them there at 2PM instead of at the 11AM they were going. By the time we got there they were getting tired so we ate , rode a few rides, sat and chatted a lot, had a great time and I was fine.Just out of rote saying no to everything is rude IMO and makes you seem inflexable to your friends.And after you do that enough times - they simply won't ask anymore. I know they are trying to understand and I try to not be too rigid and inflexible. I also know it is boring to them to always just go to places where we sit and eat, they want to do other things too.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@151949 wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
@151949 wrote:
I think those who spend all their social time out with people moaning and groaning about their cronic illnesses and being in pain all the time etc etc etc ARE going to lose all their friends. No doubt about it. Most older people are having some kind or another of physical challenges - some succumb to them and others make every possible effort to get the most possible joy from life in spite of them. Make your own decision which you want to be and take the consequences.

Oh yes - if people do that, I agree. But when asked to go somewhere that involves a lot of walking and simply saying "I'd love to go but I can't walk it" should not warrant an "I think you're just using that as an excuse" attitude. Nor should begging off driving at night due to needing cataract surgery.

Explaining why one can't do something does not automatically equate to constant chronic complaining - but maybe it does to some people. Then again, I certainly know people who poo-poo everyone else's problems but their own. It's nothing for others, the crisis of the century if the same thing happens to them. LOL.

Let me give you some examples to try to illustrate what I am saying here. One of my friends came to Florida to visit her parents and asked if we wanted to meet them and go to Shelby Gardens which I know was too much walking for me so I said No I can't walk that far but when are you going? She answered sarturday morning so I said why don't we meet you at the gate and I'll bring a picnic lunch and find somewhere by the water to eat. While they were looking at the gardens DH & I scoped out a place to sit by the water and have our picnic - we spent the afternoon together and I did not have to walk all around Shelby Gardens.
While in Pitts. in the summer my friend suggested we all go to Kennywood park - a large amusement park. I wanted to go but I thought , even though we would be able to sit periodically I was not going to be comfortable so we said we would meet them there at 2PM instead of at the 11AM they were going. By the time we got there they were getting tired so we ate , rode a few rides, sat and chatted a lot, had a great time and I was fine.Just out of rote saying no to everything is rude IMO and makes you seem inflexable to your friends.And after you do that enough times - they simply won't ask anymore. I know they are trying to understand and I try to not be too rigid and inflexible. I also know it is boring to them to always just go to places where we sit and eat, they want to do other things too.

Are you insinuating that *I* would/am "just out of rote saying no" and "being rude (in your opinion)" - without knowing me, my friends, or anything else about me and them, or what any one of us would say, do or think? I just want to be clear on that, as most of your posts on most threads seem to be about passing assumptive judgment on others and this would seem to be no different.

You are invariably perfect, your target invariably (you assume) does everything they can to annoy others. All based on...pretty much nothing but your desire to one-up your Chosen One(s) on any given thread.

I won't respond further, as this is a good thread and I have no desire to either derail it or be the center of attention.

Happy Valentine's Day 🙀

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

namaste000 · ‎03-13-2010

I had a longtime friend that always said the kind of things that annoyed me . As we got older, these comments got meaner and something I didn't want to be around.

We would meet up, I'd go home and get all annoyed about her comments....think about what I should have said at the time, etc. It happened all of the time!!

Some were minor, others major.

Finally decided:

You cannot change the people around you,

but you can change the people you choose to be around.

I don't have many friends, but I'm much happier without this "friend".

3cupcakes · ‎04-20-2012

@Moonchilde wrote:

Then again, I certainly know people who poo-poo everyone else's problems but their own. It's nothing for others, the crisis of the century if the same thing happens to them. LOL.

boy, oh, boy, @Moonchilde, is this the truth. Also when they have enjoyed good health, they make dismissive remarks to those have health issues.

But when they get a cold, it's the worst cold on the planet & probably double pneumonia to boot.

I often wonder what will happen to them when they do get serious health issues.

Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours brighter.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@3cupcakes wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:

Then again, I certainly know people who poo-poo everyone else's problems but their own. It's nothing for others, the crisis of the century if the same thing happens to them. LOL.

boy, oh, boy, @Moonchilde, is this the truth. Also when they have enjoyed good health, they make dismissive remarks to those have health issues.

But when they get a cold, it's the worst cold on the planet & probably double pneumonia to boot.

I often wonder what will happen to them when they do get serious health issues.

Their world, and of necessity the world of everyone around them, will tremble - as it should, of course ;-)

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

3cupcakes · ‎04-20-2012

i read many years ago about people coming into our lives for a reason, a season or forever & I think it's true,

for myself, I don't find it healthy or rewarding, for lack of a better word, to hang on to or keep trying to revive a dying friendship just because it has gone on for many years.

Sometimes we just need to know when to throw in the towel & know that it really is ok to move on.

Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours brighter.

Jacie · ‎01-09-2011

I adore my friends, my core group. They are beautiful, smart, fun, funny and talented. We are all there for each other, we have been through much together.

However, we all agree that our friend circle has shrunk throughout the years. The group has been winnowed down. Funny that all the negative, snarky gals and guys have simply fallen away. Sometimes that saddens me.

Ultimately, I am reminded that the group that remains close, are the ones that have my back as well as the others.We have fun, are vital and self-effacing! We are in various states of aging and decay! But we face it without complaint, but with wit and camaraderie that carries us! Young at heart.

I am better when they are standing with me.

"Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral." -Garfield

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Moonchilde wrote:
I agree with much that has been said here about "growing out" of friendships, interests changing, etc. it happens. And I even had a co-worker *exactly* like the one described.

But I'd like to comment on one aspect of these changes -

As people age, not everyone's body ages the same. Some have more physical issues than others, some are naturally more physically fit and healthy than others.

I have experienced, and I can't be the only one, people I thought were friends who poo-pooed aches and pains, physical degeneration and legitimate reasons why I could no longer be as physically active as I was.

I was pretty much called a liar if I said I couldn't do something or go somewhere - it was just an excuse. I must not really want to go, etc. and my saying no meant I was brushing off and insulting people simply by my saying "I can't" physically.

As far as crabby - is everyone positive they know the difference between a person who is crabby about everything and everyone all the time, and a person whom chronic pain and disability has made crabby, especially if they are reminded of and/or pushed to do things they can't any more?

Food for thought, I hope.

Excellent post. And oh so true.

The day in and day out effort of plodding through life with chronic pain or disease, does take a toll on many people's views, outlook, attitudes and behaviors.

And the hard part is that often, they don't share with people on the fringes of their life, that anything is wrong, or just how hard it really is.

Again, we have to take into account that sometimes, we haven't walked a mile in their shoes, and the aging process isn't as kind to some, as it is to others.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

I am lucky to have a circle of close friends, all are smart and funny and compassionate. Some single, some married, one has been a BF since we were four years old. One is male, I introduced him to his wife, my lifelong friend.

I had a friend for years who did grow increasingly angry and actually mean over the years. She would complain about other people's children to me and to anyone who wasn't the mother of the child/adult child under attack. It got to be such a chore to be around her, I started making excuses not to get together. Then I realized that, with my health issues, she was making it all worse for me, so I finally let her know how I felt. Other friends asked me why that took me so long.

151949 · ‎03-09-2010

@Moonchilde wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
@151949 wrote:
I think those who spend all their social time out with people moaning and groaning about their cronic illnesses and being in pain all the time etc etc etc ARE going to lose all their friends. No doubt about it. Most older people are having some kind or another of physical challenges - some succumb to them and others make every possible effort to get the most possible joy from life in spite of them. Make your own decision which you want to be and take the consequences.

Oh yes - if people do that, I agree. But when asked to go somewhere that involves a lot of walking and simply saying "I'd love to go but I can't walk it" should not warrant an "I think you're just using that as an excuse" attitude. Nor should begging off driving at night due to needing cataract surgery.

Explaining why one can't do something does not automatically equate to constant chronic complaining - but maybe it does to some people. Then again, I certainly know people who poo-poo everyone else's problems but their own. It's nothing for others, the crisis of the century if the same thing happens to them. LOL.

Let me give you some examples to try to illustrate what I am saying here. One of my friends came to Florida to visit her parents and asked if we wanted to meet them and go to Shelby Gardens which I know was too much walking for me so I said No I can't walk that far but when are you going? She answered sarturday morning so I said why don't we meet you at the gate and I'll bring a picnic lunch and find somewhere by the water to eat. While they were looking at the gardens DH & I scoped out a place to sit by the water and have our picnic - we spent the afternoon together and I did not have to walk all around Shelby Gardens.
While in Pitts. in the summer my friend suggested we all go to Kennywood park - a large amusement park. I wanted to go but I thought , even though we would be able to sit periodically I was not going to be comfortable so we said we would meet them there at 2PM instead of at the 11AM they were going. By the time we got there they were getting tired so we ate , rode a few rides, sat and chatted a lot, had a great time and I was fine.Just out of rote saying no to everything is rude IMO and makes you seem inflexable to your friends.And after you do that enough times - they simply won't ask anymore. I know they are trying to understand and I try to not be too rigid and inflexible. I also know it is boring to them to always just go to places where we sit and eat, they want to do other things too.

Are you insinuating that *I* would/am "just out of rote saying no" and "being rude (in your opinion)" - without knowing me, my friends, or anything else about me and them, or what any one of us would say, do or think? I just want to be clear on that, as most of your posts on most threads seem to be about passing assumptive judgment on others and this would seem to be no different.

You are invariably perfect, your target invariably (you assume) does everything they can to annoy others. All based on...pretty much nothing but your desire to one-up your Chosen One(s) on any given thread.

I won't respond further, as this is a good thread and I have no desire to either derail it or be the center of attention.

Happy Valentine's Day 🙀

Make your own decisions and suffer the consequences. From your own posts you are saying those around you agree with me.You can all me all the names etc you want to - it won't change anything in your life. I'm happy in m,y life and with my friends.