Community Chat

[Moonchilde]

They know exactly what they're doing. I've seen it all my life and have recognized it all my life. I don't buy it for a second.

[IamMrsG]

I quit listening to apologies whenever I hear or see:

• "I'm sorry if you..." (took it the wrong way, got your feelings hurt, misunderstood, etc.)
• "I'm sorry, but..."

An insincere apology is neither an apology nor an act of politeness. 

[Moonchilde]

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@Mominohio wrote:

So why start a passive aggressive thread about it? Simply reply directly to that person. 

But here all the 'mean girls' will get away with piling on like usual because no one actually 'named' the poster they will come here to bash.

It just gets more childish here all the time.

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So, if multiple people do something, or the OP means in general, it's being more childish and more passive-aggressive to NOT finger-point or call out "a" poster? And people are passive-aggressive because they're not being specific?

They're not being p-a, they're addressing a question/topic as a whole *without* singling "a" poster out - in this case, half a dozen posters at least. Because they know that singling someone out is the quickest way to get their post or thread poofed. They *understand* how to *play by the rules.*

Of course, there are and always have been posters whose aim is to incite other posters to cross the line/break the rules, in part by ridiculing them and calling them names for not behaving as they're being manipulated to behave.

[Moonchilde]

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@Havarti wrote:

I know someone who is like this with her dog.  Now, I am a big time animal lover and enjoy meeting other peoples’ animals.  However…there are times, places and lengths of time that push the boundaries for even the most devout animal lovers in a crowd.  This lady ignores all rules, turns her head the other direction and cannot understand why anyone and everyone isn’t totally delighted to have her dog  be there and do whatever it wants to do.  Now in fairness, this is a well behaved dog and there is never a problem with accidents inside, but it is a big dog, a longhaired dog, and she tends to put it in situations where it can’t know the laws, health codes and rules.  She takes this dog to restaurants, nursing homes, stores, banks, etc.  She removes the leash and lets the dog walk around, approach people (even those who may not want a dog around them) and lets the dog settle down anywhere…even out of her sight…sometimes for hours.  If people complain, she is offended and offers a pathetic “sorry” then turns around and repeats the same situation over and over.  She isn’t sorry, and she just doesn’t care…it is what SHE wants.  In fact, she feels anyone who speaks up is a troublemaker.  I get the feeling sometimes the dog wanders off to other people just to get away from her!  It is a good dog, put in situations that are inappropriate for hours at a time.  The whole thing is more about her character than it is about the dog.  No one can tell her…she is not open to listening or understanding…all that matters is what SHE wants. 

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Ding! Ding! We have a winner!

[Moonchilde]

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@The Monkey on My Back wrote:

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@kdgn wrote:

Wow, my post was deleted-and when I wrote it I was thinking of a particular family member. I wasn't on last night so I'm in the dark about what happened. 

I take Marp's posts as face value and wouldn't speculate on why they were written. 

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I do as well.

When people place all of their focus on the happenings within Community Chat perspective is lost. Every thread and post will appear to refer back to this board and that isn't always the case.

I mentioned my apology thread because there are many apology or "Sorry" threads. Implying this thread is all about a single thread is ridiculous. 

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Many times, threads make people think, *in general* and they start a thread about a generalized topic/thought that a thread made them think about. It happens here all the time. Often (but it's not "required", lol) people who start a thread will even say so; I have.

The adult, civilized, not-against-the-standards posts are those which DO NOT point individual fingers, name names and bait or call people out. They speak in generalities because they *do not want* to call someone out. Because there is no NEED to call someone out. 

People who "need" to have fingers pointed at them, who "need" to have a single adversary to "fight", and who want to do public battle are often confrontational, aggressive and rude in order to achieve their "goal." We have been seeing it on this forum for as long as the forum has been in existence.

[Melania]

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@Moonchilde wrote:

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@Mominohio wrote:

So why start a passive aggressive thread about it? Simply reply directly to that person. 

But here all the 'mean girls' will get away with piling on like usual because no one actually 'named' the poster they will come here to bash.

It just gets more childish here all the time.

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So, if multiple people do something, or the OP means in general, it's being more childish and more passive-aggressive to NOT finger-point or call out "a" poster? And people are passive-aggressive because they're not being specific?

They're not being p-a, they're addressing a question/topic as a whole *without* singling "a" poster out - in this case, half a dozen posters at least. Because they know that singling someone out is the quickest way to get their post or thread poofed. They *understand* how to *play by the rules.*

Of course, there are and always have been posters whose aim is to incite other posters to cross the line/break the rules, in part by ridiculing them and calling them names for not behaving as they're being manipulated to behave.

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ITA!

Looks like some are quite defensive...hmm. Wonder why?

[nun ya]

I don't bother replying to people who always have to be right on every thread, it's exhausting.

As for apologies, I think it takes a lot to say sorry, I've seen people here be really rude with no apology... ever.

[SunValley]

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I give people a chance, but I refuse to be a doormat, punching bag, or fool. People who consistently abuse your good will are selfish at the very least and narcissistic at the worst.

[Moonchilde]

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@SunValley wrote:

Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

I give people a chance, but I refuse to be a doormat, punching bag, or fool. People who consistently abuse your good will are selfish at the very least and narcissistic at the worst.

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The tricky part is knowing when to let go. Sometimes it's laughably easy, and nearly always easy with some. But I'm nobody's doormat either.  "EXCUSE me?!" and then silence is what I aim for when in the mood not to ignore. It's the back-and-forth bit (which they always hope for of course) that turns everyone off. I'd rather people were turned off them than both of us 😉

[chickenbutt]

I find that you cannot reason with the unreasonable.  So if I figure it's just a waste of my breath/time/energy, I have to let stuff go and just get over it.

As tot he original notion,  I know somebody who is pretty big on apologizing for something, yet the person keeps doing it.   It's frustrating and aggravating, but after the first few times I just learned to zip it and let it blow in the wind.