Community Chat

[magicmoodz]

I used to work with a sociopath (yes, we all did diagnosis him) whose mantra was "it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission".  And that, in fact, was his MO.  

Could there be similar behaviors on this board? 😕

[occasionalrain]

After giving it thought, I give everything thought, I realized that I don't care if someone/anyone is sorry or not sorry.

With me it's a balance, if what I enjoy about them out weights what I don't enjoy about them, I give them a pass. However, if they aren't all that enjoyable, it doesn't take much to consider them spam and delete them.

[chickenbutt]

I was just thinking - goodness knows, I never stop thinking.  Sometimes I wish I could.  Anyway, as I was puttering around the house something occurred to me, regarding the person I mentioned who does this.

Ok, I'll go ahead and be 100 - the person is my husband.  He's a kind-hearted person and wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt me or the pet babies.  Of that I'm 100% certain.

But often he says/does something, on somewhat of a small scale, that causes damage.

I used to explain to him how that hurt me, or whatever.  I KNOW that he felt bad about it and would apologize.  I further know that he really meant it.

But then he would do it again and again, over time.   So, to summarize what I'm trying to get to is that I really think that SOME people who do this actually mean it when they apologize.  I really, truly believe that and I am not a gullible or even trusting person.  I know he means it when he apologizes.  Why he does it again and again?   I'm not sure.  I have a few ideas, from a psychological viewpoint, in his case, but that probably wouldn't be that meaningful here so I'll spare you.

I'm just saying - everybody who does something really annoying, and even sometimes hurtful, and then apologizes before doing it again and again, isn't meaning harm.  Some people mean well and maybe their mouth gets ahead of their brain or something.  I think we can all relate to that.  

[Q4u]

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@Marp wrote:

When you see someone apologize for something because they "didn't know" or "didn't understand" or "didn't think they did anything wrong" then continue to repeat the behaviors for which they apologize do you tend to just ignore the apologies as insincere, see the individual as a "troublemaker" feigning innocence or react in a different way?

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My trust would be broken and once that happens my respect is gone as well.  

When I read this OP my immediate thought was that it was someone in the public rather than a poster on this board.....  but I'm probably wrong.... 

[chiclets]

Behavior or habit receive the intended result. Make an assessment to accept it or not. Move on.

[occasionalrain]

It's difficult for a person to stop doing or saying something when that something wouldn't hurt, annoy, anger them. There are things I dislike that most others, I suspect, don't mind, may even like. So, they may do it without thinking. Then when it is called to their attention will apologize and will honestly mean the apology, may intend to never do it again but, old habits die hard.

So, you can either smack them every time and that may cure them but have a negative side effect or just give them a pass. Are they worth a pass? That's what you need to decide.

[truffle]

I see a lot of feigned ignorance on this forum. 

[Drythe]

My personal take is that the person may be very sorry at the moment - sorry that they were called on it, or sorry that the person they hurt/offended  is sitting right in front of them asking why, but sincere, think long and hard about it, change of behavior sorry?  

Nope.  I'm with Maya Angelou on this:

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

[MyGirlsMom]

When a person shows you who they are, believe them, the first time.

Dr Maya Angelou

[Moonchilde]

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@Drythe wrote:

My personal take is that the person may be very sorry at the moment - sorry that they were called on it, or sorry that the person they hurt/offended  is sitting right in front of them asking why, but sincere, think long and hard about it, change of behavior sorry?  

Nope.  I'm with Maya Angelou on this:

“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”

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Yep. I see sorry I was called on it/got caught a lot, but actually sorry for what was said/done? Rarely.