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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,312
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: Feigned Innocence

[ Edited ]

@Marp wrote:

When you see someone apologize for something because they "didn't know" or "didn't understand" or "didn't think they did anything wrong" then continue to repeat the behaviors for which they apologize do you tend to just ignore the apologies as insincere, see the individual as a "troublemaker" feigning innocence or react in a different way?


*********  If somebody repeatedly apologizes for his or her thoughts, actions, or behavior and repeats that same thing he apologized for multiple times......    I would call that insincere.......... no matter what their reasons for it were.

 

 This person could be confused. Some don't know themselves very well. To that kind of a person you want to say...."Will the real you please stand up"? They are genuinely conflicted within themselves and may not be able to handle confrontation of any kind.

 

It could also be a "seasoned" liar who is dodging confrontation or wants to confuse you and make it look like it's you who are the problem and you who jumps to false conclusions.

 

I think a good rule of thumb is.....if you walk away from this person feeling worse or constantly questioning yourself..... or your "gut" feels like something is amiss...it most probably is and I would say....beware!

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,690
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Two appologies I dismiss as meaningless- 

 

"I'm sorry you were offended by what I said (BUT NOT SORRY I SAID IT)

 

and-

 

"I'm sorry, BUT......."

 

As we all know, the "I'm sorry to have to say/print/write/think/indicate this...BUT-" type of comment is alive and well all over these boards, and as I often think and sometimes post-

 IF YOU'RE SORRY TO SAY SOMETHING WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT?

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,852
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

@Marp wrote:

When you see someone apologize for something because they "didn't know" or "didn't understand" or "didn't think they did anything wrong" then continue to repeat the behaviors for which they apologize do you tend to just ignore the apologies as insincere, see the individual as a "troublemaker" feigning innocence or react in a different way?


@Marp

 

I accept the fact that they were just doing lip service, were not sincere in the least, were manipulative, and offered the so-called apology just to get where they wanted to go.  These kinds of people should come equipped with a big "Warning" stamp on their foreheads!!!!  

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin
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Posts: 3,358
Registered: ‎02-21-2014

@violann wrote:

Two appologies I dismiss as meaningless- 

 

"I'm sorry you were offended by what I said (BUT NOT SORRY I SAID IT)

 

and-

 

"I'm sorry, BUT......."

 

As we all know, the "I'm sorry to have to say/print/write/think/indicate this...BUT-" type of comment is alive and well all over these boards, and as I often think and sometimes post-

 IF YOU'RE SORRY TO SAY SOMETHING WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT?

 


 

@violann

 

I remember a thread about 

"I'm sorry but".  It was interesting!

 

To answer the OP I don't respect or trust

a "repeat offender". 

 

🤔

 


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Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,859
Registered: ‎03-10-2010


@violann wrote:

Two appologies I dismiss as meaningless- 

 

"I'm sorry you were offended by what I said (BUT NOT SORRY I SAID IT)

 

and-

 

"I'm sorry, BUT......."

 

As we all know, the "I'm sorry to have to say/print/write/think/indicate this...BUT-" type of comment is alive and well all over these boards, and as I often think and sometimes post-

 IF YOU'RE SORRY TO SAY SOMETHING WHY ARE YOU SAYING IT?

 


Perhaps it needs to be said and you've been elected to do the saying.

There are a lot of subjects a person would rather not address like bad breath or poor table manners or lack of hygiene. Of course they are sorry to have to tell the person about these things. They may also be sorry to say that the person won't get invited or hired.

 

I'm sorry to say that I'm seeing a lot of rigidity on here. If I had eliminated the, "to say" would that be acceptable? 

 

I'm also seeing a lot of entitlement as though what offends one should be stopped by the offender. What if the offender doesn't want to stop, sees nothing wrong with their behavior, and finds the one offended too sensitive. They may be sorry the person is offended, that offending them was not their intention, but continuing on as before does not make them insincere.

 

For example:

 

1.There are posters who record shows to watch later and are offended if it's discussed days later, offended that spoiler wasn't put in the title. Well it's reasonable to consider the West Coasters and put spoiler for 24 hours after it's seen in the East, but, days later? So, I may be sorry it was spoiled for you but not sorry enough to cater to your schedule of watching a show days old.

 

2. Some are offended when some form of cruelty is even hinted at in the title of a thread. Again, sorry you are upset but I want to know something about what is in a thread before I open it. So, one is offended by too much information in a title while another is offended by a teaser title. Two sorrys, which is sincere?

 

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 37,675
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

I give someone a benefit of the doubt once aka the first time.   

 

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,887
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

@magicmoodz wrote:

I used to work with a sociopath (yes, we all did diagnosis him) whose mantra was "it is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission".  And that, in fact, was his MO.  

 

Could there be similar behaviors on this board? 😕


 

          Very good point, @magicmoodz.  I hadn't thought of it that way, but I suspect you're right, at least in some cases.

 

⭐️Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. Howard W. Newton⭐️
Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,887
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

@Drythe wrote:

 

My personal take is that the person may be very sorry at the moment - sorry that they were called on it, or sorry that the person they hurt/offended  is sitting right in front of them asking why, but sincere, think long and hard about it, change of behavior sorry?  

 

Nope.  I'm with Maya Angelou on this:

 

3503.jpg


“When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”




 

          I do like that quote, @Drythe, and I was (am) a huge devotee of Maya Angelou's wisdom.   Even so, I think there are cases in which we need to give people a second chance. 

 

 

⭐️Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy. Howard W. Newton⭐️
Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,851
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

"Ignorance of the law", nor feigned incompetence, never sells to me. Those that use those reasons, I call liars, and to their face.

 

 

 

hckynut(john)

hckynut(john)
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,747
Registered: ‎05-13-2012

They don't care, plain and simple.