Re: Dutch Treat Reception ???

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

Even though I wouldn't just serve cake/punch at my wedding (maybe the second one), it's better than charging guests for meals (they may not even like).

There should have been a box to check on the invite: attending reception, no meal.

If it's a restaurant, that wouldn't be doable.

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

In addition to my previous post.... I did not read everyone's responses but I will say I went to a wedding recently where the couple are just hardworking people just making ends meet. They got married outside and decorated it very nicely, very cheaply but adorable....the bride spray painted tin cans antique white and pink, tied ribbons and attached baby's breath and hung them from the trees, had pictures of the couple in frames on the trees and everyone brought a family recipe dessert along with a recipe card. The had lemonade stand and a ice cream Sunday bar.... It was a very sweet wedding and they did it on a very tight budget....so it can be done and I was happy to bring a dessert. I brought a gift too.

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@151949 wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
@KALLIE wrote:
@sunshine45 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
There are many ways to have a wedding that is still classy and refined without having to go to the extreme of it being dutch. The obvious one is get married in the morning, have it at your home and have a tea,coffee, punch and just some assorted baked goods and cake. Essentially a tea party. I went to a very nice wedding once at a county park picnic grove, they had a keg of beer and assorted cold foods like sandwiches and potato salad etc. The invitation said - this is a picnic, dress appropriately. One of the best weddings I ever attended. Cake with coffee , tea and punch in the church hall after the ceremony is always nice. I know someone who had this type of wedding because the groom's family were a hoard of drunks so they did not want to have something where alcohol would be available.
My second wedding we had family only, very small affair at a restaurant then sent out announcements to about 150 people. Probably half of those who we sent announcements sent us a gift - not $$$ gifts - but momentos like crystal candy dishes and silver teapots. We got several beautiful picture frames which are still in use. We were surprized and thrilled by them all. On the announcement we put our new address and phone number and we received many congratulatory phone calls and visits as well.

my guess around here on these forums is is that some people would consider sending out 150 wedding announcements (and not being invited to the wedding) to be a "gift grab."......a term i have never used before.
It DEFINITELY sounds like a "gift grab" to me.

Agreed, Sending out 150 wedding announcements without, (no gifts please) is a gift grab imo. I could see if it's a graduation ceremony where few are invited. I would be embarrassed to send out 150 wedding announcements, without inviting people.
I am thinking your mother would be mortally embarrassed and ashamed that her child was actually saying this right to a person. Who raised you people? Wolves?

What a nice sweet post HH.!!!

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<3 MOM

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

Ok curiosity got the best of me and read the details of this particular invitation.... It is in poor taste. If inviting the church and sending out formal invitations with escort and menu attached...then yes, very tacky. Why not just have finger sandwiches, butter mints, nuts and punch in the church reception hall.....honestly what happened people? I am only 47 and I remember growing up almost all the wedding receptions were at the church and the above menu was almost the same every time....egg salad sandwiches, tuna salad sandwiches or pimento cheese...lol oh yes don't forget the elaborate wedding cakes with bridges and 7 tiers. Anyway, it's very tacky and I would decline this particular invitation you received.

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

Gosh, my brain is on fire...maybe a different thread should be started...I just remembered that last year my very younger cousin had an extremely lavish, expensive wedding in New Orleans. I felt it was tacky that they included a website to purchase things they wanted for their honeymoon. They went to Europe and the website had gifts listed in a variety of spending ranges but they actually had the hotel rooms listed for purchase, airline tickets, dinner reservations, and for her wedding shower they had very expensive items listed....knives for $3k, it was so over the top and oh yeah, they had bonus points added in their name if you ordered thru Macy's so they could get more gifts. I was mortified that not only was I spending money for travel, hotel and food that they asked for such over the top gifts. Anyways, apparently this is the new thing but I was in shock people putting things like that on a registry.

RazorSharp · ‎02-20-2016

@NativeJax wrote:
Gosh, my brain is on fire...maybe a different thread should be started...I just remembered that last year my very younger cousin had an extremely lavish, expensive wedding in New Orleans. I felt it was tacky that they included a website to purchase things they wanted for their honeymoon. They went to Europe and the website had gifts listed in a variety of spending ranges but they actually had the hotel rooms listed for purchase, airline tickets, dinner reservations, and for her wedding shower they had very expensive items listed....knives for $3k, it was so over the top and oh yeah, they had bonus points added in their name if you ordered thru Macy's so they could get more gifts. I was mortified that not only was I spending money for travel, hotel and food that they asked for such over the top gifts. Anyways, apparently this is the new thing but I was in shock people putting things like that on a registry.

Two of my coworkers were married last year, and they used this type of website as well. I actually thought it was a fantastic idea, and much better than a standard gift registry. Instead of going to a website and buying them a popcorn maker, you could buy them breakfast, lunch, or dinner at various restaurants of their choice during their honeymoon in New Orleans, or pay for one of their hotel nights. I just find this much more personal and festive than buying a couple of champagne flutes or a clothes hamper.

sunshine45 · ‎03-09-2010

RazorSharp wrote:
NativeJax wrote:
Gosh, my brain is on fire...maybe a different thread should be started...I just remembered that last year my very younger cousin had an extremely lavish, expensive wedding in New Orleans. I felt it was tacky that they included a website to purchase things they wanted for their honeymoon. They went to Europe and the website had gifts listed in a variety of spending ranges but they actually had the hotel rooms listed for purchase, airline tickets, dinner reservations, and for her wedding shower they had very expensive items listed....knives for $3k, it was so over the top and oh yeah, they had bonus points added in their name if you ordered thru Macy's so they could get more gifts. I was mortified that not only was I spending money for travel, hotel and food that they asked for such over the top gifts. Anyways, apparently this is the new thing but I was in shock people putting things like that on a registry.
Two of my coworkers were married last year, and they used this type of website as well. I actually thought it was a fantastic idea, and much better than a standard gift registry. Instead of going to a website and buying them a popcorn maker, you could buy them breakfast, lunch, or dinner at various restaurants of their choice during their honeymoon in New Orleans, or pay for one of their hotel nights. I just find this much more personal and festive than buying a couple of champagne flutes or a clothes hamper.

@RazorSharp

i have some family and friends who did this also and i appreciated it! it made it easy to choose something that i know they could use. one couple went on a cruise.....you could buy them drinks, give them a tour in a city they were stopping in, a night at a club in town, taxi cab rides, a meal at a restaurant wherever they stopped, a night at the hotel before they departed......lots of choices. they both had so many things already for their home and really didnt "need" anything. i know some are put off by this, but i like it and have used the honeymoon registries.

********************************************
"The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing." - Albert Einstein

NativeJax · ‎01-27-2015

Hi Razor,

It is unique and I suppose it is very personal because I bought dinner for two in Paris but I would feel terrible picking over the top, expensive gifts like that (me personally).... Like I was "gift grabbing?" A new term I learned tonight lol
I will say they had gifts listed as low as $25 but those $3k gifts made my blood pressure spike...yikes! We aren't rich people.
I do believe weddings are getting out of hand for some but most of the ones I have been too the past few years were pretty frugal and nice but I have heard about some very lavish ones too.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@151949 wrote:
@VanSleepy wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@NYC Susan
I said earlier that I felt the OP's invitation wa a gift grab and should be treated as such. Then the nasty remarks like Sunshine 45's started from there. Apparently you missed some posts. Some one can't miss an opportunity for a mean personal, as hurtful as possible attack to go by. You know how it is here.

I don't think Sunshine meant it in a nasty way. I almost posted the same thing and didn't mean it in a nasty way. It's just that with all the talk of "gift grabs", some may have perceived your announcement as such even though it was not your intention.
How could it possibly NOT be nasty to tell someone that when she sent out her wedding announcements it was a gift grab? Is that something YOU would normally say to a person?

That is not what she said! With all due respect, you need to read more carefully. If you didn't understand what Sunshine wrote, several of us added our own interpretations, which she confirmed were correct, so you should read those carefully too.

You clearly misunderstood. Not a big deal, it happens to everyone. But it's been clarified several times and she has apologized for any misunderstanding. I'm not sure what else you want. There's a lot to get upset and outraged about here on these forums. Posters are sometimes inappropriate and unnecessarily mean. But this is absolutely not one of those times.