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05-03-2018 09:51 AM
As in, they probably wouldn't have married their SO if he/she didn't have as much $$$? I used to work for a plastic surgeon who had a girlfriend that was defintely a golddigger. They had some things in common but if he ever found himself in debt, she'd be out. I had a relationship with someone who was very generous but eventually found himself in a rough patch. I'll admit; it was much nicer when he was doing well but I was with him for his personality and intelligence, something that was very important to me.
I'll be the first to admit that my interest in someone would increase if I were to find out he was doing well for himself. But there HAS to be interest in the first place. I don't think I could handle someone that didn't share the same values but had lots of money.
05-03-2018 10:01 AM
I have an Aunt that married for what she thought was money. During their divorce, she found out his medical practice wasn't nearly as luvrative as she hoped. Dumb.
05-03-2018 10:24 AM
No because everyone I knew got married very young (like I did) and none of us had any money to start with.
Later in life my late husband became very successful and I always thought women who knew him (through business) might be interested in him because they'd know how successful he was.
He was always all about business and didn't show any interest in other women, just not interested. To be honest most women were intimidated by him just because he was 'all about business' not into small talk, etc. They'd come to me to tell me what the wanted or needed from him (business-wise). I made several new female friends that way! Ha!
Actually, I think that's what happened to my daughter. Her husband became very successful. I think this woman (working in an area where she knew how successful he was) 'worked' on him and ......long story...short...my daughter is now getting a divorce.
I remember one day way before we knew about the divorce she said to me, "Mom, I think I'd about to become a member of the 'First Wives Club'. Not too long after that HE filed for divorce. The interesting thing though is that he'll never marry this woman because the only person he's really interested in is himself....My daughter even said, "I don't blame HER at all. It just happened to be this woman who pushed him. She used every trick in the book" (telling him how great he was)."
But I think that's maybe different from what the OP is talking about.....but I don't know that you can separate the two things very often.
If neither party is married I don't see anything wrong with it. I have to wonder if it would last but (I believe) like all marriages, if you really work at it (the marriage) much of the time you can keep it going. However, some people (especially males because they are usually the successful one's) believe there's something better out there (as in, never truly satisfied).
If you read and believe the 'talking heads' things are slowly changing. As more women become successful and are out in the work-place around others, they are 'messing around' more than ever (straying from the marriage, for whatever reasons).
I tend to think (while women are more likely to marry for money) most of the time they also convince themselves they are also in love with the individual (aside from the individual's money).
I know individuals who have had relationships with males who were successful in order to survive. Much of the time these women have children and are the sole support. Some call them (the polite word is 'ladies of the night') but (knowing the situation) I say, "Judge not, lest ye be judged". I think women are more likely to have relationships like this (one might call it mutual win-win) because I think females have (for want of a better word) a gene that makes them (at all costs) want to care for and protect their children. Sometimes that means doing things they'd have never in a million years thought they'd ever do.
It seems to me (unfortunately) that other women are the worst judges of ...... well...women. It would be nice if this were to change (due to the 'me too' movement).
However, unfortunately, it seems to be the movement is loosing steam. I hear more women attacking other women, for speaking out, lately than in the beginning of this 'movement'. Society has a way of becoming leery of too much....too quickly... Then the 'talking heads' move on to something more salacious. Salacious is often what get's people's attention and can pull them away from the issue at hand....
Salacious sells, unfortunately.
05-03-2018 10:27 AM - edited 05-03-2018 10:38 AM
IMO .... There's a difference between marrying only for money, and marrying for stability ...... but not much.
For many centuries, In many parts of the world, marriages were about creating stability, and you had low expectations for anything else. Hopefully, they got along. Love was low on the list.
In modern times, for most first marriages, women get married with the goal of having children and the financial support of a partner, whether of not they have solid careers of their own.
I'm guessing that these women wouldn't call it marrying for money, but would definitely avoid a man who had no money and was in a lot of debt. His finances are at least somewhat important ... and his earning potential.
Whether or not it's apparent, people get married for all sorts of reasons besides just love. Any relationship works if both peoples' needs are being met. I had a boss once who told me that when he was looking for a wife, the most important features were that she was at least fairly attractive and was very socially adept and would be a great (not good) hostess. He was building his career, and wanted to have the right life partner by his side. Turns out, down the road, they were extremely happy.
While I cannot even begin to know all the reasons contributing to the choice of a marriage partner, I do know that love is only one factor, and most smart women will tell you that just love is not enough. Marrying ONLY for love is no guarantee that things will work out well.
05-03-2018 10:35 AM
Yes. In fact, I know more that did than did not.
Tinkrbl44 made an excellent point: stability is a BIG deal depending on your circumstances, where you came from, what you want. I was always told "it's just as easy to fall for a rich guy as it is a poor guy; so why choose a poor guy?"
As Life goes on, I understand what my mother, Aunties, cousins and many other women I've met through the decades were saying when they spoke these words.
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