Community Chat

[muttmom]

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@itiswhatitis wrote:

I need different points of view about someone I've come to know.  I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist.  I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others.  If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them.  I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat.  I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

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I think you've described a few posters here.

[AngelPuppy1]

Sometimes it is not entirely possible to avoid or drop someone like this.  If they are an immediate family member or if they work with you, it's very difficult.  I have or have had a couple of people in my life like this.  My best advice is the same as others, if you can avoid this person, do so.  If not, limit contact as much as possible.  

This type of person is usually (in my experience) one who is never wrong also.  They pretend to be humble, pretend to have low self-esteem, pretend to care about others, when just the opposite is true.  

I once had a "friend" who all she did was use me as a sounding board for everything that she felt was wrong in her life, to listen to every injustice that was done to her, to sit and hold her hand (literally) about every imagined health issue she pretended to have.  In exchange, she turned a blind eye and a cold heart toward me when I could have used her with any problem or issue I had.  No support was ever forthcoming from her and never did she ask me if there was anything she could do for me.

Thankfully and blessedly she is no longer around me on an every day basis so my exposure to her is very limited.  

You cannot win with someone such as this and it's best to stay as far away as you possibly can!!!!!  

[software]

AGREE!

I'd also like to add BE the person who brings out the best in others.

A person with a certain behavior seems to attract people with similar behavior.

Not saying this is the case for the OP, just saying.

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@AKgirl2 wrote:

Sorround yourself with people who being out the best in you, and not the worst in you.  This has gotten easier through the years😊

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[Trinity11]

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@itiswhatitis wrote:

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@Pearlee wrote:

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@itiswhatitis wrote:

I need different points of view about someone I've come to know.  I have come to the conclusion that she is a narcissist.  I could be wrong but I'm wondering what you would call someone who is:

Must be the center of attention (all the time)

Needs people to "need her."

Over inflated sense of self importance

Whines all the time about how she is treated by others (misunderstood, people picking on her)

Sneaky and does underhanded things

Not very emphatic towards others.  If so, only when it will put her in a good light.

Will cause trouble for some just because she can

I am a firm believer that if there are people you don't get along with well, that you stay out of their way and/or not associate with them.  I'm not into drama so it would be no problem for me to drop this person as an associate in a heart beat.  I pretty much have, but she hasn't gotten the message yet.

Thanks.

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@itiswhatitis Since you haven't posted anything positive in this list, and since you have pretty much gotten rid of her anyway, what difference does it make what we think?  IMO you know the answer to what you are asking here  already.  

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I haven't got rid of her yet.  She's not getting my drift.  Like I indicated, I have tried to sever ties with her in a diplomatic way.  It's possible I may have to resort to ratchetness @Pearlee.

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With people like that you need to be frank and let them know you have no intention in having any interaction with them. I have only had to do that once in my lifetime and it was difficult but I knew it had to be done. Diplomacy goes over their head and won't work because they think they are so "special" and "wonderful" you couldn't possibly want to dissolve a relationship with them.

[rrpell]

This is what I do.  I first remind myself that I am the only one that inhabits my shell.  

No matter how much I disagree with someone, I am the only one that feels those negative feelings .  I own them.  They are mine. 

Then, I concentrate on whether I want those feelings to continue to be inside of me.

If I fully embrace I am in control of what is inside my head, I usually come to the conclusion the only thing that matters is what I do.  

I strive to be better.  I try not to concentrate on my perceived weaknesses of others.  

These situations become just minor annoyances and are put in their proper perspective.

My resolve is not to change them, which is not my job, my focus is always on becoming a better me.

[Moonchilde]

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@Melania wrote:

Why do you require a label? Will it change anything? 

You have pretty much made up your mind. What more do you want?

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Validation? Attention?

[Moonchilde]

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@cotton4me wrote:

As far as diagnosing people.  I tend to look for reasons why someone might be the way there are.  It’s just for me personally and I may be wrong, but I find it helpful in possibly understanding them.  For instance, my old boss – saw a Larry King show about psychopathic bosses.  A light come on, did research.  He seemed to fit the profile.  It helped me in learning how to deal with him.  No harm, no foul.

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For the most part, I don't CARE why people are the way they are, I only care about the way they interact with me. If they are not someone who MUST be in my life, they fairly quickly are not in it if the relationship is not mutual. I don't need to figure them out. I know I don't want to be around them, so end of story.

[Texasmouse]

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@itiswhatitis wrote:

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@libbyannE wrote:

The world is often a mirror, so if something upsets you in someone else, it could be that it reminds you if something you do not like in yourself. When someone irritates me, which is not often, I always ask myself that question to see what I can learn in a positive way. Having said that, I do not understand your post because you have assessed this person already. Why hang out with someone whose behavior bothers you? Move on.

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This is interesting, but it is often true.  Not one of the traits I mentioned could describe me. Not one.  Honestly, I'm not a "me" person, I am a we person.  I prefer comrade.  I don't do underhanded things to people, as I would not be able to sleep at night (guilt).  I'm nothing like this person, thus, the reason I dislike her so @libbyannE.

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Maybe it's the"opposites attract" thing. You're the yin to her yang. Perhaps she sees qualities in you that she wishes she could possess (even though she might never admit it) or maybe you remind her of someone in her life at some point who made her feel wanted or needed. Either way, it has to be a two-way thing so if you're doing all the giving and she's doing all the taking, that will wear thin after a while. I'm not good at confrontation so I don't envy you the task of distancing yourself from her. Good luck, @itiswhatitis

[Drythe]

@itiswhatitis

~Share no information with this person. Give them NOTHING to comment about. If this person shares info with you simply reply - oh, or my, my.  Do not offer an opinion, advice, or seem interested.

~Use your caller ID

~Do not extend invitations - give no reasons, say you're really busy if pushed

~Do not accept invitations - ditto

~If stuck in an elevator with this person and forced to talk, discuss the weather.

~ If asked a direct question change the subject to the most boring thing you can think of.

~ If a long sad story comes along, say, oh, or my, my - do not offer help.

Best of luck.

[itiswhatitis]

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@SaRina wrote:

So, if I understand the point of your OP, you met someone who you started to be friendly with, then discovered she had all these negative traits and you are no longer interested in having anything to do with her, but you don't know how to disengage?

It shouldn't be difficult to disengage. Just be unavailable, you're schedule is too busy, don't return phone calls, make use of caller ID.

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Yes, that is correct @SaRina.  Don't know what all the "extra" stuff was from others who bothered.

It's not what I would call difficult, but it will be uncomfortable, as I will run into this person from time to time.  I met her through an organization we both belong to. 

I will just tell her, that we are very different and we don't have anything else in common except the organization.