DNA testing and adoptees: what would you do? - Page 5

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Mominohio wrote:
@Noel7 wrote:
@Mominohio wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
I can't believe all the people willingly give up their dna.

I'm just old enough (and often accused of being a conspiracy theorist!) that I find it creepy and amazing myself.

I see the good side of it, but I see a bunch of my personal information out there, that at some time, or in the wrong hands, I might wish I'd never allowed out.

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@Mominohio

What are your concerns? Not being coy, I don't understand what difference it would make.

I'm a big right to privacy person. And I have no problem with people who want to share, doing so for whatever reason (adopted and looking, tracing family lineage etc.).

For me, I see what has happened in history with many things, and in this case, the women who decades ago were promised sealed records, and then violated when they were unsealed, and it is enough for me to realize that in the future, one's DNA information could be anything from 'hacked' to misused, to showing up in some way, some where, they never considered it happening.

Kind of like if you got your first credit card back in the 1960's. You realized that it could be stolen from your purse and misused, but I don't think anyone at that time ever thought that technology would advance to the point that it would be 'easy' for the wrong people to not only steal it the way it happens today, but for someone to then use it to help steal your identity, ruin your credit, etc.

We face a dilemma in today's world because science and technology are advancing faster than we can regulate it , control it, and there are often unintended and unwanted consequences that come, and perhaps we should "think before we do" about what it might mean or how it may affect us in the future.

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Thanks for your response. I totally agree that we have not been able to keep up with regulating technology. I'd have to think about science, we can't regulate science but we can regulate what is done with the findings.

I doubt there will ever be call to record everyone's DNA, but I would hope what is known would be kept private unless willingly released. There could be great benefits, for example, studying the genetic differences between those who don't get certain diseases and those who do, those with the same DNA such as with identical twins. There is already some idea as to how that happens, but there is much more to learn.

Poodlepet2 · ‎03-09-2010

Y-DNA testing can be done, too. Don't take my word on any of this: research it for yourselves.....as for a few of the comments I.have read here, I am not "sin" incarnate, and I am not a terrible person for wanting to know about the people who created me. If anything, I feel more sympathy than you know-especially for the woman who gave birth to me....she was probably cast out by her parents-had me- then told never to talk about it ever again....oh, and I have read advisories for doing tummy exercises so that no young man would be the wiser on the wedding night......really? What am I doing so wrong????

Poodlepet2

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Poodlepet2 wrote:
Y-DNA testing can be done, too. Don't take my word on any of this: research it for yourselves.....as for a few of the comments I.have read here, I am not "sin" incarnate, and I am not a terrible person for wanting to know about the people who created me. If anything, I feel more sympathy than you know-especially for the woman who gave birth to me....she was probably cast out by her parents-had me- then told never to talk about it ever again....oh, and I have read advisories for doing tummy exercises so that no young man would be the wiser on the wedding night......really? What am I doing so wrong????
Poodlepet2

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Y DNA can be tested on men, not on women, we don't inherit the Y chromosome.

We can find out if we have our father or a close relative of his to test, but not on us.

JustJazzmom · ‎03-09-2010

@Deanie wrote:
@151949 wrote:
I don't understand why someone feels they have to drag up a person's oldest and most painful history to put out there to the entire world. To not only open wounds for the person but possibly make new wounds with their loved ones. What does this achieve? Someone wanted a child badly and adopted you. Why can't their love be enough?
A girl I was friends with in HS got pregnant and put the child up for adoption. After college she married a minister. About 25 years later the kid shows up at the door while the entire vestry was in the living room, and announces who she is. To say it was seriously bad timing is putting it very mildly. And yes, her deepest oldest secret was now public knowledge throughout the entire diocese. Her husband did know so that was good, if he hadn't known -- can you imagine how that may have turned out? As it was she has 2 sons who were teens at that time and it was extremely difficult for them - with everyone knowing and all.Some things are best left alone.
Similar situation happened to a very dear friend of mine who lost her husband after the child showed up on her doorstep. I have serious issues regarding the so called laws that exist in this country regarding the indiscriminate way that they can change to whichever way the political winds blow. Unfortunately, for all concerned the needs of the adopted outweigh the privacy of the individual that gave birth, even though there was promised anonymity. And, did you ever notice it is the peculiar drive for the adopted individual to find the Mother? Never the Father. The Father remains relatively unknown. What it may result in is one may never be truthful to a medical professional, or institution. Will this, for instance, if one informs a MP of a problem, can this at some point be used against you? Alas ,if one has engaged in the consumption of adult beverages and now needs a kidney transplant. I bring this up because of how quickly the ill winds of change and chance can change. One never knows when the political winds will blow the opposite way, do one?

I think you meant to type 'liver transplant' as the liver acts as the filter for adult beverages.

☼The best place to seek God is in a garden. You can dig for him there. GBShaw☼

jaxs mom · ‎04-18-2012

@Sooner wrote:
Maybe it is just me, but I would never take the chance to open Pandora's box this way. I mean if you give up a child, that is a huge and terrible thing for the mother. Who knows what peace in life may be destroyed by going back like this. Maybe the woman is married and her current husband and child don't know; there are so many what if's. I'm too much of a chicken to take that chance I guess.

Well my mother is extremely happy that my sibling found her and that she has been able to know her grandchildren. They are close and spend time together regularly.

Don't Change Your Authenticity for Approval

MaggieMack · ‎10-01-2014

@Poodlepet2, not that it matters, but I support your endeavors. I arrived here with immense curiosity, my grandfather used to say I could ask more questions than seven Wise Men could answer. I would want to know, too. I am certain there is room for you to receive the answers you need while at the same time leaving everyone's dignity intact. Compassion and gentleness are excellent companions.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@MaggieMack wrote:
@Poodlepet2, not that it matters, but I support your endeavors. I arrived here with immense curiosity, my grandfather used to say I could ask more questions than seven Wise Men could answer. I would want to know, too. I am certain there is room for you to receive the answers you need while at the same time leaving everyone's dignity intact. Compassion and gentleness are excellent companions.

@MaggieMack, I have worked in adoptions, specifically in facillitating adult adoptee/birth mother contact. I really like how you eloquently expressed your opinion regarding maintaining dignity and compassion in the process.

Deanie · ‎03-09-2010

@JustJazzmom wrote:
@Deanie wrote:
@151949 wrote:
I don't understand why someone feels they have to drag up a person's oldest and most painful history to put out there to the entire world. To not only open wounds for the person but possibly make new wounds with their loved ones. What does this achieve? Someone wanted a child badly and adopted you. Why can't their love be enough?
A girl I was friends with in HS got pregnant and put the child up for adoption. After college she married a minister. About 25 years later the kid shows up at the door while the entire vestry was in the living room, and announces who she is. To say it was seriously bad timing is putting it very mildly. And yes, her deepest oldest secret was now public knowledge throughout the entire diocese. Her husband did know so that was good, if he hadn't known -- can you imagine how that may have turned out? As it was she has 2 sons who were teens at that time and it was extremely difficult for them - with everyone knowing and all.Some things are best left alone.
Similar situation happened to a very dear friend of mine who lost her husband after the child showed up on her doorstep. I have serious issues regarding the so called laws that exist in this country regarding the indiscriminate way that they can change to whichever way the political winds blow. Unfortunately, for all concerned the needs of the adopted outweigh the privacy of the individual that gave birth, even though there was promised anonymity. And, did you ever notice it is the peculiar drive for the adopted individual to find the Mother? Never the Father. The Father remains relatively unknown. What it may result in is one may never be truthful to a medical professional, or institution. Will this, for instance, if one informs a MP of a problem, can this at some point be used against you? Alas ,if one has engaged in the consumption of adult beverages and now needs a kidney transplant. I bring this up because of how quickly the ill winds of change and chance can change. One never knows when the political winds will blow the opposite way, do one?
I think you meant to type 'liver transplant' as the liver acts as the filter for adult beverages.

Yes, thanks for the correction. I was on my way to the *&^%( you know) when writing this missive. And, you can see where my mind or other things were.

JustJazzmom · ‎03-09-2010

No problem Deanie, I was busy typing my response on my stationary bicycle.

☼The best place to seek God is in a garden. You can dig for him there. GBShaw☼

MomCat · ‎09-12-2010

I wish you all the luck in achieving what you want out of these relationships. I think this is such a personal decision, and you have to do what you are comfortable with. Unfortunately, every single person I know who has been in your position have regretted making contact with their past. I appreciated reading some positive stories here. I have no idea what I'd do.