DNA testing and adoptees: what would you do? - Page 4

HappyDaze · ‎06-13-2012

@missy1 wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
Spoiler

I'm terribley confused. Where in the world, the real world, can you go to have genetic testing done and they give you a list of people who are related to you? I work in heallthcare and one of things my department does is obtain insurance authorization for genetic testing. This idea of this is your profile....and.....these are your relatives is preposterous. It's not even possible. So, I understand that you want to find your birth mother and because it was a closed adoption, that will only be possible if your state has a system in which the birth mother provides a letter stating that if/when the child wishes to find her, she would like a meeting. A few states have that but probably not back when you were placed for adoption. But you should devinitely investigate that possibility. In the fictictional scenario that you proposed, there would be only one way to fairly handle the situation. You would ask one of the "relatives" to act as intermediary. If your birth mother wanted to meet you, fine. But if she did NOT, then you would respect her privacy and her wishes. Also, the "relatives" would respect her privacy and refrain from developing a relationship with you. However, none of that can happen since there is no master genetic data base.

23andMe does this. Basically you do a dna test via swab and then others with similar dna who are part of the program and opt to be open to be contacted by others with similar DNA (i.e. related) will appear and people may or may not start contacting you. My husband had this done but the closest relative he has listed so far is a third cousin or something like that. A few people have reached out to him but they are not closely related and he hasn't responded.

I can't believe all the people willingly give up their dna.

I suppose most people aren't paranoid about it and more interested in what can be learned from it than what might be done with it. I know more than 1 million people have had it done through 23andme.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Maybe it is just me, but I would never take the chance to open Pandora's box this way. I mean if you give up a child, that is a huge and terrible thing for the mother. Who knows what peace in life may be destroyed by going back like this. Maybe the woman is married and her current husband and child don't know; there are so many what if's. I'm too much of a chicken to take that chance I guess.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@HappyDaze wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
I can't believe all the people willingly give up their dna.
I suppose most people aren't paranoid about it. I know more than 1 million people have had it done through 23andme.

****************************

My favorite TV program is from Henry Louis Gates, PBS, Finding Your Roots.

He frequently finds DNA matches for the celebs he interviews. Male DNA can go way back, so some of the matches are from pretty long ago.

His latest match of DNA showing both had the same direct ancestor at one point?

Bill Maher and Bill O'Reilly. LOL

MaggieMack · ‎10-01-2014

@Noel7, Hi, Noel!

I was quick and caught the WebMD link before it was deleted, which is inexplicable in itself, but nowhere in the article was a date. I know it was an "archived" article, meaning it is more than two years old. The date 2007 popped up somewhere close, but not in it. Do you know? Maybe those DNA tests are more reliable today (???).

I just recently sent a saliva in to 23andMe for testing, no results yet. No burning desire, not adopted, just curious about a couple stories my siblings and I had heard that can be answered by the test. I was going to start a thread when I have the results just so others can learn about what type of info is available. I won't be contacting any of my third cousins, lol, I don't even have contact with my first!

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Burnsite wrote:
Closed adoptions were so cruel. A lady I worked with had serious health problems (cardiac symptoms) whose treatment was elusive and difficult.

After many years of searching (this was in the 1990s), she found her birth-mother, who (as in Donovan's case) refused to fill out health information or have anything to do with her. Sadly, my colleague died of heart failure soon after. She was the nicest person--sad to think her own family had no interest in her health or happiness.

I see closed adoptions differently than many. I will have to first admit, I'm not adopted nor did I give up a child for adoption, so can't say 'I understand how it all feels'.

But feelings aren't all that are involved. There are many people in this world who knew at least one of their parents, but the family was dysfunctional enough that they haven't any better idea about their 'health' history than someone from a closed adoption. My mom is one of those.

It is what it is. It is nice to know a health history, but treatments are rendered, tests administered every day to people without the advantage of knowing what their genetic past held. And how many times do we hear that a family history of such and such warrants one watching for that condition/disease, but in reality, more people without a family history are diagnosed with many conditions, than those with said disease/condition in their family histories.

And women gave their children up for adoption, for many reasons, during times when it was so shameful and life destroying for many to not do so. Life was different back then, and to change things after they were promised that their privacy wouldn't be violated is just wrong.

I'm all for establishing a system (which I'm sure has been done) for people who gave up and were given up to register, and if the match is made, both consenting parties then connect, but to just unseal records that were promised not to be, is a real violation of the mother who may now have her life severely disrupted, decades later.

Anyone beginning the search, should only do it if they are willing to accept the most devastating information or denials. It is definitely something one shouldn't go into assuming it will end well, like the TV shows portray.

For those who feel the emptiness, or the missing pieces, I'm sorry that you do, but if it helps any at all, there are many that know, and were raised, by their birth parents who don't have any more emotional fulfilment than you do, who's childhood and raising were so lacking (or even horrible), they wish they'd been adopted.

Sometimes I think we focus on and wish for things that just aren't meant to be for us, and we should spend more time on creating families/relationships/lives that we do have some control over, and at some time, let the other stuff go.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@MaggieMack wrote:
@Noel7, Hi, Noel!

I was quick and caught the WebMD link before it was deleted, which is inexplicable in itself, but nowhere in the article was a date. I know it was an "archived" article, meaning it is more than two years old. The date 2007 popped up somewhere close, but not in it. Do you know? Maybe those DNA tests are more reliable today (???).

I just recently sent a saliva in to 23andMe for testing, no results yet. No burning desire, not adopted, just curious about a couple stories my siblings and I had heard that can be answered by the test. I was going to start a thread when I have the results just so others can learn about what type of info is available. I won't be contacting any of my third cousins, lol, I don't even have contact with my first!

********************************

Hi Maggie

I don't think they've nailed those tests yet, if I can find something on it, I'll post it. They seem to be just for paternity testing.

I'd like to know, also, but my father died years ago and had no close male relatives to substitute (no brother, no son).

Shorty2U · ‎03-09-2010

Id just come right out and tell them if you want to know. It is my belief that most people would want to meet you and accept you. (I know i would if I was in the same situation). And I hope and pray if you do that you get the answers you are looking for. Best of luck to you.

And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make~ The Beatles

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@missy1 wrote:
@HappyDaze wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
Spoiler

I'm terribley confused. Where in the world, the real world, can you go to have genetic testing done and they give you a list of people who are related to you? I work in heallthcare and one of things my department does is obtain insurance authorization for genetic testing. This idea of this is your profile....and.....these are your relatives is preposterous. It's not even possible. So, I understand that you want to find your birth mother and because it was a closed adoption, that will only be possible if your state has a system in which the birth mother provides a letter stating that if/when the child wishes to find her, she would like a meeting. A few states have that but probably not back when you were placed for adoption. But you should devinitely investigate that possibility. In the fictictional scenario that you proposed, there would be only one way to fairly handle the situation. You would ask one of the "relatives" to act as intermediary. If your birth mother wanted to meet you, fine. But if she did NOT, then you would respect her privacy and her wishes. Also, the "relatives" would respect her privacy and refrain from developing a relationship with you. However, none of that can happen since there is no master genetic data base.

23andMe does this. Basically you do a dna test via swab and then others with similar dna who are part of the program and opt to be open to be contacted by others with similar DNA (i.e. related) will appear and people may or may not start contacting you. My husband had this done but the closest relative he has listed so far is a third cousin or something like that. A few people have reached out to him but they are not closely related and he hasn't responded.

I can't believe all the people willingly give up their dna.

I'm just old enough (and often accused of being a conspiracy theorist!) that I find it creepy and amazing myself.

I see the good side of it, but I see a bunch of my personal information out there, that at some time, or in the wrong hands, I might wish I'd never allowed out.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Mominohio wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
I can't believe all the people willingly give up their dna.

I'm just old enough (and often accused of being a conspiracy theorist!) that I find it creepy and amazing myself.

I see the good side of it, but I see a bunch of my personal information out there, that at some time, or in the wrong hands, I might wish I'd never allowed out.

***********************************

@Mominohio

What are your concerns? Not being coy, I don't understand what difference it would make.

Mominohio · ‎08-08-2010

@Noel7 wrote:
@Mominohio wrote:
@missy1 wrote:
I can't believe all the people willingly give up their dna.

I'm just old enough (and often accused of being a conspiracy theorist!) that I find it creepy and amazing myself.

I see the good side of it, but I see a bunch of my personal information out there, that at some time, or in the wrong hands, I might wish I'd never allowed out.

***********************************

@Mominohio

What are your concerns? Not being coy, I don't understand what difference it would make.

I'm a big right to privacy person. And I have no problem with people who want to share, doing so for whatever reason (adopted and looking, tracing family lineage etc.).

For me, I see what has happened in history with many things, and in this case, the women who decades ago were promised sealed records, and then violated when they were unsealed, and it is enough for me to realize that in the future, one's DNA information could be anything from 'hacked' to misused, to showing up in some way, some where, they never considered it happening.

Kind of like if you got your first credit card back in the 1960's. You realized that it could be stolen from your purse and misused, but I don't think anyone at that time ever thought that technology would advance to the point that it would be 'easy' for the wrong people to not only steal it the way it happens today, but for someone to then use it to help steal your identity, ruin your credit, etc.

We face a dilemma in today's world because science and technology are advancing faster than we can regulate it , control it, and there are often unintended and unwanted consequences that come, and perhaps we should "think before we do" about what it might mean or how it may affect us in the future.