Re: DEALING WITH NEW NEIGHBOR

shell garden · ‎04-28-2015

As long as they are not like the nosy neighbor, "Mrs. Kravitz"....you will be fine. Go have that cup of coffee.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@pdlinda wrote:
I've lived in my apt for 17 years and recently got new neighbors. There are 2 apts per floor. Kitchen windows face each other.

Last year I retired from a very stressful career in the criminal justice field where I worked for 25 years.

In all the years I'm here, I've had many neighbors across the hall. In each case it was a woman who worked as I did on a regular schedule.

New neighbors are a middle-aged couple. When they moved in last month, I met them briefly on the walkway between our apartments and was cordial.

I noticed that, unlike the rest of the people here, the new couple keeps their kitchen window blinds raised so when I leave I'm looking right into their apartment. This makes me feel uncomfortable as I'm not sure whether to acknowledge them if they are staring right at me.
I feel awkward as I've never experienced this before. The apt is very bright with panoramic views all around, so the practice I've always had (and the other 5 residents of the building) is to keep the kitchen blinds drawn to maintain privacy.

Yesterday, the man knocked on my door and asked when I'd be available to come over for "coffee." I was kind of shocked as this has never happened before. The neighbors here are "friendly" but there's never been "socializing" one neighbor to another.

I responded in some "neutral" way not wanting to appear rude; however, I felt uncomfortable.

I do NOT want to establish a "friendship" with this couple but feel fine casually greeting them like I do the other neighbors.

The whole point of my retirement was to allow me to do what I want, when I want to, with whom I want to and have the privacy I have always experienced living here. This situation has created some unwelcome stress for me.

Believe me, I KNOW the issue is mine as I know I have no control over these people and the only "control" I have is how I respond to them.

Any suggestions how I maintain my boundries and not encourage any further social interaction with these people except for normal greetings without seeming to be rude???

not going to read to end of thread,

but

go for coffee and meet your new neighbors, establish a cordial relationship with them. you can stay for 10 minutes, start out on a nice footing.

You don't know if there will come a time when you might need a friendly face to help you with something,

as for the window, that is a bit odd, and may be for them too

how about just getting a light diffusing shade/lace curtain or something like that so you wont be looking directly at them

Qshopper1991 · ‎08-15-2014

@pdlinda

I was joking earlier when I responded to this topic. But in all seriousness, I understand. I'm now single and I don't feel the need to mingle with my neighbors and have coffee with them. I say hello, and that's where it ends. And that's because I cherish my time alone with ME. I have a very stressful job, so when I go home, I don't need to hang out with neighbors and have coffee or dinner with them. I workout, have dinner and take a shower or bath and have a Calgon moment with my bubbles and a glass of wine. I don't feel the need for bonding with anyone. I get enough "bonding" in work. By the time I get home, I don't feel the need to interact with humans. Doing it all day for 5 days a week is PLENTY.

If your neighbor becomes persistant, tell him to stuff it. Some people just don't take a hint very well. Because most guys who invite women over for coffee have an agenda. That's the kind of world we live in, sadly. If she invited you, that would be different. But a dude? Nah, I'd pass.

Enjoy your retirement, sweetie!!

spix · ‎04-26-2013

@shell garden wrote:
Awww, geez louise....go over and have a cup of coffee with your new neighbors. While I can understand you do not want to socialize, that is fine....but you should at least be cordial and go have coffee. This would also give you an opportunity to let your new neighbors in on what the neighbors are like around this complex, such as just what you stated.....you keep your blinds closed and there is not much socializing,etc. I am sure your new neighbors would like to know about the ins and outs about what their neighbors (including you) are like.

We had a very young couple (wife expecting) move in next door to me about 2 months ago. I saw them and immediately went over and introduced myself and welcomed them to the neighborhood. Then I proceeded to let them know how who lived where around them....and also let them know we all "took care of and looked out for each other". The young man said, "could we be included in that circle too?? and I said, "of course"!!! A few days later, when most of my neighbors were outside....and the new couple were also outside, I introduced them to all that live around us. Yes, I am rather outgoing and wanted them to feel welcomed. But, even if I wasn't outgoing, I had rather know who my neighbors are.....get them introduced to everyone and feel safer than not knowing who they are and have them feel unwelcomed. You never know when you may need your neighbor for something....so GO GET THAT CUP OF COFFEE AND MAKE YOURSELF AND YOUR NEIGHBORS FEEL GOOD.

My neighborhood is the same way, love it!

QueenDanceALot · ‎04-18-2013

I like neighborhoods where people look out for one another but I'm also a very private person.

Sometimes you have to draw the line with the neighbors who want to become your best friend after you've chatted with them over coffee or whatever.

I'd certainly have coffee with this neighbor and I don't think that just because the man came over alone meant that he was hitting on you.

Now, if you go for coffee and it's only him there I'd be a little suspicious.

Beth-QVC · ‎06-14-2015

Moved:

This post has been removed by QVC because it contains inappropriate language

kelsey17 · ‎04-10-2012

@SXMGirl wrote:
I also keep to myself but am friendly with my neighbors. We do not get together for coffee, but my one neighbor has already told me that I always have a standing invitation to anything going on at their home. While I do not take them up on it, I know that I could get help from them if needed.

I have found that as I get older, I think about what could happen and who would I call for a serious situation since I have no family nearby. I always hope that everyone has someone to call on if they ever have a serious need.

My suggestion is to have coffee with the neighbors and take some cookies with you. It is easy to explain that you do not socialize very much but you are looking forward to them being your neighbor. Keep it casual. The most important thing is to let them know that you are there, which could also be very important to them. We never know what is going to happen.

I had a similar situation...when i first moved to this neighborhood we moved next to a lovely older single woman....we talked a few times in between homes and she did invite me for tea......i did go...but as we talked i did stress that i am not very social and the funny thing is she said the same about herself.....now we chat occasionally between homes and are there for eachother if need be....it works well.....and i believe it was because we were both up front about expectations... Good luck

and i hope they turn out to be good neighbors.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

I'm glad that I live where I do. All of the neighbors are friendly, and know each other, and we all look out for each other. Nobody is paranoid about anybody here.

You know, it's sad. People complain that neighbors no longer know each other, and yet, when someone does try to get to know their new neighbors, they are met with paranoia and a cold shoulder, then get all upset when their neighbors aren't there for them in a crisis.

Get to know your neighbors or don't. But if one chooses not to, then don't come here looking for sympathy when something happens, and the neighbors that you chose to not to get to know, don't do anything to try and help you, because that is the environment that you chose to create for yourself.

(I'm using the universal meaning of you/your).

IMissSuperPoke · ‎10-02-2013

The posters warning you on slipping something into your cup or trying to determine when you are not home by watching out their open window do make very good points, too. I watch a lot of ID channel and you never know. If your gut instinct says stay away, then perhaps not.

I have had neighbors new to the US that had their children translate if the parents didn't understand some of what I was saying. That's probably why the husband did the invite.