Buying a house with a significant other? - Page 3

Gram W · ‎01-22-2013

@carlycat. I wish I had run. Friends and family approved and encouraged my remarriage at 62. We all thought we knew him well. I loved and trusted him and after 4 years living together I decided to finally say yes and "stop living in sin". Long story short you do not want his name on anything connected with you. As your husband he has a right to everything when you are alive. I owned my house free and clear. It needed siding and a new furnace. The bank suggested very strongly he be on a home improvement loan so he could "buy and pay for the things needed for the house". They accused me of not trusting him by keeping all in just my name. I still kept the house alone but this allowed him access to the money. Within less than 30 days the case had been removed from the bank without my knowledge. I found out when the statement arrived. He and his girlfriend had maxed ou credit cards in my name. The cards were gotten by phone and "I" had asked the banks to put my husband on them. I had to get a lawyer. I had to file chapter 13 so I would not lose my house and used car. The law allowed him access to everything without my permission because he was my legal husband. He and his girlfriend had all of my private personnel information thus making it easy for her to pretend to be me on the phone. I had no way to prove that I did not request the credit cards and that I did not have his name put on them. In court I was the one who had to prove I did not approve all that they did. The bank did not have to prove I had done it. All of the purchases and cash was taken by him at a bank in another town. Big mess and all the proof of my innocence was placed on me. They did not have my signature on anything. All transactions had been done by phone. My credit went from the 800s to the bottom. I had to payback 83% of every penny they took. I did have a good lawyer that I knew who was also a judge. He doubled checked all court papers and I had no legal recourse. It took me 5 years working 70 hours per week to get out of bankruptcy. Finally done and building my credit back up. I now have a special male friend on my terms. I will not sell my house, leave my family and move to his town. We spend a week each month together doing special things we both enjoy. We plan ahead and enjoy the planning. At our age we do not feel the need to be married. We are 69 and 72. When are health becomes an issue we both want to near our families. We are smart enough to know that we are each independent people and living together 24/7 would be a big adjustment. We have individual lives with friends and organizations we give alot of time too. We really do love and trust each other but it is not the same love from our youth. Please give your situation some careful thought. Do not hurt your self and do not leave your children an unknown mess after your passing. Your man seems to want everything his way. You need to put yourself first. Please protect your current and future needs. Also because I had married the man that gave him half of my retirement. My lawyer and I were able to fight and protect part of that because most of it was earned before he entered the picture. REMEMBER SPOUSES USUALLY OWN HALF

truffle · ‎01-04-2016

@carlycat I agree with those who said, Run! Any guy who has the nerve to come up with a scheme like that is nothing but an opportunist. Good thing he told you his plans ahead of time. Don't ruin your life, dump him as he cannot ever be trusted, not as a bf either. The fact that he had messy divorces is his problem. Why would you want to be wife #4? He's a loser! I bet he will not even let you break up with him now and will be a hanger on until you have to call the police to get him out of your life. Good luck, you're going to need it. Don't cave in to him!

riley1 · ‎03-10-2010

Three words come to mind: BIG. RED. FLAG.

There's a reason why he's been divorced many times. Time for you to run and fast.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

@Gram W What a strong and brave person you must be! Those two belong behind bars. I'm glad that you've dug yourself out of that mess and built a life that makes you happy and works for you. You deserve it!

MomCat · ‎09-12-2010

From one cat to another - I think you knew the answer before you posted here. It gets complicated as we venture into these relationships at an older age. Since you're only concerned about this particular subject, the house ownership, I vote in the NO category. Hope the rest of your issues are more easily resolved. Good luck!

Montana · ‎03-09-2010

@carlycat, Of course it is reasonable that he would want to financially protect himself and his heirs. It just wouldn't be with my house or my assets. I do not see any advantage for you regarding the house arrangement.

And he isn't even sure he wants to marry you.

bonnielu · ‎03-11-2010

The word RUN also comes to mind. I would not do as he says. He passes first and you are houseless, beholden to his family to have a roof over your head. The whole thing does not sound right to me.

If you still want to be with him, grab a lawyer and get some agreement that you both can feel comfy with. But my gut feeling is RUN don't walk to the nearest exit.

Mellie32 · ‎03-13-2010

@carlycat wrote:
Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together.
However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me.
I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please.

even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. < everything about that sentence would turn me off. He's clearly not serious about marriage at all, nor would he hold you in high-esteem. Buh bye.

Snoopp · ‎02-02-2015

Keep your property. It is usually easy to rent space for an office and he should go that route if he wants more space.

If you decide to go ahead with it, please consult with an attorney to see how you might protect your assets.

millieshops · ‎03-09-2010

Not sure there's really a problem here - if I owned a house with my brother, for example, I'd expect his half to go to his kids, not to someone I chose. Why should a new spouse be expected to pay his way into the marriage and give up the usual benefits of home ownership?

I do think the parties need to be working with a lawyer who understands both real estate and the issues of second marriages. There are devlish details to be put into writing - and they have nothing to do with love at all.