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Regular Contributor
Posts: 247
Registered: ‎06-07-2010

Buying a house with a significant other?

Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my  mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together. 

However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me. 

I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,222
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Run!

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Super Contributor
Posts: 258
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

I think I would rethink this man as a husband. Keep him as a bf if you want but not have him buy half of your house.

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Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 31,025
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

[ Edited ]

@carlycat wrote:

Ladies, appreciate your thoughts on this situation . I am 60 and engaged to a nice man who is 63. I own my deceased mother's house with my brother, and my fiancée needs a house to use as his office. He does not currently own another home. We cere considering having him buy the other half of my  mother's house from my brother, so that my fiancée and I would own it together. 

However, he told me, that even if we got married, even if we owned it together for 10 years, he would leave his "half" of the house to his four adult children from his previous three marriages. He said he would let me use it as long as I wanted, but that he would not leave his "half" to me. 

I feel this is wrong and unreasonable, especially if we were married. He says I am unreasonable and anyone would agree with him. He had a very expensive third divorce and says he's not losing that kind of money again. Your thoughts, please. 


@carlycat

 

Why is it "wrong and unreasonable" for him to want to leave his real estate interest to his children?     

 

I can tell you from first hand experience, the surviving spouse doesn't always do as the couple previously agreed upon.   My father died, leaving their home to my stepmother.   Upon her death, the proceeds of the sale of their home was to be split 4 ways ... with my sisters and I and her son.   Immediately after my father's passing, she transferred 100% ownership to her son, and we didn't learn of this until after her passing!   An estate planner friend of mine said this is happening all the time, and a lot of adult children are getting screwed.   

 

This might be a good relationship, but I think you need to re-think owning a home together.    Don't ask for trouble.  He wants to leave his kids something ....  your home isn't it.  JMO 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,944
Registered: ‎05-24-2016

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?


@bowlicious wrote:

I think I would rethink this man as a husband. Keep him as a bf if you want but not have him buy half of your house.

 

I wouldn't even consider keeping him as a boyfriend...this guy has an agenda, his!!!

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,416
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

Never mix business with pleasure. Let him buy his own house with his own money.

Keep your mother's house in your family as sole and seperate property.

Anything that is not in writing, is folly.

Be very very careful.

Don't let "love" get in your way and cloud your judgement.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,113
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?

[ Edited ]

This should definitely be a red flag to you. If he is telling you how it is going to be and doesn't care what your opinion is then you should really reaccess things. Not being rude or trying to sound harsh but at sixty you should know that you don't change someone and if he has that kind of attitude about this just imagine what his attitude about other things will be. He is already holding things that a previous wife did to him against you. I hope you think about yourself and really think things over before you make a decision about anything permenant or financially with someone like him. Also if he is sixty three and you are going to be his fourth wife that should be a red flag also. Now I am in no way saying that someone who has been divorced wouldn't be a good match but if he has been divorced three times then you really have to know that three women couldn't have been wrong.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,944
Registered: ‎05-24-2016

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?


@Kitlynn wrote:

This should definitely be a red flag to you. If he is telling you how it is going to be and doesn't care what your opinion is then you should really reaccess things. Not being rude or trying to sound harsh but at sixty you should know that you don't change someone and if he has that kind of attitude about this just imagine what his attitude about other things will be. He is already holding things that a previous wife did to him against you. I hope you think about yourself and really think things over before you make a decision about anything permenant or financially with someone like him.


👍👏

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,944
Registered: ‎05-24-2016

Re: Buying a house with a significant other?


@hennypenny wrote:

Never mix business with pleasure. Let him buy his own house with his own money.

Keep your mother's house in your family as sole and seperate property.

Anything that is not in writing, is folly.

Be very very careful.

Don't let "love" get in your way and cloud your judgement.


👍👏