Community Chat

[NycVixen]

I know the type of guy she was dating because I go to school with them. Very entitled. I'm glad I'm married. A few sent me anonymous invites to connect on a dating site only for people in certain schools. I'm not sure if they knew I was married but I wear my ring set every day. 

As a millenial, this is the new normal. It will be difficult to find a mate in this hook up type of environment. My advice would be for your granddaughter to remain friends with the young men she may be interested in for some time before she begins dating them. That is what I did; I met my husband at school. But I became his friend first for a while so I can get to know him. 

In other words, she shouldn't get to know them when she is dating them. She should just let things happen naturally. It doesn't matter if the person goes to an ivy league school for the most part. I began in community college and I don't think I'm a better person now.

The key is to focus on being with someone who is intelligent but more importantly someone who is kind. It's hard to hide unkindness for a long time. I agree she should focus on her studies. That is what I did and the right guy eventually came along.

As women, we focus too much on our relationships. She should be her priority and soon enough someone she has gotten to know as a friend might be the one. By that time she will have a good sense if he's a good person, if he is intelligent etc. and the transition will be seamless. He will already have feelings and vice versa and the relationship won't be based merely on looks, schools etc.

[Shorty2U]

Thank you for the replies,  and you all have great advice and wisdom. Last I heard she fell asleep after watching a movie in her room. I'm sure she will be ok. (I was thinking to myself some men. ugh! Yes I know women do this too to men. But people should be more considerate and not cheat, but it happens a lot). I know she will be ok given some time. Well thank you again.

[Big Sister]

Yes, give her space and time.

I was engaged to my first love and he "dumped" me for a former girl friend.  My heart was broken and shredded.  You never forget your first love, but what I know now is that it was not meant to be 'cause he was not good enough for me and he did me a favor.  Our marriage would have ended in divorce and I would never have met the wonderful man whom I eventually married.

I think the thing that helped me the most was talking to a young lady who went through what I was going through, and she said that "it will get better with time and I will be alright."

[Lindsays Grandma]

In her post, SunValley mentioned your granddaughter has self worth, she sure does.  How did she get that self worth...perhaps her mother and certainly you taught her that.  When I divorced my abusive husband many years ago friends and family told me my self worth gave me the courage to end the marriage.  I pray that every young girl while growing up has that instilled in her.  Be proud, stand tall, and never allow anyone to mistreat you, you are worthy of better things.

I have many conversations with Lindsay and the main one is what to look for when meeting boys and/or men.  Sadly her father is the worst role model a child can have and she is aware of it.  Anyway, Shorty2U, you must be very proud of your granddaughter and I know you feel her pain.  All of us here know she will get over it, life goes on and she will meet someone else down the road, but telling her that isn't going to work as I am sure you know.  Hugs and love to you and your family.

[qualitygal]

We all went through those growing up.  It rains and the sun comes back out. In those relationships, best not to get involved, before you know it, they'll be back together (or not) and you'll be glad you were there to just listen. Remember?

[jubilant]

Yes, I can relate.  I remember well my first heartbreak.  I remember watching my son after his first heartbreak.  That also broke my heart.

When I heard that this guy said, "oh, come on, it only happened once"....... that told me a ton about his character.  He lacks the things that she will need the most in a marriage.....like honesty, compassion, loyalty, kindness......all the things other posters have mentioned here.  He would have been the father of her children.  How could he ever instill in them something he hasn't got himself. How could someone who lacks these things make anyone happy.  She is wise to let him go.  While she is having a lot of heartache now, it wouldn't compare to what she would have in the future with this guy. Heartaches by the numbers...troubles by the score.  She is fortunate to have found it out now.  Someone up there is looking out for her.

[VaBelle35]

{{Hugs to your granddaughter}}

I am surprised that they were so involved with each other's families after only a few months of dating.  

Hopefully everyone will not make it harder on her by making her repeat the drama and trying to get answers.

I imagine she doesn't want to talk to people because she doesn't want to talk about it as it's painful and being cheated on comes with a whole host of feelings that have to be sorted through.

[alicedee]

Seems like everyone is really into her private life....but since they were so involved in each other's families, I guess that's why.  They were dating, not married or even engaged.  The whole purpose of dating is to learn about each other....if he was attracted to another person, now was the best time for both of them to realize that and deal with the repercussions...not after an engagement or marriage.  

Im sorry she is hurting...but give her space...maybe she doesn't want everyone talking about her and her situation.    She knows you all love her....if she wants to talk let her approach you.  

[AngelPuppy1]

Yes, it's hard to see someone you love feeling sad and upset.  She feels like her world is torn apart and I am sure has some feelings of self-doubt, etc.  It's part of the growing up thing, unfortunately!

I think the best thing for her and everyone else is to not dwell on it or act like it's the most horrible thing to ever happen.  The relationship was not long.  Not to say that she didn't care for him, but they were not in a long-term relationship or engaged.

I would tell her given the chance ----- I am sorry that this happened to you, but he obviously did have the kind of feelings for you that he should have had.  If he did, he wouldn't have done what he did -- he wouldn't have cheated on you, lied to you and hurt you!  He was not the right guy for you.  This happened for a reason.  It will give you wisdom and the ability to deal with these things better in the future.  Never settle --- and never allow anyone to treat you badly.  Value yourself and be true to yourself.  

She is young and has plenty of time.  Enjoy the ride!  Enjoy this time as it will never come again.  

Enjoy dating, enjoy going out with friends.  Study and do well.  Love your family and those that love you.  

[prisrob]

It is Ivy League not Ivy Leaf.