Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,320
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

My sister went in to assisted living about a month ago and she hates it.  She is in early 60s and has MS and had a stroke but it did not leave any bad effects.  Her mind is good and she is very mobile. Her children put her in Assisted living.  According to her there is not really any assistance. She can go to dining room to eat but she says the smell of the older people in diapers and the food smell makes her sick. It is a new nice place and the cost is unbelievable.  She is afraid to do anything because they will charge extra. I think maybe she is just to young and not disabled enough to be there but it is not my call.  My heart just breaks because she feels like a trapped animal.  She says for what they charge there is really not much quality of care.  I know this is just one place but I did have a neighbor tell me the same thing about her mothers AC facility and she was moving her. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,079
Registered: ‎01-10-2013


I am sad to read your post. I hope conditions improve for your sister. I will keep her in my thoughts and prayers.


Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,845
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I guess it all depends on the facility.


Our GM (mid 90's) was in an assisted living facility and she had a small 2 room apt. with small kitchen.


They would even bring her meals to her apt. if she chose, for an extra cost I'm sure.


She didn't have to eat in the dining room or socialize with the other residents unless she wanted to.


Maybe your sister's kids could check around for a facility with a setup like that, where she'd be happier.


It's sad that she has to be so miserable at this stage of her life.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,904
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I took care of my uncle for many years.  He went downhill so much that we put him in assisted living too.  Over those first few months, her got a little better but he was bored to tears there.  No one wanted to have conversations or talk about anything other than their pain and illnesses.  We moved him to independent living and he blossomed.  He still had some support and meals but was around people who wanted to talk and have fun.  He thrived there and stayed until he passed.


Do you think your sister needs independent living instead of assisted living?  Does the place where she is offer different levels that she could move to independent?   It might be worth checking.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,155
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I'm also sad o read your post.  I just turned 64 and couldn't begin to imagine living in one.  I went looking at assisted living places for my 91 year old mother a few years ago.


They can be depressing.  When we looked (mom came with me) we found a lot of residents just sitting in wheelchairs in the lobby or social room not doing much.  My mother felt they were a bunch of old people and she didn't want t live with that environment.  Yet she was probably older than many of them.


Your sister is very young to be living in one but maybe her children feel that because of her MS they could help her there.  Of course it depends on how severe her MS is and what she can do for herself.  Perhaps independent living with some assistance instead would be a better fit?  Usually the apartments or rooms are more spacious and there are more activities going on than at assisted living.  Independent living is less expensive too.


I wish her the best!  Hopefully her children haven't just parked her there thinking this is the best for mom when it's really the best for them!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,860
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Sometimes the best intentions of children work out poorly.

The post make me very sad also.

Hopefully she can break out of there and find a different solution.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,244
Registered: ‎10-04-2010

Talk to the kids of hers who put her there.  You can always move her.  Maybe this one is not a fit.  At her age, I'd sure check further.  Who has her power of atty.?  There are places that send out helpers to keep family members in their own homes.  I'd check on that too.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,690
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Assisted Living

[ Edited ]

@chiclet- did your sister’s children have legal authority to place her?

I am presently one of two adults who are mutually responsible for a 90 year old who was living in a dangerous situation.

Our relative was relatively clear mentally before an incident regarding a misprescibed medication, and is now extremely anxious and certainly less able to handle personal affairs.

After a month in the best assisted living we have found, we are all still unsure that this is best, but for various reasons, our relative cannot be made safe in the family home.

The question of “legal authority” would seem to be a concern with your sister’s care. Is that so?

@haddon9-that is EXACTLY my concern. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,476
Registered: ‎03-27-2010

"Her mind is good and she is mobile"....why is she in assisted living?  She is young and apparently capable of taking care of herself.  Who decided that she should be in assisted living?  Where was she living before?  Why doesn't she leave?  Too many unanswered questions to have an opinion.


Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Perhaps all she needs is ,someone to come in and give her a hand, with things she can't manage by herself


i think most people prefer their own  space, and  people to help, as long as they can manage


Food  can be ordered , or meal delivery arranged. Maybe someone to vacuum ,and change the beds, and  help with heavy duty things is all she needs.