Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

If I am going to spend my money, and use my time ...my golly I want to know what they would love. Not what they would like, what they would LOVE!!! I am older now and if I get invited to a wedding it is someone I know well, family, or my extended "grandkids". I take pride in what I get, and I spent a lot, because I just think of how broke I was when I got married, and how much it meant to get something I truly loved. So, I do not mind if They let me know what they really want. i wouldn't want to be ordered to get a certain item. But if they have a list and itemize what they want, I am game.

If a bride and groom has a wedding list, with money for honeymoon or home included, why buy them something you want to give, but they don't like or need? I want my money to be spent on something they will love and use

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

Of course we want to give something they will like, but they should wait to be asked. By giving a list of wants without being asked is blatantly telling guests a gift is required and what gifts are acceptable. It's presumptuous.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Miss Shelly wrote:
@mercyMe wrote:
Now I've heard everything! A Waterford gift would not be appreciated~? If that is the case, then this person is an ungrateful human being.

(And anyone who wants to give 'me' a free John Deere tractor, my DH would give you a kiss!)

Not everyone wants or needs waterford crystal. In fact, I myself wouldn't want it. If you would spend the money for a gift the couple wouldn't enjoy, why wouldn't you just buy something from the registry they would appreciate instead? Having different tastes, etc. doesn't mean they are ungrateful.

I agree.

I happen to love crystal. I have a lot of it, and much is Waterford, and I would welcome more. However, a gift is supposed to be what the recipient would like, not the giver. I would never give crystal to anyone and assume they would love it or even want it.

Years ago, my cousin got married and registered for china, so I went to Bloomingdale's thinking I would buy some for her. When I saw the pattern, I thought it was awful. Super-busy, just not my taste at all. I couldn't imagine anyone choosing that pattern. But she did, and so I bought it for her. I didn't like it, but I didn't have to like it because it wasn't about me or my lifestyle or my preferences.

You're exactly right - Having different tastes has nothing to do with being ungrateful. I don't force my taste on anyone. That's not what gift-giving is about.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Beccaboone2 wrote:
Technology and the passage of time itself has changed virtually every single thing in our world, including gift giving and registries. I've always thought the purpose of gift giving is to give something to make the other person happy - who decides that best other than the person(s) receiving the gifts? All this talk about not wanting to fund the honeymoon, or new house, or whatever - how do you know what people do with money they recieve for gifts if they have nothing specific mentioned? You don't, yet money is often given anyway. I really don't see the difference other than if something specific is mentioned, you know what the money is being spent on. Again, the purpose of giving a gift is to make the receiver happy. Just leave it at that.

I am a solidly middle-aged woman, and I have come to the point when I hear others go on and on about entitlement of the young generation,etc. I feel I must speak up. I live in a retirement area where the sense of entitlement you speak of is so pervasive, so obnoxious - I have never lived anywhere else that has been like this (I have lived all over the U.S.). I ask myself all the time if it is THIS particular area, or is it a sign of the times? Is it like this in other parts of the country? So I ask others elsewhere. I have sort of concluded that much of it IS this particular area in which I currently live, with a bit of it being the times we live. The demographic here is decidely 65+ by a large majority, and the sense of entitlement and "me, me, me" attitude is so in your face, obnoxious - these senior aged people demonstrate much, much more of that than I have EVER seen from someone younger. It's not just me, either - it's such a common issue here for anyone who works or lives in this area. Everyone I know has stories that just make me shake my head. I personally feel that the younger generation gets bashed unfairly and painted negatively with a broad brush that is undeserved.

I agree! So much! Great post. :-)

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
Of course we want to give something they will like, but they should wait to be asked. By giving a list of wants without being asked is blatantly telling guests a gift is required and what gifts are acceptable. It's presumptuous.

I disagree. They're not saying a gift is required or that only certain gifts are acceptable. They're offering suggestions, that's all. I have no problem with that. I'm free to give them something on their list or something not on their list or nothing at all. I would rather give them something I know they really want, but that's my choice, not something that's mandated. They know that and I know that. It's intended to be helpful, and a lot of guests really appreciate some kind of guidance. If you don't see it that way, you can just ignore whatever suggestions they offer. It's really not that big a deal.

shoekitty · ‎03-10-2010

Wedding registries are the greatest device ever! I love the fact the fact I am not going to spend my time researching what they might like, then shopping for it ...only to find four other people bought the same thing.! In the old days protocol was so strict and stuffy, you literally had to keep the the one your great aunt sue gave you, even if the other one you got was a million times better. We actually didn't tell people we got four of the same. We had to write thank you notes acknowledging each gift as a sole gift of delight. Then sneak a couple back for exchanges if the were identical. If they weren't identical, then you had trouble.. I knew friends who had to keep 5 of the same waffle or toasters they got, because they were afraid their relatives would find out they exchanged it. Some gift givers are like that. I dont want to give anyone doubles, unless they need it.

One time I noticed a kitchen-aid mixer on a list. The young bride was a famous baker. She never had one. I had to get it. But I talked to her mom because I had BBB coupons and on a mixer, I would save 80 bucks. But I was afraid someone would get it off her other registry. She didn't have a BBB registry. Her mom said, I can tell you for a fact no one I know is buying her that Kitchen aid. I think she just put it on her list as a dream gift. Then her mom said, it will be a dream. Anyway, it worked out and I saved money.

Financialgrl · ‎03-13-2010

Yep, my niece got married 2 weeks ago. She had a registry at BB&Beyond. In order for my sister in law and I to select and be able to take our gifts to her bridal shower - we had to find someone to edit the database in order for us to have the gifts sent to our homes, otherwise it's set up to be mailed to them automatically. On the BB&B site, it didn't say who bought what but it does show all gifts, broken down by what's been purchased and what was left to select so the only surprise is who sent what!

As a matter of fact, the gift table at her reception was a tiny round table - 2 gifts and a card box that had 5 cards - all others had been sent to her house beforehand . The venue's wedding planner said most weddings today are like that - very few gifts/cards at weddings.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@Beccaboone2 wrote:
Technology and the passage of time itself has changed virtually every single thing in our world, including gift giving and registries. I've always thought the purpose of gift giving is to give something to make the other person happy - who decides that best other than the person(s) receiving the gifts? All this talk about not wanting to fund the honeymoon, or new house, or whatever - how do you know what people do with money they recieve for gifts if they have nothing specific mentioned? You don't, yet money is often given anyway. I really don't see the difference other than if something specific is mentioned, you know what the money is being spent on. Again, the purpose of giving a gift is to make the receiver happy. Just leave it at that.

I am a solidly middle-aged woman, and I have come to the point when I hear others go on and on about entitlement of the young generation,etc. I feel I must speak up. I live in a retirement area where the sense of entitlement you speak of is so pervasive, so obnoxious - I have never lived anywhere else that has been like this (I have lived all over the U.S.). I ask myself all the time if it is THIS particular area, or is it a sign of the times? Is it like this in other parts of the country? So I ask others elsewhere. I have sort of concluded that much of it IS this particular area in which I currently live, with a bit of it being the times we live. The demographic here is decidely 65+ by a large majority, and the sense of entitlement and "me, me, me" attitude is so in your face, obnoxious - these senior aged people demonstrate much, much more of that than I have EVER seen from someone younger. It's not just me, either - it's such a common issue here for anyone who works or lives in this area. Everyone I know has stories that just make me shake my head. I personally feel that the younger generation gets bashed unfairly and painted negatively with a broad brush that is undeserved.

@Beccaboone2, would you do me (and some others) a big favor and post this next time there is a thread or subthread about "What's the Matter with Kids Today?" :-)

Seriously, you nailed it.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland