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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,020
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

If they can afford to quit their jobs, implying they have enough money to finance a year without working....I would not want to contribute money if they expect others to subsidize their lack of salary
Regular Contributor
Posts: 202
Registered: ‎03-28-2011

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience


@lovesrecess wrote:
If they can afford to quit their jobs, implying they have enough money to finance a year without working....I would not want to contribute money if they expect others to subsidize their lack of salary

 

I don't get this attitude at all.   The younger generation doesn't covet material goods as much as their elders do.  They are more about experiences and living life now as you may not get a tomorrow.  My own daughers, ages 31 and 26, live this way and I fully support their choices.  They have experienced so much more than I ever will and have traveled the globe.  

 

If a guest usually gives a gift to the couple for a certain about of $, why wouldn't the guest just give the $ they were going to spend directly to the "fund" of the couples choice?  It is not your life so why do you care if they would rather travel for a year before being encumbered with mortgages, children, etc.?   It seems selfish of the guest/giver to me

 

 

 

Regular Contributor
Posts: 202
Registered: ‎03-28-2011

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience


@Beccaboone2 wrote:

 

I am a solidly middle-aged woman, and I have come to the point when I hear others go on and on about entitlement of the young generation,etc. I feel I must speak up.  I live in a retirement area where the sense of entitlement you speak of is so pervasive, so obnoxious - I have never lived anywhere else that has been like this (I have lived all over the U.S.).  I ask myself all the time if it is THIS particular area, or is it a sign of the times? Is it like this in other parts of the country?  So I ask others elsewhere.  I have sort of concluded that much of it IS this particular area in which I currently live, with a bit of it being the times we live.  The demographic here is decidely 65+ by a large majority, and the sense of entitlement and "me, me, me" attitude is so in your face, obnoxious - these senior aged people demonstrate much, much more of that than I have EVER seen from someone younger.  It's not just me, either - it's such a common issue here for anyone who works or lives in this area.  Everyone I know has stories that just make me shake my head. I personally feel that the younger generation gets bashed unfairly and painted negatively with a broad brush that is undeserved.  

 

 

 

We must live in the same area and/or the attitude is the same.  I was brought up to respect my elders and also taught this to my children.  However, the expectation of entitlement from the "greatest generation" gets tiring when you deal with it on a a daily basis.


 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,386
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

The grown up son of a dear friend--I don't know him too well, though I have met him a few times, most memorably when he was a cute little guy of 3 with a mop of blonde hair---is getting married, and I sent a gift to his fiancee and him through "the Knot."  I think I reported on this a bit earlier this summer.

 

They had asked that people not send gifts, just attend the ceremony---but that if they did wish to do a gift, that money would be welcome as they are marrying in two different hemispheres--ceremonies for both families. So I sent a generous gift--and expected nada, partly from reading threads on this topic here. 

 

Within a month, though, quite recently, I received a lovely email from his bride to be, hoping we could meet sometime and thanking me.  

 

I wouldn't really have minded not hearing back, as I really did this in honor of my friendship with the groom's mother and I know they are shuttling across the globe right now meeting both families. 

 

But it did warm my heart to get her email.  Some of the millennials do give thank yous appropriately and warmly. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,109
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience


@Miss Shelly wrote:

@lovesrecess wrote:
If they can afford to quit their jobs, implying they have enough money to finance a year without working....I would not want to contribute money if they expect others to subsidize their lack of salary

 

I don't get this attitude at all.   The younger generation doesn't covet material goods as much as their elders do.  They are more about experiences and living life now as you may not get a tomorrow.  My own daughers, ages 31 and 26, live this way and I fully support their choices.  They have experienced so much more than I ever will and have traveled the globe.  

 

If a guest usually gives a gift to the couple for a certain about of $, why wouldn't the guest just give the $ they were going to spend directly to the "fund" of the couples choice?  It is not your life so why do you care if they would rather travel for a year before being encumbered with mortgages, children, etc.?   It seems selfish of the guest/giver to me

 

 

 


I'm with you 100%.  There are materialistic people in every generation, but I agree that younger people are absolutely not necessarily more materialistic than older ones.  That's a very big generalization, and undeserved.  My children work hard, live well, have traveled and experienced life far more than I ever did at their age, and are not as interested in having expensive things as much as many people I know who are my age and older.

 

And yes, I don't understand the judgment about what couples do with money (or anything) that's being given as a gift.  Everyone has their own opinion about what newly-married couples should do (Buy a house right away!  No, don't do that - Rent for awhile until you can afford your dream home.  Travel now while you can before you have children!  No, don't do that - Invest your money and travel later.  Have a big wedding so all of your family and friends can be there!  No, don't do that - The planning is too stressful.)  And on and on it goes when the reality is that only each couple can - and should - decide what's right for them.

 

When I give a gift, I want the couple to like it.  And when I give a monetary gift, I want them to use it for something that will make them happy.  I don't get to decide what that is, and I don't get to judge if they've used it wisely.  It's a gift to them and for them, and being all judgmental about it is not in the spirit of giving at all.

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,109
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience


@Burnsite wrote:

The grown up son of a dear friend--I don't know him too well, though I have met him a few times, most memorably when he was a cute little guy of 3 with a mop of blonde hair---is getting married, and I sent a gift to his fiancee and him through "the Knot."  I think I reported on this a bit earlier this summer.

 

They had asked that people not send gifts, just attend the ceremony---but that if they did wish to do a gift, that money would be welcome as they are marrying in two different hemispheres--ceremonies for both families. So I sent a generous gift--and expected nada, partly from reading threads on this topic here. 

 

Within a month, though, quite recently, I received a lovely email from his bride to be, hoping we could meet sometime and thanking me.  

 

I wouldn't really have minded not hearing back, as I really did this in honor of my friendship with the groom's mother and I know they are shuttling across the globe right now meeting both families. 

 

But it did warm my heart to get her email.  Some of the millennials do give thank yous appropriately and warmly. 


 

 

Absolutely.  I attend a lot of weddings and other occasions, and I send baby gifts, etc.  I have never not received a thank-you note.  (Other than once, approximately 3 years ago, when I got a very sweet, long thank-you email.)

 

The "younger generation" is doing just fine in this area.  Timely and gracious thank-you notes are not a thing of the past.

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,000
Registered: ‎02-14-2017

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Honestly, now that I handle the bulk of my normal correspondence electronically, I really don’t mind a thoughtful email instead of a handwritten note. I pile my paper mail in a basket in my foyer and only flip through it when it fills up. I check my emails daily.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,814
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience

Yes, you usually can find a box that says do not revel who purchased the gift.  When spending large amounts of money it is nice to know that the recipients have gotten the gift and know who purchased it.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,109
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Another Wedding Gift Experience


@RollTideRoll2008 wrote:
Honestly, now that I handle the bulk of my normal correspondence electronically, I really don’t mind a thoughtful email instead of a handwritten note. I pile my paper mail in a basket in my foyer and only flip through it when it fills up. I check my emails daily.

 

I don't mind emails either.  If someone has taken the time to thank me, I appreciate that no matter how they do it.