Community Chat

[beach-mom]

I need help tonight if possible. DD and I disagree on this!

She has been in a lot of weddings and has two more coming up in late fall. This weekend she is invited to the wedding of a co-worker at her part time job (two Saturdays a month, she's been working there since high school). The bride is the owner's granddaughter. 

DD did go to the co-ed shower, but did not attend the bachelorette party. This girl is younger, and they don't socialize outside of the work group. The couple has been living together four years. 

DD wants to give them $100 in cash. She got them a gift for their shower from their registry, but there wasn't much left to choose from after that. I think that's too much. I told her I would give $50-75. I think $100 is OK when the bride or groom is a close friend. She tells me I don't get it. She says you have to "pay for your plate." I think that's ridiculous. You should give what you want.

This will be a fancy affair as her parents and grandparents are pretty well off and spared no expense. She is actually worried that $100 is not enough!

I could be out of the loop when it comes to things like this. For the weddings she's been in, and DH and I have attended, I have given either a nice gift from their registry or $100 from the two of us. But these are her close friends. 

She has a bachelorette party coming up next month in Las Vegas that is going to cost $1000, without air fare. I don't know where these kids think they can get the money. 

Am I really behind the times in my thinking about this? Maybe I am. I'm sorry to be so detailed, but I appreciate your help! 

[Anonymous032819]

Is it her money?

Is she buying the gift card?

If she is buying the gift card with her own money, then sorry Mom, you have no say.

She can choose to spend HER money however she see fits.

Now, if the money is coming from you, then you can set the limit.

Otherwise, no.

[alicedee]

I tend to agree with you, @beach-mom .  If I attend the wedding and reception, I give $50.  If I don’t attend, I give $25 to a casual friend, $50 to a close friend or relative.  I’m on a fixed income....that’s what I can afford.

But...if your daughter can afford $100 and wants to gift that amount...it’s her choice.  

Gifting should always be within your means.

edited to say....I make an exception with my children and grandchildren.  H.S. and college graduations and weddings I give $100.

[sunshine45]

i dont believe in the "pay your plate" cash gift. i do believe in paying what you can afford to give, but SHE has to decide what that affordable amount is.

i generally give $100 as a wedding gift for those i am friendly with. family and very close friends get more than that usually.  it is pretty rare that i give less than that.

[september]

I think your daughter is right.   $100.  

[Nuttmeg]

I.would give what I could afford. I hope the bride will send out a thank you note or text, something.

[Goldengate8361]

How about no cash! Weddings are such a racket. There is NO way she should give $100 or even $50. 

[GCR18]

$100 is too much IMO.

[kitcat51]

Your daughter is spot on...$100.00 is the perfect amount.

[shoekitty]

I think 100 is generous and a nice gift.  My daughters who are 52 think 50-75 is good depending.  My granddaughters give 40-50 for a giftfor weddings the attend.  My one grandaughter tends to be the bridesmaid at all weddings and they have mostly been out of state.  In that case she thinks 40 is a lot.  So it depends on your economics and relationship.

i have been at a lot of weddings, even those the bride mever wrote thank you notes. I have been there when they opened gifts and I think thy are genuinely thankful and appreciative of all gifts.  Of course to those elaborate gifts there is a gasp of surprise, but thy are glad fori the gifts. Whether they like them or not.  The return what they dont need and get something they need.  Thats a good thing.  I hae waste