Stay in Touch
Get sneak previews of special offers & upcoming events delivered to your inbox.
Sign in
10-26-2020 03:09 AM - edited 10-27-2020 01:31 AM
1. A couple sitting in the living room sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, "I love you." "Is that you or the wine talking?" her husband asks. "It's me, says the wife, talking to the wine."
2. Why did the chicken cross the road? CIA: give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out."
3. A lawyer sent a note to a client. "Dear Jim": I saw you on the street the other day, crossed over to say hello, but it wasn't you, so I went back. One tenth of an hour: $25.00.
4. A drill sergeant chewed out one of his cadets. Then he smiled coyly and said, "I guess when I die you'll dance on my grave." The cadet shook his head..."Not me sarge, I promised myself that when I get out of the Army, I'd never stand in another line."
5. A woman is on trial for beating up her unfaithful rock star husband with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, "First offense?" "No, she says. "First a Gibson, than a Fender."
6. A mathematician wanders home at 3:00 A.M. and his irate wife yells, "You're late!" "You said you'd be home by 11:15." "Actually, the mathematician replied, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."
7. A woman walks into a doctor's office with both ears burned. "What happened?" asks the doctor. "While I was ironing my blouse, the phone rang and I picked up the iron instead of the phone" she replied. "That explains one ear, but what about the other?" he asked. "The jerk called again." said the woman.
8. I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
9. Louie was shipwrecked and lived alone on a desert island for years until he was finally rescued. Before leaving the island, he gave the rescue party a tour. "I built myself a house. That's it there." "Here's the barn, and over there is the church I worshipped in," he said. "What's that building over there?" one of the rescuer's asked. Louie sneered, "That's the church I used to belong to."
10. A psychologist congratulated his patient on making good progress but the patient wasn't buying it. "You call this progress.?" he snapped. "Six months ago I was Napoleon. Now I'm nobody."
11. X-ercise. The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it." Joan Rivers
12. "Take magazines you've already read to your doctos's office. Don't tear off the mailing label. Because if someone wants to contact me, that would be nice."
13. Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birthday of Santa. Bart Simpson
14. Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply sentimental time that each of us observes, in his own way, of going to the mall of his choice. Dave Barry
To Be Continued
Reader's Digest
10-26-2020 03:36 AM
@Desertdi ...When I saw I had a notification from you, my first thought was, "There she is, right on time." How are things in your neck of the woods?
10-26-2020 03:51 AM
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:@Desertdi ...When I saw I had a notification from you, my first thought was, "There she is, right on time." How are things in your neck of the woods?
Hi @Lindsays Grandma Great to hear from you! Well, now that you asked.....my bones are making that "cracking noise" from the change in weather.....can't sneak up on anybody! I hope you are doing better with the sciatica....and those "other things". di
10-26-2020 05:45 AM
Always look forward to your posts in the morning. I love the Joan Rivers one number 11 🤣🤣 🙏❤️☕️
10-26-2020 10:46 AM
#s 4, 10 +11 kill me. Hysterically funny. Thanks, as always for the laughs.
10-26-2020 01:32 PM - edited 10-26-2020 07:17 PM
@godi That one gave me a serious case of the giggles also! Leave it to Joan.😂😂😂😂
~~~All we need is LOVE💖
10-27-2020 12:09 AM
@Desertdi wrote:
@Lindsays Grandma wrote:@Desertdi ...When I saw I had a notification from you, my first thought was, "There she is, right on time." How are things in your neck of the woods?
Hi @Lindsays Grandma Great to hear from you! Well, now that you asked.....my bones are making that "cracking noise" from the change in weather.....can't sneak up on anybody! I hope you are doing better with the sciatica....and those "other things". di
@Desertdi ...Sorry to hear your bones don't like the cooler weather, and as for those "other things" it's called "family." And as for the sciatica, it has become part of my life which I didn't invite and refuses to leave.
Get sneak previews of special offers & upcoming events delivered to your inbox.
*You're signing up to receive QVC promotional email.
Find recent orders, do a return or exchange, create a Wish List & more.
Privacy StatementGeneral Terms of Use
QVC is not responsible for the availability, content, security, policies, or practices of the above referenced third-party linked sites nor liable for statements, claims, opinions, or representations contained therein. QVC's Privacy Statement does not apply to these third-party web sites.
© 1995-2024 QVC, Inc. All rights reserved. | QVC, Q and the Q logo are registered service marks of ER Marks, Inc. 888-345-5788