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11-18-2016 11:05 AM - edited 11-18-2016 11:10 AM
I apologize if someone's name isn't mentioned or is misspelled.
I wanted to tell Possum about moving things that were your husbands and yours for years and my feelin gs about that process---maybe take photos and write down your feelings about everything you see in that frame. You might have a fresh perspective and see how it brings you what you need. Above all, do what you feel brings you comfort, security and joy.. Sometimes others judge how a person is "moving on" by what they see, which is about them, not you.
I wish snappy continued joy with your growing family and I hope you can get together with your friend for lunch or a chat.
I wanted to share with@birdmama the excitement when my husband and I saw a pileated woodpecker while walking one crisp morning in freshly fallen snow in a national park. We heard a noise and looked up and were thrilled. So large. We saw many tracks that beautiful day too
OK, shoot, now I'm having a hard time writing/focusing so I will come back.
I'm sorry, you've all been so kind, you warm my heart and have helped in ways you may never know.
I'm declining and the scary part is this week I had two nights when I spoke for hours with my sons and reminisced. It happened naturally and we laughed and cried but I felt a bit frightened. I feel so much is leaving me and I'm sharing memories not only to bring laughter, but I think I might be closer to exhaling. I don't know what to do.Pray yes, but i need more time, you know I know there is no way to know yet... just panic and whining. I remember my father reminisced and shortly after passed.
I want to tell you I have long, snow white hair with a dark streak from my widows peak ( "widows peak" ;'( ) it's about 32" long I wear in one kind of braid or another---part of that mother earth dream--check. I can hear chimes and the beautiful sounds in nature that surround us wherever we are. I've had an interesting and joy-filled life and I have loved and feel loved. what more can I really need or want.?
Please oh please take care of yourselves as if you are precious jewels--- you are. You shine, share your light, love and your spirits and you all have a Joie de vivre.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! is it wrong to say Ive grown to enjoy, respect, admire and luv you.
continue to see the beauty in life and within each other...
((((((((Hugs to you))))))))
back to say I didn't want to begin to communicate the above here or anywhere...I have no reason to complain and if Im having problems this is not the place to share. ther ismore good and light than not. bye ♥
11-18-2016 01:47 PM
There is nothing wrong with communicating your journey through life. Not one of us will avoid that particular stretch of the road that you have begun to walk.
If you are concerned about upsetting any of the posters, feel free to talk to me on the Monthly Back Fence thread.
I am all about communication and I think it is healthy to discuss what you are thinking about. At the risk of coming across too bold for most people, sweet Karuna, you are not gone yet :-)
Your thoughts and emotions are as valid now as they were 20 years ago.
I'm so glad you were able to talk and walk down memory lane with your sons. I imagine that it must be frightening, however this is exactly why I admire your grace during all of this. You are afraid, yet you are giving your children precious memories to cling to.
Can you speak with your hospice nurses and ask for something like Xanax? I can tell you that Xanax relaxes you a little without zonking you out into an unconscious state.
Your long white hair is beautiful. I've never met you but I swear I can see you in my mind's eye right now. You are loved and did a good job in this life. You are a good woman, good wife and good mother.
Karuna, you add light to this world and when the time comes, the heavens will be that much brighter when you enter the gates.
11-18-2016 03:19 PM
Darling karuna, oh my heart was jumping with joy to see your name here. You are with us and making wonderful memories for your sons and helping them start the grief walk.
Thank you for telling us about your long white hair in a beautiful braid. For some reason I pictured you has having short curly hair. In fact I almost asked you so I could "see" you better. I also imagine you are tall and have blue eyes.
Please don't feel you need to censor what you say here. We want to know the real you and enter in as best we can with your journey, offering love and friendship and empathy.
We will all walk where you are now one day. Unless Jesus comes again for His own, it will be my turn sooner than I imagine since I'm 82, but I live one day at a time wanting to do His will and let my light shine for Him. He is my Savior and He loves you more than anyone ever has or could.
Your little babies are due very soon now. I'm so glad you saw their faces in the ultra sounds. What a gift that was. My GS's fiancee is pregnant so I'll be a great grandma next summer, if all goes well.
I imagine it's hard for you to use your computer, so your messages to us are all the more precious and we treasure every word you say and love you so much and always will.
You are in my prayers constantly as I breathe your name to my Lord.
11-18-2016 04:23 PM
Hi Karuna, I'm so glad to read your post and thank you for your wise suggestions about my being able to move on. I wish I had some of your foresight and courageous confidence. Your sons are so blessed to have you as their mom. I know they will treasure your wonderful reminiscences as I have some wonderful memories of my parents and some just make me smile, thinking about them, the blessings of a wonderful past time.
I'm glad to know your beautiful hair is the same color as mine, though mine is short and naturally curly. I have green eyes, now, though they were brownish in my younger years. I found out recently that green eyes are the only ones that can change color. Mine do look blue at times. It's very confusing. The first time someone ever mentioned my "blue" eyes was after Charlie died, Our church was having photo of us taken to make a church directory. The photographer said something about my blue eyes and I told her they were brown. She looked at them and said no, they are blue. I came home and checked, and noticed my 'brown' eyes were not brown, but green with a bit of light brown near the pupil. That brown has kind of gone away and they are mostly green, Well, I sure got off on a tangent there. Not unusual for me, sorry.
My brothers helped me get some much needed yard cleaning and tree trimming done on Wednesday. I can't do it on my own anymore and find that house, mine and Charlie's, is getting to be a bigger burden than I can manage. I'm starting to think about selling it. The problem is all the contents, including a gorgeous bedroom set that we bought after the house fire. It's like new. I'd have a problem parting with it. I guess storage is an option. I know both kids would like to have it, but how do I chose? There are many other pieces there too. Kids now days have their own tastes and preferences and I know many of the things I treasure or care about, would mean nothing to them and would not fit into their life style. Lots of thinking and decisions. Wish I had your decision making skills.
This is getting to be novel sized, so I'll close by saying take care, try not to worry as God is holding you so close to Himself. He does hear our prayers and answers them too. Some of mine are for you to hold those precious grandbabies in your arms and cuddle and coo to them.
Have a peaceful weekend and know that you are a very dear and valued friend to me and our friends here.. Gentle hugs and love, Possum.
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