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Honored Contributor
Posts: 115,990
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 115,990
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Veterans Day Pictures for Facebook | Veterans Day Online Resources | O'Block Books Educational Materials ...:

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 127
Registered: ‎08-31-2014

Re: widows thread

[ Edited ]

@Bobbiesue @possummink @snappyfrappy @10grands @Silkeej, @Bird mama @goldensrbest @Jamma @MsLomo

 

Please accept my apology if I have left off anyone who has not been mentioned above.  

 

You are all important to me and I have found a kinship, not only with our understanding of loss, but I've found some common interests with you.

 

My strong, kind, caring, compassionate, intelligent, loving, funny husband died several months ago from a sudden cardiac arrest.  He was currently teaching law, after a long career as a lawyer.  

 

We have two sons, one a physician and one a computer engineer who is also attending school to get his law degree.  They both are married, have kind, intelligent wives and are both expecting their first child this December.  The projection is both will be born within 1 week of the other!  :-)  One baby girl and one boy.  I've seen the ultra HD ultrasounds and I could see their beautiful faces.  What a thrill.  It will be a beauty-filled and joy-filled event, and they will be loving, compassionate, devoted parents.  

 

I want to thank all of you for offering me a soft place to fall when I've been down and struggling.  Offering me support, understanding, encouragement and love.

 

I've been entering a new phase of my health, and with the extraordinary life I'd had, I should be more accepting of the changes. I don't want to die just yet.  But,  I agreed it was time to enter in-home hospice care.  After falling and breaking my humerus -shoulder- and seeing neuro changes.  I'm healing slowly and that's the normal course.  I will have PT and OT if I'm able.  I'm using that arm and accepting the pain more easily because it isn't as intense---only when I lift my arm ;p

 

The metastatic brain tumors are leaving me no choice other than accept my life is ending soon.  The pain in my head is constant and heavy.

 

I feel deep guilt and sadness for my sons.  They are heartbroken and stressed from their lives pulling them in many directions.  They are trying to cope with their father's death, as he had been caring for me.  Sadly, they will have to somehow find their way to accept the joy of being parents and the death of their mom and dad.

 

I don't know how to assist them with that.  I've written to them, left my voice recorded showing, in my voice, my love that I hope will live on in their hearts as well as their beloved dads love.

 

I'm taking this opportunity to thank everyone of you.  I wish you joy-filled days, compassion in your hearts, care for our planet, our fellow human-beings as torn as we currently are.  That saddens me and I wish you all personal peace and love, always love in your heart and continue to reach out for the support you need and to help those in need, who have less and are struggling.

 

I was raised to only raise my hand if it's to reach out to help someone up.  I have tried to pay it forward, having been raised to be compassionate and accepting that we all have hearts; some have been hardened and i need to work hard to help those who hold hate in their hearts.  

 

If I my dream comes true, I'll be able to share all the beautiful details of the joy and deep love my sons felt when they first saw their baby.  And of course my tears of love.  

I may not.

 

If I can, I would like to write to each of you, telling you how special you are.  Telling you I understand your fears and concern.  To share I feel your pain and how hard it is moving forward without the person you so deeply loved and cared for.  Tell you how strong and independent you are.  I would like to hear more about your dreams, your families and to share mine.

 

If you celebrate your differentness, the world will, too. It believes exactly what you tell it—through the words you use to describe yourself, the actions you take to care for yourself, and the choices you make to express yourself. Tell the world you are a one-of-a-kind creation who came here to experience wonder and spread joy. 

 

You have told me you care and have shown me you are unique and beautiful.  I love and respect each of you.

 

Thank you,

Namaste

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,929
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@karuna, GOD BLESS YOU,and your family.I am so sorry you and them are going through this.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 127
Registered: ‎08-31-2014

@goldensrbest   Thank you so much.

 

I love goldens too.  (((I understood your shock and loss Tuesday)))

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,929
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

@karuna wrote:

@goldensrbest   Thank you so much.

 

I love goldens too.  (((I understood your shock and loss Tuesday)))


You truely have been in my thoughts,and prayers ,you sound so brave, i know you as dannyswife, i feel a closeness to you.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 37,654
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

@karuna

 

I am so happy that you were able to post a message to me and let me know how you are doing. 

 

The grace and dignity you exhibit given your current circumstances humble me.  I will pray fervently that you see each of your grandchildren arrive before you depart to rejoin your husband in the next dimension.

 

I am a firm believer that love never dies.  The love we have for each other is like a fiber optic thread that connects us regardless of the dimension that we inhabit.

 

I am happy to have met you here despite the circumstances of our meeting.  I will watch for updates from you, if and when you are able to let us know how you are doing.

 

Bernadette

There are many elements: wind, fire, water
But none quite like the element of surprise
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 127
Registered: ‎08-31-2014

Re: widows thread

[ Edited ]

@Bird mama

 

Grace and dignity...I'm not so sure about that, but thank you.  I struggle and cry and get confused about life.  And with in-home care...my dignity and concern about that flew out the window.  shh---I'm still a little mortified?  Can a person be a little mortified? ;-/  I'm embarrassed and get over it when I give the caregiver a hug and thank her for her caring heart and warm hands.  

 

I too am a firm believer that we carry a spark of every person, especially those we've loved in our hearts no matter what dimension we inhabit.  Our energy lives on through others and is in the stardust.  I like your imagery.  Thank you.

 

I'm  happy to have gotten to know you, your caring, fun-loving spirit , first n the wellness thread and the bird thread and at the back fence.

 

I had a dream that after my career, I would retire and wear comfortable clothes, my braided hair, making sun tea as I tended my garden---a Mother Earth woman.  That's in my soul, but I have had cancer for years and I couldn't make that dream happen.  However, I feel nature is healing and soothes the soul.  I also learned one can be in nature anywhere...it surrounds us.  So, I have enjoyed your love of birds and the garden and have smiled through your experiences.       

 

I will write when I am able. But, I do not want to get sad and feeling sorry for myself.

 

I hear the wind chimes and enjoy that sound in the distance.  The cool mountain evening breezes have been lovely and hearing the wind sing and make the leaves dance is beautiful.  We live in CA now.

 

My first birdwatching experience was in the mid-west in the winter, counting bald eagles.  When I was very young, I had two birds.  I found one on the floor of the cage.  I ran to my dad and told him one had fallen off the perch...rolling eyes now...gads.  My dad explained yes that happens when it dies ;/  LOL.  I do see many here, but it's a long learning curve identifying them.  I have my bird watching book since a child, with it's yellow pages, but I decided to just enjoy them.

 

Rambling...I'm doing that trying to recall all that is and was happy and to also calm my pounding heart.  On that,  I will ask the caregive( or lovegiver) here to wrap me in some bubble wrap so I can take a safe walk ;p  Sheesh.

 

Love your avatar.

 

 

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 127
Registered: ‎08-31-2014

@goldensrbest wrote:

@karuna wrote:

@goldensrbest   Thank you so much.

 

I love goldens too.  (((I understood your shock and loss Tuesday)))


You truely have been in my thoughts,and prayers ,you sound so brave, i know you as dannyswife, i feel a closeness to you.

 

;')   (((( I feel that.  Thank you )))).  Take care of you. OK?  I care about you.


 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,558
Registered: ‎04-01-2010

Dear karuna: 

 

You have been in my thoughts and prayers since you first came to this thread. I have asked God to bless you, give you strength and courage in these difficult days and too let you enjoy your new Grandbabies.  I admire you so much dear friend.

 

Like you we had  two sons, one lives close by and the other lives clear across the country in Missouri. We keep in touch as much as we can, but sure wish he lived closer. I do miss him and his family.  Both of my children have given me grandchildren and now my grandchildren are giving me great children to love. We have three little ones the oldest being four and the others under one year of age. A reminder that our family is still growing and strong even though  our DH and Father is no longer with us.  I know he watches over us and feels our love and devotion.

 

We all have one thing in common that we share a love lost.  We all have had to make adjustments that are not easy that's why this thread is so important to us, a place to come with warmth and understanding  on our worst days. And we have all  made friendships that are very dear to us and have helped in our healing. Even though we have never met I  feel we know one another and think of each other as dear and close friends.

 

Today is Veterans day I will make my way to Tahoma National  cemetery where my DH is buried.   They have a program every year to honor the heros who rest there.   I always take this opportunity to go visit my DH and remind him our love lives on and how much I miss him. It's always hard and its a day of tears and wishing for things that can never be.

 

I am so glad you are up to posting, please know that we all look forward to hearing from you and you are always in our thoughts. Sending blessings your way and hugsHeart