quick question .... - Page 5

dogsx3 · ‎02-05-2011

@Snowpuppy wrote:
@dogsx3 wrote:
Would you rather stay in an unhappy relationship because you are scared to be on your own financially and 60ish.....or take a chance to maybe find happiness on your own.
Have you ever been on your own?

I've known women who have returned to work at this age even if part time whether they have a partner or not.

Have you worked out a budget and looked at your options for living arrangements?

No never been on my own, cant figure out budget until i know what i can expect to receive...looking at living options and rent kind of hard to figure out until i know what to expect. He has said ...he will do only what he has been told to do... if divorce.

jeanlake · ‎03-10-2010

Such a personal decision and no details given. Definately, go to counseling and speak confidentially with someone. Don't over-share to friends. Not yet.

"I took a walk in the woods and came out taller than the trees." Henry David Thoreau

dogsx3 · ‎02-05-2011

@SeaMaiden wrote:
@dogsx3 wrote:
Would you rather stay in an unhappy relationship because you are scared to be on your own financially and 60ish.....or take a chance to maybe find happiness on your own.
@dogsx3 I was just going to post something on this subject and saw your thread.

My Husband of almost 40 years is now retired going on two years. He has no hobbies...does nothing all day...lays in bed on his phone ....or he is in a chair watching TV. That is it. He will not go for a walk with me....come out help me in the yard....will go to Costco only because he wants a hotdog....that is about the only thing we do together.

we argue over simple things....I as him to do something and he always has an excuse. Turns into an argument. Not a fight....just an argument. I am a person who gets things done. He never gets anything done unless I ASK him. He puts things off....I never do.

As to your question....I am not looking for a new relationship. I really would not want to have to deal with another person. Happiness is a broad term. I choose to stay in this relationship just because it is what I know and "comfortable" even if at times difficult. I just do my thing....he does his. So Yes I guess I chose to stay in this relationship.....
At this age....and at this point....it is just easier to stay together.

I would not not be scared to be on my own. I was on my own for many years prior to getting married many years ago. I do need someone to "fix" the computer when something is not working... things like that that😄.

Thanks , i have been living "alone" for over 30 years now, except for my dogs. Yes it is comfortable and a little safe, never been on my own. But we can't talk without fighting about anything. I have never been able to count on his word about things, and as he gets older the meaner he is. Everyone else thinks hes a great guy.....

halfpint1 · ‎03-10-2010

Depends how horrible it is. I don't want a man at my age but everyone is different. 60 is young though.

tends2dogs · ‎05-08-2010

@sidsmom wrote:
@Desertdi wrote:
I can't answer that question......but I will say this:

EVERY woman should have her own secret bank account.
Wow.
That is the most depressing thing I’ve read in a while.
If one is slinking around hiding this & that...you don’t need to be in a relationship with anyone.

I totally agree, @sidsmom . I was shocked at how many hearts that comment got. If someone is hiding money from their spouse, what does that say about the relationship? It certainly isn't based on trust and honesty. Sad.......really......

Fear not Brothers and Sisters! I have read THE BOOK..........we win!!!

dooBdoo · ‎06-27-2010

@dogsx3, I sense deep, profound sadness and uncertainty, and I wish I could come there, sit with you, give you a hug, and offer some kind of solace and support.

We can't know all the details, but there's plenty of wisdom and heartfelt concern and advice in this thread.

Please, be mindful, thoughtful, and careful as you examine the facts, as you examine your heart and soul, and as you move forward. Find good resources, especially including a trusted therapist or counselor with experience, expertise, and an objective and confidential perspective.

Making changes can be hard, but remaining in a painful environment can be much harder.

Abuse can take physical or emotional form, but either way it is damaging and dangerous, poison to our mind, body and spirit.

You deserve to be happy, @dogsx3. You are valuable. Your feelings are valuable.

Life is a balancing act... we need to be mindful of the price we pay for accepting the status quo, and we must decide if the price is acceptable.

I just read this yesterday in going through my Facebook images and quotes, and I think it might be relevant.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn."

("Comes The Dawn" by Veronica A. Shoffstall)

There is help out there for you, (((daisy123))), and also there are people who care. I'll keep you in my prayers.❤️

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova

sidsmom · ‎11-25-2011

If a ‘secret bank account’ keeps one feeling happy/safe

in a bad relationship, than one must also understand & approve

if their spouse/partner has, say, a ‘secret love interest’ on the side

to keep them feeling happy/safe.

Distrust works both ways.

PLUS the ‘secret bank account’ spouse/partner will begin to

justify all sorts of conditions...slippery slope.

ScarletDove · ‎07-11-2010

Answer is obvious, be on my own and independent....

My father told me in my early 20's I better learn to take care of myself....wise advice and he taught me well!

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@manny2 wrote:
@sidsmom wrote:
@Desertdi wrote:
I can't answer that question......but I will say this:

EVERY woman should have her own secret bank account.
Wow.
That is the most depressing thing I’ve read in a while.
If one is slinking around hiding this & that...you don’t need to be in a relationship with anyone.

There is nothing wrong with a secret bank account. Money is independence.

No, nothing wrong with a bank account. But something is wrong if that account has to be secret.

My husband and I set up a joint checking account, and we each had our own separate accounts too. Money was his, mine, and ours. Nearly everything was paid by our joint account, but if I bought him a gift, it came from my money. If he wanted to buy something expensive just for himself, it came from his money. And vice versa. That's the way we wanted it and it worked out really well. But none of this was secret.

Having a separate account from a spouse is one thing, but hiding it is another.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@jeanlake wrote:
Such a personal decision and no details given. Definately, go to counseling and speak confidentially with someone. Don't over-share to friends. Not yet.

This is the best advice. A good counselor can lead to helpful resources. Get all information from experts, not from friends or others who may be well-meaning but are misinformed or too emotionally involved.

There are a lot of variables, more than the OP should disclose here. I'm sure that all of us wish the very best for her.