Why does DH do this? - Page 5

GraceLady · ‎01-03-2013

@Sooner wrote:
@mintedrose I am very fortunate because I could never begin to repay my husband for what he has brought to my life and for the zillion things he does for me, so no, I can't get to see this as a real big issue. Especially now that we are old. It's too precious to worry about stuff like that at this stage of life.

@mintedrose The reality is, I am sorry to say, one day, one of you will be alone. The kindest thing you can do is to make sure that he will be alright without you. The same goes for him. If there are things that he handles exclusively, you should learn how to do them yourself unless you are physically unable. That is another way of taking care of each other. This really is a bigger issue than you realize right now.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@qbetzforreal wrote:
@mintedrose wrote:
@Sooner Thank you! its precisely because of that reason why i try to help him. I dont wanna be his mom neither am i trying to be. however, i know how much he'd go out of his way to take care of me if i needed help. I do it out of my heart because i care. His mom apparently didnt make him very independent from the beginning and thats due to her own control issues.
This post sounds like you're okay with the Status Quo, so I don't get the original post. That post sounded like you were fed up with him. With this post, you take a swipe at his mother. I guess that's a whole other underlying issue.

Your husband is the husband you have because of you. It's not all men, it's not even his mother. It is the dynamic you two have developed during the course of marriage. The appt scheduling happens because (your words) "I do it out of my heart because I care" and he knows it.

That's exactly what it is.

KathyM23 · ‎11-20-2010

Medical issues and appointments are nothing to play games with. If your DH is reluctant for some reason to schedule appointments and to keep them, it is to your benefit to schedule them for him as medical issues of his will also affect you. Not only would I schedule them, I would make sure he gets ready to go and I would go with him. No more missed appointments.

There is give and take in a marriage and thls is a case where you are the giver. I'm sure there are areas where he is the giver for your benefit.

If you are always the giver, then that is another story, but I kind of doubt it

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@mintedrose

Most of the Docs around me charge $50 to $100 dollars for less than 24 hour notice of cancellation & the cancellation must be made during office hours.

If he paid that fee once or twice it might help him remember.

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

RealtyGal2 · ‎01-05-2017

@mintedrose wrote:
I love my DH but sometimes i just wanna strangle him. He never makes his own appointments, whether its for eyes, teeth, general stuff. I know he has a busy schedule and in the past Ive had to schedule them all but now im just fed up with it. I literally have to remind him like a child every few hours or he'll make up an excuse.

He's missed his eyes appointment 3 times now and ive had to cancel and reschedule numerous times because of his schedule or he'll have something else he gets busy with. The problem is he wears contacts and he's run out of them a month ago so he's been stretching them out which is irritating his eyes. Ive been on his case to go to his eye doctor. He says he cant because of schedule. So I end up asking them for a pair of extra contacts for him which can last an extra month hoping he can find time in a month.

His appointment was scheduled today, he was supposed to go after he got done meeting up with his dad. Well, guess what, now he's over their house fixing their printer and God know what else. I reminded him again that his appointment is later today but he thought he missed it already. My goodness. Is it just me? What is up with men these days?

You are part of the problem. Stop doing things for him. Pretty soon his eyes will become irritated enough or he won't be able to see to do his work and then he will find time to go to the doctor. You need to stop enabling him if you want his behavior to change.

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

Why make appointments for him, in your other thread about your sil ,he does not stand up for you.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

chiclet · ‎03-19-2010

I think most men, especially after a certain age want a mother. I used to do more for him but I figure it is good for his mind to do these things for himself. He sure does not worry about my appts or medication or my health.

CelticCrafter · ‎03-09-2010

You're enabling him by calling to reschedule, calling to ask for an extra pair to get him through. So did he go yesterday or will you be calling again next week for him?

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

If you now resent it, drop your secretarial duties to him, and let him tend to himself.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@mintedrose The reality is, I am sorry to say, one day, one of you will be alone. The kindest thing you can do is to make sure that he will be alright without you. The same goes for him. If there are things that he handles exclusively, you should learn how to do them yourself unless you are physically unable. That is another way of taking care of each other. This really is a bigger issue than you realize right now.

She's absolutely right. Remind him of that.