Why does DH do this? - Page 8

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@mintedrose wrote:
@Sooner Thank you! its precisely because of that reason why i try to help him. I dont wanna be his mom neither am i trying to be. however, i know how much he'd go out of his way to take care of me if i needed help. I do it out of my heart because i care. His mom apparently didnt make him very independent from the beginning and thats due to her own control issues.

I am confused (not really). You complain in your original post and then justify it. If you want to babysit him, do it and don't complain that acts like a child. If you want him to grow up and take some ownership, don't enable him. It's that simple.

Patriot3 · ‎06-07-2010

My husband didn't do anything for himself. I had to buy his clothes, make appts, and push him to do anything. It was worse than having another child because he wasn't a child. No conversationalist either. A few of the things that led to divorce.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Drythe wrote:
@mintedrose

Most of the Docs around me charge $50 to $100 dollars for less than 24 hour notice of cancellation & the cancellation must be made during office hours.

If he paid that fee once or twice it might help him remember.

I agree.

And also - None of my doctors have ever charged me a fee for cancelling an appointment, (even on short notice), but I still wouldn't schedule, cancel, and reschedule over and over. Not only is it embarrassing, but it's unfair to the office staff and to other patients. It's a waste of time to schedule an appointment that most likely will not be kept, and it's inconsiderate.

If this is an ongoing issue (and it seems to be, with several doctors), then there needs to be a solution other than lather, rinse, repeat. Clearly that's not working.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@chiclet wrote:
I think most men, especially after a certain age want a mother. I used to do more for him but I figure it is good for his mind to do these things for himself. He sure does not worry about my appts or medication or my health.

I completely disagree with this. In my experience, that's not true at all of men of any age.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@Mj12 wrote:
I can see how making the appointments and reminding him would be annoying if it were a constant thing. My husband goes to the doctor so rarely, that when he really needs to go, I’m happy to make it easy for him (appointments etc.) I don’t consider it “mommying” him but just trying to make it easier. He does so much at home, in the yard, auto maintenance, that I don’t have any issue with making an appointment.

I don't see anything wrong with what you do. Helping out a spouse is fine. It's kind and loving, and since marriages are supposed to be partnerships, it's perfectly okay if both of you are comfortable with it. As you said, it all evens out.

But the issue here is that her husband is irresponsible and she ends up scheduling, cancelling, rescheduling, and nagging. It's not a partnership or working as a team. That's what some of us are talking about - not an example such as yours where spouses do their share and try to make life easier for each other.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@Mj12 wrote:

But the issue here is that her husband is irresponsible and she ends up scheduling, cancelling, rescheduling, and nagging. It's not a partnership or working as a team. That's what some of us are talking about - not an example such as yours where spouses do their share and try to make life easier for each other.

Exactly.