Among Friends

[Somertime]

The bottom line is...........the SIL has NO rights whatsoever in this matter!  Her father in law did not see fit to name her in the will or in the trust!  Legally, she has NO rights or say, she is not related by blood.  Legally, she has NO leg to stand on!  Unless the SIL has Power of Attorney for her husband any actions by her is interference and illegal regarding any action she has taken since the death of her father in law.

The OP is not at fault in anyway.  She has taken her fiduciary responsibility seriously.  Regarding the mail that was addressed to Estate of ...........  The SIL opened the letter that contained the check and wrote notes on the outside of the envelope which is an acknowledgement that SIL opened it.

I have no interest in the SIL opinions because legally the OP is within her rights as Administrator of the will and the Trust.  The SIL's opinion is immaterial and has no legal standing.

[CrazyDaisy]

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@CrazyDaisy wrote:

I would grow up and stop trying to control everything.

It is time to work together, resolve any issues and heal together.  Constant creation of conflicts when there is none is districtive.

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She's supposed to be in control of everything.  She's the executor.  And it certainly sounds as though she's not the one who needs to grow up.  She's consistently taking the high road here, trying to keep things civil, even with this shrew of a meddling SIL.

If you think @hyacinth003 is creating non-existent conflicts, then you haven't been paying attention.

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Once again there is a difference between being responsible and wanting to control everything.

Oh and have been paying attention.

[CrazyDaisy]

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@RealtyGal2 wrote:

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@CrazyDaisy wrote:

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@AuntG wrote:

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@50Mickey 

Maybe you missed the part of the OP where she states that the letter was addressed to 'The Estate of George Smith', mailed to his former assisted living residence and as the sole executor of Dad's estate, it was intended for her.

She's not sure how SIL got her hands on it and thinks she may have picked it up at the facility.

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This is the point @CrazyDaisy and others are missing. The mail should have been given to the OP unopened. If power of jealousy are part of the equation, that has nothing to do with the SIL violating the wishes of the deceased that @hyacinth003  be executor of the estate. I think a lawyer needs to send a letter to her brother and his wife.

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Not missing anything, OP is looking for every reason possible to slam her sister-in-law.  She wants total control over the process and is making the littlest thing into a major issue. Unfortunately this prettiness is probably splitting the family apart, not something her father would want.  But I guess a win at all costs.

She has no idea how they got the letter, who opened it and if it was done intentionally or by accident. For all she knows some clerk at the assisted living home opened it by mistake. But of course it is the sister-in-laws fault

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@CrazyDaisy:

I don't understand why you are attacking the OP. She is just trying to do the job of Executor that she was given without unnecessary interference. When mail is opened prior to her receipt she has no idea if anything was removed. She is also grieving. Give her a break and be a little nicer.

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Not attacking anyone (unlike you are to me).  Ask for opinions, thats what you get.  My relpy was not to the OP, yet based upon information she has provided concerning family matters for years.  If you don't want people to comment on them, simple don't post them.

[CrazyDaisy]

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@Somertime wrote:

The bottom line is...........the SIL has NO rights whatsoever in this matter!  Her father in law did not see fit to name her in the will or in the trust!  Legally, she has NO rights or say, she is not related by blood.  Legally, she has NO leg to stand on!  Unless the SIL has Power of Attorney for her husband any actions by her is interference and illegal regarding any action she has taken since the death of her father in law.

The OP is not at fault in anyway.  She has taken her fiduciary responsibility seriously.  Regarding the mail that was addressed to Estate of ...........  The SIL opened the letter that contained the check and wrote notes on the outside of the envelope which is an acknowledgement that SIL opened it.

I have no interest in the SIL opinions because legally the OP is within her rights as Administrator of the will and the Trust.  The SIL's opinion is immaterial and has no legal standing.

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That would depend on the State.  In many states a spouse actually does have the same rights.

[Somertime]

@CrazyDaisy Does not depend on the State, it depends upon the will or the Trust.  If the non blood spouse of the beneficiary is not included in the will or the Trust, they have NO say or rights.  The SIL is a non blood relative with no rights to her father in law's estate.  She is the spouse of a blood relative.  Legally, she is a non entity. 

The spouse of the deceased has legal rights!  The SIL is not a spouse of the deceased.

[CrazyDaisy]

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@Somertime wrote:

@CrazyDaisy Does not depend on the State, it depends upon the will or the Trust.  If the non blood spouse of the deceased is not included in the will or the Trust, they have NO say or rights.  The SIL is a non blood relative with no rights to her father in law's estate.  She is the spouse of a blood relative.  Legally, she is a non entity. 

The spouse of the deceased has legal rights!  The SIL is not a spouse of the deceased.

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Yes, it does depend on the State.  The spouse of a person designated as a benificiary can have rights.

[Group 5 minus 1]

Reading MANY of your replies I think you are so jealous of this relative. But,have you done anything about it?

[hyacinth003]

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@AuntG wrote:

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@50Mickey 

Maybe you missed the part of the OP where she states that the letter was addressed to 'The Estate of George Smith', mailed to his former assisted living residence and as the sole executor of Dad's estate, it was intended for her.

She's not sure how SIL got her hands on it and thinks she may have picked it up at the facility.

========

This is the point @CrazyDaisy and others are missing. The mail should have been given to the OP unopened. If power of jealousy are part of the equation, that has nothing to do with the SIL violating the wishes of the deceased that @hyacinth003  be executor of the estate. I think a lawyer needs to send a letter to her brother and his wife.

@AuntG 

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It's all I've asked.  Just let me do the difficult job of having to tell people over and over that my father is dead.  It's been a big rush of fun for me, let me tell you.  I have a notebook of things to do, people to contact, information I have gathered, endless phone calls, and many hours of time given.  My SIL doesn't have to do anything but aggravate me and disrespect the one thing I have asked - send me or let me know to pick up my father's mail, since it belongs to his Estate now.  I am trying to honor his trust in me for his final business.

Hyacinth

[Anonymous032819]

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@hyacinth003 wrote:

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@AuntG wrote:

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

@50Mickey 

Maybe you missed the part of the OP where she states that the letter was addressed to 'The Estate of George Smith', mailed to his former assisted living residence and as the sole executor of Dad's estate, it was intended for her.

She's not sure how SIL got her hands on it and thinks she may have picked it up at the facility.

========

This is the point @CrazyDaisy and others are missing. The mail should have been given to the OP unopened. If power of jealousy are part of the equation, that has nothing to do with the SIL violating the wishes of the deceased that @hyacinth003  be executor of the estate. I think a lawyer needs to send a letter to her brother and his wife.

@AuntG 

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It's all I've asked.  Just let me do the difficult job of having to tell people over and over that my father is dead.  It's been a big rush of fun for me, let me tell you.  I have a notebook of things to do, people to contact, information I have gathered, endless phone calls, and many hours of time given.  My SIL doesn't have to do anything but aggravate me and disrespect the one thing I have asked - send me or let me know to pick up my father's mail, since it belongs to his Estate now.  I am trying to honor his trust in me for his final business.

Hyacinth

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@hyacinth003 

And you are, but I am also willing to bet that your father would want you to stand up for yourself, and to not let people treat you like a doormat, and walk all over you.

I'm willing to bet that he would want you to lay down the law in no uncertain terms with anyone who interfered, get tough.

And that's what you have to do.

If this was a random stranger, and not family, who was acting this way, what would you do?

Would you respond differently if it was a stranger who was treating you like this?

If so, then why are you allowing your sister-in-law treat you this way?

Is it because she is "family"?

So what if you promised your dad to "play nice".

You have tried, repeatedly to "play nice", and your sister-in-law has taken full advantage of you knowing that you won't retaliate.

Your dad will understand, I promise you that.

Anyway, I wish you nothing but the absolute best as you move forward.

[NYC Susan]

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@CrazyDaisy wrote:

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@NYC Susan wrote:

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@CrazyDaisy wrote:

I would grow up and stop trying to control everything.

It is time to work together, resolve any issues and heal together.  Constant creation of conflicts when there is none is districtive.

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She's supposed to be in control of everything.  She's the executor.  And it certainly sounds as though she's not the one who needs to grow up.  She's consistently taking the high road here, trying to keep things civil, even with this shrew of a meddling SIL.

If you think @hyacinth003 is creating non-existent conflicts, then you haven't been paying attention.

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Once again there is a difference between being responsible and wanting to control everything.

Oh and have been paying attention.

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An executor needs to be both responsible and in control. 

@hyacinth003 is doing exactly what she's supposed to do.