Re: Told Not To Bring a Gift, But I Am.....

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

@OnlyShopsOnline wrote:
I wanted to throw a 60th birthday party for myself, at a local restaurant. I wanted to celebrate with the special people in my life. And I wanted to say "no gifts." I don't need anything. And I didn't want it to be a burden for people. I just wanted to have a party.

I ended up not having the event because I knew people would ignore my request.

Isn't that unfortunate? I know exactly how you feel, as I've done the same thing after doing a casual poll and having several people say that they just had to bring something. NO YOU DON'T!

I really value manners and consideration for others and that some just have to make it about themselves is terribly disheartening and maddening.

blackhole99 · ‎08-22-2013

@aroc3435 wrote:
@BunSnoop . . . but we just wanted to honor you. Maybe that would work?

@aroc3435 I think you said it best. I have an elderly aunt who does this no gifts thing all the time and I know she does not have unlimited funds. The family always pitches in and gives her a gift of money in a card or something we know she wants and won't buy for herself. That's how we honor her and she doesn't protest.

Scooby Doo · ‎03-14-2010

By giving her an unsolicited gift you are stealing her thunder, defeating the purpose of

her charity. Let her have this.

tucsongal · ‎03-10-2010

@BunSnoop wrote:

I had decided to give a gift and was only asking what to write in the card.

I was not asking if it's wrong or right to give a gift.

Thanks to those that answered my question.

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Just a thought, but this thread sort of demonstrates what can happen when people ignore your request.

magicmoodz · ‎03-16-2010

I am always amazed to read the responses when this topic comes up. In my world "no gifts" does NOT mean no gifts. I truly think how we personally address this issue is based on where we live (regional) and our circle of friends and family.

No gifts to me means don't go traipsing through Nordstrom looking for a silk scarf or a silk tie you think the recipient might like. Instead a gift card to a new restaurant, a bottle of champagne or wine, a gift card to a favorite bookstore are all suitable no gift gifts.

It is simply not acceptable TO ME to be invited to a party and arrive empty-handed. It's really no different than being invited to someone's home for dinner where you would bring a bottle of wine and/or a floral arrangement...or maybe I am assuming too much here.

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

When an 85 year old woman says "no gifts" - she means no gifts! She doesn't need more "stuff" because she probably already has enough of that in her home. And giving her cash makes it appear that she needs help hosting the dinner she's invited her friends to attend. I had a wonderful party for my mother when she turned 80 and we absolutely did not want gifts or money - and we said that in the invitation. The party was to celebrate her birthday and be surrounded by her family and friends, and that's all we wanted. Thankfully, all guests complied with our wishes and request.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@magicmoodz wrote:
I am always amazed to read the responses when this topic comes up. In my world "no gifts" does NOT mean no gifts. I truly think how we personally address this issue is based on where we live (regional) and our circle of friends and family.

No gifts to me means don't go traipsing through Nordstrom looking for a silk scarf or a silk tie you think the recipient might like. Instead a gift card to a new restaurant, a bottle of champagne or wine, a gift card to a favorite bookstore are all suitable no gift gifts.

It is simply not acceptable TO ME to be invited to a party and arrive empty-handed. It's really no different than being invited to someone's home for dinner where you would bring a bottle of wine and/or a floral arrangement...or maybe I am assuming too much here.

@magicmoodz I feel exactly the same way! I could never attend a party of any kind that a relative, friend or neighbor invited me to and NOT bring anything! Even a simple cook out I'll bring a bottle of wine or some other hostess gift.

Personally I think that "no gifts" on an invite just complicates things for those who feel they can't win either way and have to spend more time thinking about this than if the request was never there to begin with.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@jannabelle1 wrote:
When an 85 year old woman says "no gifts" - she means no gifts! She doesn't need more "stuff" because she probably already has enough of that in her home. And giving her cash makes it appear that she needs help hosting the dinner she's invited her friends to attend. I had a wonderful party for my mother when she turned 80 and we absolutely did not want gifts or money - and we said that in the invitation. The party was to celebrate her birthday and be surrounded by her family and friends, and that's all we wanted. Thankfully, all guests complied with our wishes and request.

@jannabelle1 "We" or your mother?

BunSnoop · ‎05-22-2010

I just came home from the party.

FYI: On the table next to the birthday cake guests left birthday cards, gift bags, a bouquet of flowers and a box of Fannie Mae Candies.

haddon9 · ‎03-09-2010

@BunSnoop wrote:

I just came home from the party.

FYI: On the table next to the birthday cake guests left birthday cards, gift bags, a bouquet of flowers and a box of Fannie Mae Candies.

@BunSnoop I hope you had a great time as well as the birthday celebrant!

Just wondering how you would have felt if you didn't bring anything and everyone else did? I know if it were me I would have felt bad and a bit awkward but then there are those here who claim that it's not about how you, the guest feels but I disagree....oh well it's just the way that I am.

As I mentioned I think the request of "no gifts" makes things complicated.