Among Friends

[BunSnoop]

I'm going to a birthday party tonight with my husband for a friend of ours - it's her 85th birthday.

She is paying for everyone's meals - there will be about 20-25 guests.  It's at a very upscale restaurant.  She wrote on the invite "no gifts".    She does these birthday parties every 10 years, she writes "no gifts" but I heard that everyone either gives gift cards, checks, etc.

She does not have a lot of extra income and I know the money gifts are appreciated.

I want to put a check in the card.  In the card I guess I want to write, I know you said no gifts, but..........

That's where I'm lost.  Do I just say, but.....we just wanted to?  Or how would you phase it?

[aroc3435]

@BunSnoop  . . . but we just wanted to honor you.  Maybe that would work?

[threecees]

If she does not want any gifts for herself, would she accept

money and donate it to a charity?

Have you gone to one of her parties in the past? Do you

know others that will attend? Maybe you can speak to them.

[Shelbelle]

When I get a no gifts invite, I always give a gift card to a store or restaurant, or sometimes give a donation in the persons name to a fave charity of theirs. 

[Imaoldhippie]

How does she pay for that many meals at an upscale restaurant if she does not have a lot of extra income?  She must save up for 10 years.  How do you know the money gifts are appreciated?  Has she told you?

Do what feels right for you.  I believe if it were me I would get a card and put in cash what you think 2 meals would cost at the restaurant and not mention a word about it.

God bless her and I hope she has a Happy Birthday and a great "party."

[suzyQ3]

To me, "no gifts" means exactly what it says. If it had said "In lieu of a gift, a donation to your favorite charity [or lists an option]," then that's what I would have done.

[willdob3]

@BunSnoop 

No gifts means no gifts. No buts. 

[NickNack]

My sister and I gave my father a birthday party at a nice restaurant for his 80th birthday.  We put "no gifts" on the invitation that was sent to at least 50 people.  Almost everyone came, and no one brought a gift.  He got a lot of birthday cards.  I think "no gifts" means please don't bring a gift.

[BunSnoop]

Wow.......Let's just end this one!!   

Thanks to those that answered my question - what to write in the card.  :-)