Among Friends

[jubilant]

@FLgardener I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you are hurting. Everyone's timetable when it comes to grief is different.  I have seen what you are experiencing, in other families.   

Maybe you could reach out to a family member that you once had a good relationship with and see how they react.  That might help you make a better decision on how to handle this. Another thing, I would like to suggest, is that you reach out and make new friends or, if you know someone else who is suffering loss talk to them.      Sometimes friends understand better than family can.  I think this might help ease the hurting.  You still have a lot to offer.  Please believe that!!! I just said a little prayer for you.  God bless you in a special way in the coming days.   

[silkyk]

[Drythe]

@FLgardener 

I am sorry for the loss of your spouse, getting up and going after that ... I can’t imagine, but of course you have to.

Several years ago DH and I moved across country for health reasons.  We wrote, e-mailed, called, and invited friends to visit. Some responded, some did not.

When we came home, two years later, reached out to everyone with joy.  Some were there, some had moved on.  Some of the absent were HUGE surprises.

After giving it an honest, sincere try, we moved on too.  

Best to you.

[lovesrecess]

I am truly sorry for your loss. Something similar can happen when someone gets a divorce. I was “odd man out” at large family or friends gatherings during holidays, etc. I could truly say no one had anything to fear, I was not looking for a new relationship with any of their husbands or boyfriends.
It does hurt, but know it is not your fault. Make new friends who know you only as a single person. A volunteer opportunity or church can be good places to meet new people. They are making friends with you as yourself, not as one part of a couple. And you are right, it does hurt, as do some of the critical comments here that are surprising to me.

[lovesrecess]

It is impossible to have a relationship with anyone, family or friends, unless they want it also. Rejection is the most painful emotion, but we all may face it in some way, and how we move on is up to us. Consider it their loss.

[lovesrecess]

Wow

[Sage04]

WOW!!

[GoneButNotForgotten]

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@FLgardener wrote:

@Kitlynn , Thank you for your thoughts. I have always been honest with my loved ones. There was no lapse in communications.

At some point, I became aware that they could not and would not accept the time frame of my grief . It was not

something they could relate to.

My loved ones needed to let me know they were not receptive to me when I expressed my own personal grief.

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I'm so sorry for you. I went through something similar many years ago and though I rarely think about it now, it still hurts when i do. I can't offer advice but I can give you a lot of sympathy.

[FLgardener]

 I have come to a realization that I need to strengthen myself and not present myself as weak in the world. I'm working on it.

[FLgardener]

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@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

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@FLgardener wrote:

@PickyPicky3 , I am sincerely sorry you had to endure that. I hope to shed some light on this seriously deep form of discrimination which is rarely discussed.

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@FLgardener 

Honestly, I don't really understand your comments.   They were supportive for several years, then "cut you loose" and then put you in a corner?   Your family is discriminating against you?   Huh?

I can't speak to how they reacted to your behavior, because I'm not sure what you did or how it appeared to others.  Did you seek professional counseling or expect others to fix you?  

The only thing that comes to mind .... and this just my speculation .....  is that you were a lot more needy than you realized, and that can be very exhausting for others, especially if it went on for several years, as you say.  If they started avoiding you, that might be why.

A person in an emotional crisis needs help, but as they recover and improve they need less support.  That's the way it should be.  It doesn't mean they "cut you loose".   JMO

Thank you for your insight. I was always a major caregiver in my family. When I lost my soulmate, It seemed that family and friends thought I had all the inner resources I needed. I didn't. I was broken.

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