Among Friends

[Imaoldhippie]

No I would not go and further more I would not invite friends.

[aroc3435]

Go.  Relationships are based on trust--without that . . .

[qualitygal]

This kind of upsets me, that the story came in two parts.  Here on in, I'm going to ask for both sides of the whole story, or just skip over it.  I deleted my responses, since they were not going to be a help and the original message was very different from how I took it in part one of the story.  

OK, going now.  

[Marp]

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@slmartino wrote:

Thank you everyone.  Getting ready to sign off here for the night but now that answers are in, and they are mostly leaning towards how I feel, thought i would give an update and the exact situation.

Dh wants to go on a watersports vacation for a week - week and a half with friends that he hasn't seen in 16+ years to the caribbean.  These arent people that he regularly sees, talks to or goes on vacation with as they live in another country and he hasn't had hardly any contact with the exception of being facebook friends in a long time.

Now, the caribbean is my heart.  Thats my happy place, the place where I always want to be, the place I've been vacationing for the last 30+ years and where I go any chance I can get.  We always go to the caribbean together, I feel that it is a couples vacation, not a singles place.  We've also gone together for many years and both participated in watersports.  But because this is a "guys" trip, the women are not going, however I am having a hard time getting him to understand that it's not right to leave me sit at home, have to work, take care of the house, cook dinner, etc while him and his friends are out partying it up in the islands!   Not to mention that this guys trip is actually occuring over the week of Valentines Day!   If the situation was reversed and I had the opportunity to go somewhere that he enjoys and he couldn't go, I would never go.  Not only would I only want to go with him, but I would feel terrible enjoying myself while I know that he was miserable at home just stewing in jealousy.  I admittedly have taken short weekend trips with friends or family in the past, but it was only done with the fact that he had zero interest in where we were going so I knew that he just didn't care.

So I'm glad to see that a large majority of users are in agreement with what is the right thing to do.   I'm not his mother or owner so I will let him go if that's sitll what he wants to do, but it certainly puts a bad taste in my mouth that he doesn't care that I'd be sitting home.   We'll see what happens!    Interesting replies, thanks!

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It sounds like if he goes he will pay for it for the rest of his life.

[Mimi 1883]

No, I would not go without my DH. I would not enjoy it without him. I’d wait until we could both go.

[Quse]

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@Marp wrote:

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@slmartino wrote:

Thank you everyone.  Getting ready to sign off here for the night but now that answers are in, and they are mostly leaning towards how I feel, thought i would give an update and the exact situation.

Dh wants to go on a watersports vacation for a week - week and a half with friends that he hasn't seen in 16+ years to the caribbean.  These arent people that he regularly sees, talks to or goes on vacation with as they live in another country and he hasn't had hardly any contact with the exception of being facebook friends in a long time.

Now, the caribbean is my heart.  Thats my happy place, the place where I always want to be, the place I've been vacationing for the last 30+ years and where I go any chance I can get.  We always go to the caribbean together, I feel that it is a couples vacation, not a singles place.  We've also gone together for many years and both participated in watersports.  But because this is a "guys" trip, the women are not going, however I am having a hard time getting him to understand that it's not right to leave me sit at home, have to work, take care of the house, cook dinner, etc while him and his friends are out partying it up in the islands!   Not to mention that this guys trip is actually occuring over the week of Valentines Day!   If the situation was reversed and I had the opportunity to go somewhere that he enjoys and he couldn't go, I would never go.  Not only would I only want to go with him, but I would feel terrible enjoying myself while I know that he was miserable at home just stewing in jealousy.  I admittedly have taken short weekend trips with friends or family in the past, but it was only done with the fact that he had zero interest in where we were going so I knew that he just didn't care.

So I'm glad to see that a large majority of users are in agreement with what is the right thing to do.   I'm not his mother or owner so I will let him go if that's sitll what he wants to do, but it certainly puts a bad taste in my mouth that he doesn't care that I'd be sitting home.   We'll see what happens!    Interesting replies, thanks!

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It sounds like if he goes he will pay for it for the rest of his life.

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Yup. And my suggestion to OP : let it go. Think of it as a mini stay-cation for you. Eat what you want, when you want...maybe tourist your own town, call some friends for dinner...enjoy the peace and quiet. Then maybe plan a Carribean vaca for you and husband when u can both go. It'll give you something to look forward to, instead of stewing about what you don't have now.

[ScrapHappy]

No, I wouldn't go without my husband.  On a side note:  I've always wanted to go to Italy.  My husband's brothers now travels to Italy once or twice a year on business (England too) and invited my husband to go along with him whenever he wanted.  I told my husband it was fine to go (and it is) but he said he wouldn't go to Italy without me.....England, that's another story.

[house_cat]

The only cruise that I've ever wanted to take is one that sails the New England port cities in autumn.  I've often told my two best friends that it's on my bucket list to take that cruise, but since I'm working at that time of year, my DH is in failing health, and we can't afford it anyway... it probably won't ever happen.

My BFFs have lots of money and travel the world regularly. They've each taken dozens of cruises and can afford to do pretty much anything they dream of.  One of them told me last week that she and her husband are taking my dream cruise this fall.  Of course there's no reason in the world she shouldn't go, but I have to admit that it was a challenge not to appear hurt when she told me about it.  In the end, she's a dear friend and I love her and hope she has a wonderful time. Still, my feelings are valid and I'll just have to acknowlege them and move on.

[debic]

Either way I would have said let them go, or I would go.  In my 43 years with my husband, we have taken a few separate vacations.    We are none the worse for wear.   

*ETA*  The only issue I'd have here is if it is financially feasible to go on this trip.   If the money's not there stay home.

[stevieb]

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@slmartino wrote:

Good morning all...wow, funny how the tables turned overnight!  LOL There was nothing more relevant in my update than in the original post and despite what others think, there was nothing misleading.  The original post did say friends asking one of us to go somewhere without the other and the fact that Ive been to the caribbean mulitple times is irrelevant.  This particular island they are going to I've never been.

However, I guess it's the un-selfish side of me in the fact that I couldn't go on vacation with girflriends either and enjoy myself knowing that my DH was sitting home wishing he was where I am and enjoying things that I'm enjoying as well.   Now if I was going to a spa vacation, yoga retreat, shopping, etc. he wouldnt care and if the tables were turned, I wouldnt either, but the fact that he is going to a place that I want to be at and doesn't care how I feel is very telling to me. 

No, we're not attached to the hip, but I don't feel that its right to take vacation time from work that we could be using together.  He isnt going because he wants to see his guy friends, he has never kept in touch with them all these years so they arent that important, he's only going so he can enjoy a sport that we both enjoy by himself in a place that we should both be together.   He wants to go on a golfing trip, to a camping trip, mans retreat, I could care less and yes I would drop him off to the airport, but to specifically choose a place that he knows right well that I want to be at but dont have the opportunity to go is just a slap in the face to me.   I would never do that to him and think its pretty selfish of him to do it to me.

But that's it, just one final update.  I'm off to enjoy labor day weekend so I wont be back anytime soon.  Feel free to talk amongst yourselves if you like, but thats the end of the discussion from my side.  

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Translated, it appears the OP didn't get quite the response expected after all... so will be taking her toys and going home... That, along with some of her other remarks, appears to be saying clearly it really needs to be 'all about me'... I'm sorry, but the notion of trying to deny someone else something simply because I can't have it too just says it all for me...