Please help me solve an argument with DH - Page 7

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@slmartino wrote:
Good morning all...wow, funny how the tables turned overnight! LOL There was nothing more relevant in my update than in the original post and despite what others think, there was nothing misleading. The original post did say friends asking one of us to go somewhere without the other and the fact that Ive been to the caribbean mulitple times is irrelevant. This particular island they are going to I've never been.

However, I guess it's the un-selfish side of me in the fact that I couldn't go on vacation with girflriends either and enjoy myself knowing that my DH was sitting home wishing he was where I am and enjoying things that I'm enjoying as well. Now if I was going to a spa vacation, yoga retreat, shopping, etc. he wouldnt care and if the tables were turned, I wouldnt either, but the fact that he is going to a place that I want to be at and doesn't care how I feel is very telling to me.

No, we're not attached to the hip, but I don't feel that its right to take vacation time from work that we could be using together. He isnt going because he wants to see his guy friends, he has never kept in touch with them all these years so they arent that important, he's only going so he can enjoy a sport that we both enjoy by himself in a place that we should both be together. He wants to go on a golfing trip, to a camping trip, mans retreat, I could care less and yes I would drop him off to the airport, but to specifically choose a place that he knows right well that I want to be at but dont have the opportunity to go is just a slap in the face to me. I would never do that to him and think its pretty selfish of him to do it to me.

But that's it, just one final update. I'm off to enjoy labor day weekend so I wont be back anytime soon. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves if you like, but thats the end of the discussion from my side.

@slmartinoSorry but I'd say grow up. Both of us traveled for work a lot. I've spent a lot of valentines, birthdays and such alone and was fine with it. For years in a row my actual birthday was known as chili dog day, and I'm none the worse for the wear. I'd get a chili dog, which I never had otherwise, and celebrate with the cat, and my husband would bring me o send me a gift and flowers or we'd go pick out my gift when he got home and we'd celebrate later.

I'd go on the road for work and call him every day and send him pictures from where I"d been and he'd be excited for me going there.

Why rain on somebody's parade? You never know what life will bring, but meet it with a sunny and uplifting and supportive attitude and you won't be sitting aound with "wish I hadda" later in life. Go out and have fun! Both of you and be happy that the spouse has such an opportunity!

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

My original answer was for the spouse to go. With the turn of events, I'd tell the spouse my feelings. No point in him going if it's going to cause long lasting issues. Talk it out.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

I would truly encourage my spouse to go and have a great time. Why should he miss out! That’s the kind of marriage we have.

stevieb · ‎03-10-2010

@GCR18 wrote:
My original answer was for the spouse to go. With the turn of events, I'd tell the spouse my feelings. No point in him going if it's going to cause long lasting issues. Talk it out.

It's fine to talk it out, but why should he not go... If doing so creates 'long lasting issues' then, to me, that speaks volumes both about the OP and about the nature of their relationship.

In my pantry with my cupcakes...

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@slmartino wrote:
Thank you everyone. Getting ready to sign off here for the night but now that answers are in, and they are mostly leaning towards how I feel, thought i would give an update and the exact situation.

Dh wants to go on a watersports vacation for a week - week and a half with friends that he hasn't seen in 16+ years to the caribbean. These arent people that he regularly sees, talks to or goes on vacation with as they live in another country and he hasn't had hardly any contact with the exception of being facebook friends in a long time.

Now, the caribbean is my heart. Thats my happy place, the place where I always want to be, the place I've been vacationing for the last 30+ years and where I go any chance I can get. We always go to the caribbean together, I feel that it is a couples vacation, not a singles place. We've also gone together for many years and both participated in watersports. But because this is a "guys" trip, the women are not going, however I am having a hard time getting him to understand that it's not right to leave me sit at home, have to work, take care of the house, cook dinner, etc while him and his friends are out partying it up in the islands! Not to mention that this guys trip is actually occuring over the week of Valentines Day! If the situation was reversed and I had the opportunity to go somewhere that he enjoys and he couldn't go, I would never go. Not only would I only want to go with him, but I would feel terrible enjoying myself while I know that he was miserable at home just stewing in jealousy. I admittedly have taken short weekend trips with friends or family in the past, but it was only done with the fact that he had zero interest in where we were going so I knew that he just didn't care.

So I'm glad to see that a large majority of users are in agreement with what is the right thing to do. I'm not his mother or owner so I will let him go if that's sitll what he wants to do, but it certainly puts a bad taste in my mouth that he doesn't care that I'd be sitting home. We'll see what happens! Interesting replies, thanks!

@slmartino

OMG ... All I can say is .... WOW !!!

You sound spoiled and very immature ..... as another poster said upthread .... Grow up!!

There is no "right" or "wrong" perspective here, so your trying to solicit a lot of strangers on a message board to agree with you won't help to "solve" this argument.

Your lack of emotional generousity leads me to believe that this guy really needs a break from you. Give him your blessing and spend the time reflecting on what it must be like to live with you. Hopefully, this will be a wake-up call that might actually help save your marriage. JMO

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

It seems the OP is hurt to realize she is not as important to him as he is to her. Apparently he doesn't feel the Caribbean is their special place nor is he disappointed that she can't go. He could have least given the impression of being reluctant to go without her.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@slmartino wrote:
Heres the situtation. Im not going to say which side I'm on as I dont want it to be biased, but please read below and comment with what you would do.

First, think of the only place in the world that you want to be...such as an actual place, not with someone. Whether it be the mediterranean, caribbean, Paris, somewhere in the US, another country, etc. I mean the place that you love with all of your heart and would go at any opportunity you could get.

Now, say that your other half has friends that have invited her or him to this particular place but yet your husband or wife can't go for whatever reason and must stay behind to work.

Would you willingly go on vacation with your friends to the place that you know your husband or wife has always wanted to go or would you tell the friends that you wouldn't go without your husband/ wife.

Would like to take a poll here to just see what the consensus is....GO!

I imagine I would stay home and be with my spouse, unless he just insisted that I go.

But there's nowhere I'd want to go that badly.....I would rather stay with DH.

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

I would go with my spouse's blessing. Likewise, I'd encourage my DH to go if I were unable to go along.

After reading OP's explanation in post #27, I feel she is so jealous that she will make life miserable for him if he goes. It's hogwash to say you cannot have fun without your spouse. Go there with him some other time and quit stewing about a "guys" vacation.

YorkieonmyPillow · ‎01-13-2013

@slmartino Okay, I answered without reading replies, and I just read your explanation.

My DH would NEVER want to go anywhere like that, with just "the guys." He isn't into that at all.

If my DH isn't welcome somewhere, I wouldn't go, and vice versa.

ETA: I would have no interest in going on a "girl's trip" without my husband. I would rather be with him than anyone else in the world.

jannabelle1 · ‎09-12-2010

None of us here can help you "solve an argument" with your husband. That is an immature way to address the issues you're having....and yes, it sounds as though there are quite a few issues.