Among Friends

[CouponQueen]

It is all fine and good to tell somebody to buy a gun and learn how to use it. First you need to know the laws in your state..but also laws are very strict on when you can use a gun..gone are the days of drag them on your property...these days it is a whole different ball game of legal/criminal liability and then statistics show in cases often times the gun is taken and used on the victim. I am not anti gun in any way, shape or form..but you we need to be informed so we do not end up on the wrong side of the law in cases justifying yourself and your actions.

[VaBelle35]

I recommend the book The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker.  I think it will really give you the tools you need for this situation.

I would only get a gun if you have the time to learn how to use it oroperly and practice with it regularly to get comfortable with it.  If you are not comfortable with it, it's pretty much useless to you.

I also really liked the idea of a rotweiller if you can have pets in your new place.

[LoriLori]

@HouseMouse,  by all means get a dog if you're so inclined but understand it can't protect you everywhere.  Not trying to scare you (not sure it's possible to scare you more than you already are) but he can find you when the dog isn't with you.   As for moving same thing, depending on his level of anger and determination he may follow you there. 

I would not block his texts or erase his messages or get rid of the phone.  I would buy a second phone, a cheap one if that's all you can manage, whatever -- give the number only to those you absolutely trust.  Keep the phone he's using because his calls and texts will be evidence if it becomes a criminal case.  

The police can advise you of this stuff based on the laws in your state.

Be safe, HouseMouse.  

[skittles2]

All the advice here is great.  This is what I tell my daughters beside this stuff--- 

DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO TO SAVE YOUR LIFE, WE'LL GET THE ATTORNEY AFTERWARDS AND LET THEM HANDLE IT!

[BalletBabe]

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@CouponQueen wrote:

It is all fine and good to tell somebody to buy a gun and learn how to use it. First you need to know the laws in your state..but also laws are very strict on when you can use a gun..gone are the days of drag them on your property...these days it is a whole different ball game of legal/criminal liability and then statistics show in cases often times the gun is taken and used on the victim. I am not anti gun in any way, shape or form..but you we need to be informed so we do not end up on the wrong side of the law in cases justifying yourself and your actions.

When my hubby passed that was my first thought---Get a gun.  I went to a gun store and tried to pull a few triggers.  It was not for me.    I talked to my neighbor and he was the one that advised me to get the hornet spray.  I also carry pepper spray that stains the sking for 36 hours.   Some of us are not gun shooters.   If you get one you need to go somewhere and get lessons.  

[BalletBabe]

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@Carmie wrote:

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@BalletBabe wrote:

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@Carmie wrote:

I mentioned your problem to my DH, who is a police officer.  He said to call 911 and request a police officer visit your house to talk to you about this stalking problem.

Also, he said a big Rottweiler would be nice to have around.

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I don't agree that she should call 911.   This is not an emergency.  I would call the local number and ask if an officer could stop over and they will come.  

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It depends on the area you live in.  Local police departments have non emergency numbers.  If you live in an area services by the state police, you might have to call 911 to get an officer.

it’s not really important which number you use to contact them, as long as you call for help.

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911 is an emergency number.  It should ONLY be used for emergencies.  All police stations will tell you that.  My first stalker was in Pa.  My second in Florida.  THe second goof decided to enter my back yard and trim my palm tree.  I was in the shower and had no ideea he was out there.  (My backyard is fenced in.  He had the nerve to enter without my permission.   That is what did it for me.  I called an officer out and showed him exactly where he was.   My gates now have locks on them.  He also had the nerve to enter my screened in patio looking for an outlet.  When I heard the door slam, I totally freaked out.  I was coloring my hair and not dressed.   He had a wheel Barrel, an large saw, a 15 foot ladder and there was a bunch of stuff on the ground.  He knocked earlier and I ignored my door for the third day in a row.  (These men cannot take a hint) 

I called the police and they came out and told me if he ever shows up on my property again to call and THEY WILL REMOVE HIM. I called his wife the following day and asked her if she knew he was over here everyday since my hubby passed----Guess what?   She had no clue.  Takes Oxycontin and is always in bed sleeping.   I asked if she knew he was over here cutting my tree and again she said no.   I told her , I do not want him here anymore.   That finally stopped it.

He started coming outside evertime I was outside all Summer.  I told all of my neighbors watch this goof , he comes out evrytime I a out.  Someone must have had a talk with him because now if he sees me he runs in the house.  LOL

[ROMARY]

I just 'tuned in' and haven't read all of the posts and updates.  Personally, I'd probably move back home (for a few months, probably more; and not forever).  Just until he gives up and moves forward in his life.  I have a feeling that moving home will be the best first step, along with a restraining order.  Staying at your place right now isn't a good idea, no matter what.   Just my opinion.   p.s.  Do not attend his church.  Find another one 'clear across town'.   And be observant while driving, etc.  Don't have a set pattern re: driving streets/routes.  Forget walking around your neighborhood.  Meet friends somewhere else, preferably in a mall or at a very public well-populated walking place.  Maybe a high school track.  Just thinking about your situation is making me feel very uneasy.  Good luck to you.

[blackhole99]

@HouseMouseLike others have mentioned, get yourself a gun and learn how to use it and let the police know you are having a problem with this guy. My friend was stalked, and then shot and killed by her boyfriend and she had a protection order against him.

[ROMARY]

BalletBabe:  Sometimes they do similar things at an older age.  I recall watching one of those doctor tv shows, possibly 'The D*ctors', but I'm not completly sure.   Anyway, they mentioned that an early symptom of dementia/Alzheimers is (sometimes) odd and unusual behavior such as stealing and running off, etc., etc.  Sounds as though this tree trimming behavior in your situation is one of those symptoms.  Just doing things that are totally unacceptable in society without even caring about it being illegal. ( Without going into personal detail, it's a very strange feeling and situation to be (in). )   ..........  Especially by a male spouse of someone, 'say' a relative or friend.  That's plain 'eeery'.   And sometimes the wife can't do much about it, even if she tried.  The husband in that state of mind has a 'one track mind' and will do whatever he wants to do.    

[Shaunac]

I, unfortunately, see the beginnings of the same situation for myself. 

I broke up with my ex in January.  We've talked and emailed a few times since then.  He was acting normal at that time. 

In July, he emailed me saying he hopes we can talk or email again someday.

I wrote back saying I'm not comfortable with that right now so as to cut off all communication. 

Three months later (last weekend) I am walking my dog in my neighborhood and who is driving by, looking for me?

I said this couldn't be your first time doing this.  He said no, he's done it before.  "A few times".  Yeah, right.  I was surprised he admitted it.  He said he didn't want it to look like he was stalking me, but he wanted to be sure I was okay.  He actually said, I'm surprised you are talking to me and didn't call the police.  What an odd statement to make and this makes me think he knows what he is doing is wrong, but is doing it anyway.  

He went on to say that he also saw me at work, in the parking lot, and wanted to say hi.  He said he was driving by (on a main street) and saw me. I think that would be near impossible as it takes me, literally, all of 30 seconds to go from car to building and he wants me to believe he just happened to be passing by as I was walking into the building?   I think he was sitting in the parking lot, waiting for me.  I had suspected this many, many times.

The things he was saying were crazy.  He was twisting things in his mind, making up stories.  I believe he is delusional.  I wouldn't have believed it unless I actually saw it.  He is sitting at home, thinking too much.

Here is an example.  When we were dating and driving through my neighborhood, for conversation I said, this is where I walk my dog and I pointed to a street with a school.  That was a month or two before I broke up with him.  When he found me, while I was walking my dog, he said, I think you told me about that school because you wanted me to go there and wait for you.  What the what?  How does: this is where I walk my dog translate into why don't you come over here and wait for me? 

The reason I talked to him last weekend was because I wanted to ask him what he was doing in my neighborhood and because when we had previously talked June, he seemed to be normal, his usual self.  I will no longer talk to him as he is progressively getting worse, declining. 

I know I have not seen the last of him.  I thought, a few months ago, that he was becoming obsessed with me and even thought this while we were dating.  Then I thought, nah, I'm overreacting. Well, I think I was right. 

Thanks for listening.  I've only told one friend and I think she is tired of hearing about it.      (

@HouseMouse

I'm sorry you are going through this and hope you stay safe.  You are not alone.