Among Friends

[HouseMouse]

I wonder if anyone has any advice?  I have an ex boyfriend and we have not been together in 10 years. 

Things had been calm since then but now that I have my own place he has started to harrass me and there is some stalking behavior.  He will come to my place and knock and knock, and sit on patio and talk outside the door.

I do not want to see him or talk to him. I am scared though to call the police on him. I am scared of his friends and what they might do.

I have told him over and over and over that if I ever want to see him I will let him know. But I wont and dont want to ever.

I cant even sit on my own patio or open my front door for fear he will show up!!!  He is the type that wont just go if he showed and i said to leave. He would stay put no matter what.

He has said in texts that he WILL win me back and that he has changed and he even goes to Church now. Well I dont care if he has or hasnt changed I dont want him back!!! 

If I moved he can easily look me up online and see my address!! I hate that it is that easy for anyone!!

I did block his number but he will just use a family member or friends phone!!

I feel I shouldnt have to live like this but if I was to get a restraining order or call police when he harrasses me I am afraid things could get worse with him or he could send his friends to do something!!

We have been texting friends for the past couple of years and yes i regret that.  He hates hearing me say no to his constant asking to go out for lunch or dinner etc.

I feel like a prisioner in my own place! He constantly texts and calls if I dont reply to texts.

Help is appreciated.

[DrKelli]

Well, prety much the advice is to get a restraining order and call the police when he violates it.  Otherwise, he's going to keep doing it.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

It sounds like to me he needs a 16-ton anvil to fall on his head - evidently, he isn't taking the "hint."

Tell him flat-out you don't want ANYTHING to do with him, EVER, and to stop bothering you.

Get a firearm and learn how to use it.

I would get a restraining order; not because it will protect you but if worst comes to worst, he's paid for. If he is in your yard, you can call the police and tell them you have a restraining order on him and they'll arrest him.

Of course, they'll let him out, but that's why you need to be able to protect yourself.

This kind of person doesn't take the hint, you have to spell it out for them.........

[SeaMaiden]

You need to start the process.... at least a restraining order.  Not that this will really keep you safe, but, you need to start a paper trail of acknowleging to the police and others that he is dangerous.

  I am so sorry you have to feel such fear and only wish you well. This sounds so frightening.  But to keep it to yourself out of fear of retaliation from his friends  if you got him locked up is no way to live your life.   

[NicksmomESQ]

  If you don’t want to call the police your only alternative is to move ASAP .Leave no forwarding address & tell no one who your ex can get to where you’re going!!

  Good luck!!

[moejoe]

Best advice so far, get a gun and learn how to use it.

[chprsp]

All of the above plus stop texting and block him. If you're on FB block him there too.

Also keep track of the dates and times he contacts you or tries to contact you. Be aware of your surroundings.

[Annabellethecat66]

I can't offer much help but I will say to you that I think you must get it on record (with the police) about him stalking you.  From everything I've seen and read that is vitally important so you have a basis here.  

It sounds like things are heating up and if it does you need to be able to go back and say, "Look, here's where it started.  Here's how far back it goes".    It's always best to have a legal record of the beginning.

I have a friend who has been stalked off and on by an old boyfriend.  Her anguish never goes away.  She lives near me and we eat together almost every day.  She'll say, "Did you see this car or truck in the neighborhood?"  My heart aches because I hear the fear in her voice.

Other's here can give you much better advice but I DO KNOW you must go to the police and have it on record.

One other thing.  I watched a (I believe it was) 48 hours show maybe a year ago about women being stalked.  The female lead (Pauley Perrette) has been stalked for years.  She was very vocal in the show and talked about her anguish and what it's like to live like this (with a stalker).  Several of these women don't even know who their stalker is, just that he/she has made their lives a living Hell!

If you want to read more about Ms. Perrette and her stalker and what she does go here:https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ncis-star-pauley-perrettes-fight-to-change-stalking-laws/

Take care and God Bless you.  

[jlkz]

@HouseMouse

If you have ever watched programs such as Forensic Files or other crime dramas, then you know their outcomes.

You are in the same precarious position: it may be a matter of time.  I hope it doesn't come to that....you need to quickly act on the advice from several posters:

              1.  Get a restraining order. ( it starts the legal        process );

              2.  Call police and advise them of the order.

              3.  Put 911 on speed dial.

              4.  Get all locks changed.  Add them to windows.

              5.   Change your phone (s) numbers, preferably unlisted.  Restrict severely the number of folks who get the new numbers.

              6.   Close existing email accounts.  Create a new one that is only used for necessary purposes....not social media stuff.

              7.   Notify folks at work what is occurring.

              8.   Put yourself in your own Witness Protection program:  MOVE.  

I hope you move forward on these steps quickly and stay safe.

[I am still oxox]

Get an unlisted number and call the police they should be able to advise you on what to do and what not to do