Please Offer Help-Stalker - Page 5

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

@HouseMouse Please listen to everyone here. I have been stalked twice in my life. These men are crazy. They do not understand the word NO or I am not interested. You must call the police ASAP. They cannot do anything unless he is on your property. They will come and remove him from your property even without a restraining order. Keep a notebook and write down every time he tries to contact you in any way. Until you get a gun, get a can of Hornet spray and keep it at all doors. My husband passed away over a year and a half ago and my neighbor started stalking me. He is married and in the beginning I thought he was trying to be nice and offer m his support. I WAS WRONG. To make it worse he lives across the street from me. First thing I did was tell him I do not want him here anymore. Then I contacted the police, and I also let every neighbor know what he was doing and told all of them if you see him on my property, even if I am not home , call the police.

PLEASE LISTEN TO ALL ON THIS BOARD. THEY HAVE ALL GIVEN YOU GOOD ADVICE. YOU MUST TAKE CARE OF THIS NOW---NOT A WEEK FROM NOW.

missy1 · ‎03-10-2010

@Carmie wrote:
@SeaMaiden wrote:
@moejoe wrote:
Best advice so far, get a gun and learn how to use it.

Yes! Get a restraining order AND THE SAME DAY buy a gun and learn how to use it.
I don’t understand getting a gun. The poster didn’t say this man was violent or that he wanted to hurt her. He just wants to be her significant other,I said pestering her and won’t leave her alone.

it is not legal to shoot someone for bothering you. If he has no weapon and isn’t threatening, you can’t just shoot someone because you don’t want them there.

I sure would not ant to spend the rest of my life incarcerated, for killing someone illegally.

it’s better to just contact the police for advice and help. Perhaps they could visit him and tell him to back off...maybe that is all he needs to hear.

He may not be violent now, but who knows. We don't know what he is thinking.

BalletBabe · ‎03-05-2011

@Carmie wrote:
I mentioned your problem to my DH, who is a police officer. He said to call 911 and request a police officer visit your house to talk to you about this stalking problem.

Also, he said a big Rottweiler would be nice to have around.

I don't agree that she should call 911. This is not an emergency. I would call the local number and ask if an officer could stop over and they will come.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

I was stalked by an old boyfriend.

The biggest help were the security guards in my building. I never said a word to them. Because I did not realize my old boyfriend was hanging around the lobby of the building. I worked on the 34th floor and the security guards kept their eyes on everyone using "our" bank of elevators. They questioned him about why he was spending so much time in the lobby. They didn't like his answer so he was on their "watch" list. And they made sure he never used the elevator, It was months later they told me. Apparently they talked to my co-workers and they told the security guys that he was no longer a current boyfriend. The security guys didn't want to upset me. But I still was on the look out for him.

He would follow me, in malls. I would turn around and he would be right behind me on an escalator. I would immediately go to the lingerie department, makeup aisles or ladies dresses. Anywhere where he would stand out.

His Mom invited me to dinner. They had a brass rubbing I had done, I asked for it back. I walked in over an hour early and they said they wanted me to eat dinner with them. I knew it was a delay tactic so HE could join us. I literally grabbed the brass rubbing and ran. I left their building at the opposite side of the building from my car. He did not see me because he was not expecting me to be over an hour early. So I ran to my car and pulled out. As I was leaving the parking lot he was still standing by his car waiting for me to pull in.

But it was years before cell phones and other devices. I just tried to anticipate what he might do and be a step ahead of him. I would do the unexpected. Park your car in a different area. So he isn't sure if you are home. Change your schedule. A dog is a good suggestion BUT then you will have to walk it and be outside more often. inter is coming maybe he won't want to spend as much time on your patio because of the cold.

Wear him out. But please do not reply to texts and calls. He will be encouraged.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

@BalletBabe wrote:
@Carmie wrote:
I mentioned your problem to my DH, who is a police officer. He said to call 911 and request a police officer visit your house to talk to you about this stalking problem.

Also, he said a big Rottweiler would be nice to have around.
I don't agree that she should call 911. This is not an emergency. I would call the local number and ask if an officer could stop over and they will come.

It depends on the area you live in. Local police departments have non emergency numbers. If you live in an area services by the state police, you might have to call 911 to get an officer.

it’s not really important which number you use to contact them, as long as you call for help.

OnlyShopsOnline · ‎03-09-2010

The only advice I can come up with is to "disappear" if at all possible. Do you have family in a different part of the country. If it's possible to start over, that's what I would do.

Maybe I've watched too many movies. But, this sounds scary to me.

"I've been here since October 2006. Wow!"

mustang66lady · ‎03-10-2010

You have gotten some great advice. I had a stalker years ago and this is what I did;

1. Make an appointment with the police and present your case against this man=get a restraining order. The police need to know who is involved, including other phone numbers he may be using.

2. Get a dog-a big dog. Try a doberman rescue group in your area. Dobs are very territorial and loyal to their owners. They intimidate just by looks.

3. Get a firearm and learn to use it. Take the classes; get the permits. Don't be afraid to use it-it will be you against him. You can feel no sorrow.

4. Cut off all communication with him and DO NOT Tell him what you have done. He needs surprise when he shows up and finds a huge dog. He needs surprise when he shows up and so do the police. You CANNOT be friends with this person-it is war.

5. Notify your neighbors of your problem; let them see photos of this guy, ask them to call the cops if they see him in the neighborhood and on your property.

6. Sleep with your key fob on your bedtable. Notify your neighbors if they hear it go off in the night, you have an intruder and to please contact the police. Keep a can of wasp spray on your night table as well. Shooting this in the eyes of your intruder will send him to the hospital. It shoots several feet so you don't have to be spot on with the first shot.

7. Take self defense classes-they will give you back your life. People like your stalker count on your "mothering" instinct to not hurt them-that instinct has to die. This is you against him. Fight with all you have and don't be afraid to hurt him. Punch his adams apple, dig your thumbs into his eyes and push outward. All men expect you to kick his groin first-pushing upward and inward with the heel of your hand into his nose hurts much more and then you can bring your knee into his groin. Self defense classes will teach you much more. Learn to use everything as a weapon. You will be surprised at what you can learn to do.

Please keep us updated as how this unfolds. Take control now of the situation. Decide to not be a victim.

I am still oxox · ‎03-09-2010

I wonder if the OP will revisit the thread or take any of the advice or if this is even real, I have grown so sceptical of threads like this.

Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and start being positive what could go right.

HouseMouse · ‎03-04-2016

Everyone that shared THANK YOU SO MUCH!!

I really truly appreciate each and everyones advice and suggestions.

I need to think all this thru to see what works best for me in my situation. If I only could leave this town and go to another state I would do that.

WHY do people just take Im No Longer Interested for Come By Un Invited so we can Talk or Come By and Hang out on my patio!!

If someone told me to not bother them I would not need to be told twice!! Or three times or a hundred.

So far this guy doesnt seem violent and praying that the fact he did start going to Church will be some of a help.

I thought we could be just friends and text but that was a Stupid Decision on my part. But for a good while it was Fine and I thought it was Fine BUT once I got my OWN Place instead of living with Family, he thought that was an Open Invitation to stop by anytime and beat on the door and try and talk to me thru a closed door.

Trust me for one thing I do not open the door to him, I ignore him. But when he sits on the patio like a lunatic I cant even go out on errands or whatever I need to do. I even cancelled appointments so I didnt have to go out the door.

There have been times he has followed me in his car if he happens to see me somewhere in town. I go all around streets trying to lose him and so far I have.

I am honestly going to take these suggestions and go over them and decide the best option. First thing I will go to the Police and see what help they can provide.

ONE Thing that Bothers me is that if he gets really Mad at me for like calling the Police Etc that he can get his scary buddies to harm me or something!!! It is Very Frightening.

I really appreciate the similar situations that you shared with me here too and how you handled things!!

I will let you know how things go!!! Thank you so much.

If we all had the same opinion or everyone was the same. the world would be a very boring place!

CouponQueen · ‎10-21-2010

Hello,

I didn't read all the replies so forgive me. You MUST BLOCK HIS #..no texts..no calls etc..NOTHING BLOCK..if he has a friend call..block that number..etc..

First of all you must tell him you want NO FURTHER CONTACT WITH HIM..That is a first..and if he violates your request you MUST go and apply for a Restraining Order but you must "have your ducks in a row.."

He has been bothering me since xxxx...her are tahe messages/calls. He shows up at my home and outside etc. Once you have told him officially again you want NO FURTHER CONTACT. Then apply for your Restraining Order..laws vary from state-to-state so make sure you look up your state laws and follow them.

Often times all it will take is an official presence by the Police to serve him and he will get the message. If he doesn't that is why you have the order...call them. They may warn him or charge him..depends on the local law enforcement.

A Restraining Order is the ONLY way to go..since he obviously does not get the hint from you..

There is no other advice - you should be able to go about your life without fear - you should not have to move or change anything.

Make sure you make it clear to him..you want NOTHING to do with him PERIOD..otherwise he will say otherwise..

Good Luck...and in cases like this..please keep us updated.