Among Friends

[AuntG]

Do you really think it is that big of a problem?  This friend will be in her own cabin, and I'd like to think she will respect your family time.  At other times, the grandchildren will have friends to play with.  I don't think I'd say anything and give it a whirl.

[gmkb]

I would suggest you talk to your daughter well before this vacation takes place.  You don't want to go feeling resentment about the change in plans.  Whatever is decided, this definitely changes the dynamics of this vacation and probably future vacations. 

Life is ever changing and not always to our liking or for the best.  The important thing is to maintain good feelings between you and your daughter.

[dex]

I would tell your daughter how special family time is to you and that you look forward so much to these vacations to create beautiful memories with your family.I wouldn't say anything though until after the vacation so there won't be anymore hurt feelings during the vacation.

[Annabellethecat66]

I understand what the OP is saying (most grandparents, especially, can understand).

I have 3 daughters, 2 are married and have 7 children between them.  When my husband was alive we all vacationed together.  

After he died it has taken a lot of work to get together (different states).  Also, the children's ages vary from 3 to 14.  I've found that as the children get older they like having THEIR friends with them and get bored more easily.

We also have good friends that before my husband died always got together, rented a huge house (for 26 years), nothing after he died.  

People get older and make friends (the children, I'm talking about).  As a grandmother I've learned you have to be able to 'grow' with your family and adjust as they change.  Grandparents have already done most of our growing and adjusting (this can present a problem in the family dynamics); but only if the grandparents don't adjust.

I've learned to be happy when I can be with my family.  They are young, like to do things and it is difficult for me to keep up with them (I'm 70, but in good health).  

Your family obviously loves you and your husband very much and I think it is wonderful they are giving up 1 precious week of their vacation to spend time with you and your husband; (you've obviously been a good Mom).

My advice is to (as another poster wisely suggested) plan a few evenings where just your family get together for dinner.  Maybe a lunch here and there.  However, I would also 'allow' your daughter (if she wants to) to spend some of a day or so with her friends.

You need to think about the positives in this situation.....your family chooses to spend a week with you and your husband, you will have full access to your family (living together) for a week.  

You can have wonderful discussions with each family member at different times of the day (that's priceless).  How often do you get to wake up early and see your daughter's smiling face, or give her a kiss good night?  You'll have lots of time to spend with your grandchildren here and there and they won't resent the fact that they are 'stuck' (as older kids sometimes do) there.  It's not a reflection on their love for grandparents or parents, they separate the love with being bored, you must remember that.

You might find that this might be one of the best years yet.  You need to learn that family dynamics change all of the time.  As grandparents we must always believe our children as adults love us; but they need to be able to grow and change with THEIR family.

Again, think of it this way, they are choosing to spend 1 week with you and your husband (giving up 1 week of precious vacation time), your daughter is married with a family, everything isn't always her choice.  Have you thought about that?  You're married, did your husband always go along with EVERYTHING you wanted?  Maybe he'd like to spend time with these friends too.

Finally, you are lucky, now go ahead and have the best time you've ever had.  Every morning walk over to that daughter of yours and give her a big "good morning" hug and at night give her a "good night" hug because you can do that for one whole week.

[GCR18]

I can understand your disappointment.  I don't think I'd say anything because it may not go over well.  I would go and do whatever I planned to do.  I wouldn't sit in the background because of the other family.  When the time comes to plan the next trip is when I'd bring up how I cherish family vacations, etc.  I hope you are able to have a nice trip.

[Gram W]

Beautiful.  This is great advice for us all.  I am a 71 yr old widow of 20 years.  I have learned what you just wrote but I could not have said it so well.  These are words to be saved and read in future times. Thank you for sharing your life's learned wisdom.

[tobes]

I don't beleve there is anything you can do now.  Just try to have a good time this year.  You may find you enjoy yourself more than you think.  See how it goes.  Have a discussion with your daughter about your feelings after the vacation in preparation for next year.

[dex]

@Annabellethecat66 You are a very special person.I bet your family loves you very much and treasures the time they can spend with you.I love reading your responses to posters because you can always find the right words.

[rrpell]

@nanny24Yes, you have been dissed.   Yes, you have a good reason to be hurt.  The fact that it was done by your daughter is even more hurtful.  Being handed an "announcement" that your much anticipated family's vacation will be changing is one sided.  She did not discuss it with you before making the decision for everyone.  Instead, she chose to discuss it with her friend.  

I thought the comments by other posters showed some of us have faced this situation.  You are not alone.  

Mothers are blessed with broad shoulders. 

I applaud all mothers,  They give so much.  It is the job from which no one retires.  When your daughter is a grandmother, and you are gone, something like this will happen to her.   Her daughter or son will do something insensitive and she will cry.   She will remember those times she did something terrible to her own mother and reflect on what you did. She will feel close to you.  She will feel comfort in the love and acceptance you gave her. Your everlasting love will wipe her tears. ❤️

[Annabellethecat66]

@dex Funny you should say that because (a little story) Friday I had a colonoscopy done (you can read about it on the topic "Funny How the Mind Works"  Ha). 

My oldest daughter insisted she come and drive me.  She and I are very close.  She is an amazing person and an even more wonderful daughter, as are my two other daughters.

I admit I 'take no prisioners' in life and kinda (try in a nice way to say what's on my mind).  As I've gotten old(er) I turn 70 this year, I find that I resent the way my get up and go and gotten up and gone!  Ha!  This sometimes means I get feisty when I feel like people are being condescending.

These nurses and Drs were 'over the top' at constantly telling me, "You'll be back" and "I can't believe you've been able to avoid this before now" (not something you want to hear when you've just been Rotor Routered!  Ha!

I was not rude to anyone just matter of fact (like "I'm here, talk to me, tell me, my daughter can listen").  Another of my pet peeves, (ignorance and lack of tact.).

My friend called a little later and said, "I saw your daughter coming down your driveway and she said, 'Keep an eye on my Mom.  She's doing great, but she's a bit fiesty'".  Ha!

I guess my girls are used to me.  It's difficult getting old(er) and turning over the reigns of the family matriarch.  I had to do it sooner than I thought because my husband (who was) died 13 years ago.

I know how lucky I am in many, many ways.  My problem is as I always say, "That ****** brain of mine is divided in two....one side is a "B" (insert the other letters) and the other side is wonderful and loving.  Unfortunately, as I get old(er) the "B" side is winning too much.  Ha!

What I say here is exactly like I am.  I think there are many people here who think and are just like me.  They just don't 'share' it like I do.  They are more wise than me, as is often demonstrated when they post.  I wish more would share their words of wisdom because we can all learn from each other.