Need to vent.......

nanny24 · ‎04-06-2010

Okay, here's the story....every 2-3 years, we take a family vacation with our kids and grandkids. We choose a destination that we all agree on and rent a cabin/condo etc at least a year in advance. This year we are going to the mountains to fish, canoe, ride horses, etc. We are not rich, and we save to go on these vacations, and I have been looking forward to the time spent with family. Last week, my daughter told me that she was talking with her friend, telling her about the trip, and the friend decided to come along and vacation with us. They will have their own cabin, but will spend a good chunk of time with us. I don't know if my daughter invited them, or they horned in on their own. When my daughter told me, I wanted to cry. To me, this is FAMILY time. I do not want to drive 300 miles to spend time with her friend, and I know my daughter will want to spend time with them, as their kids are the same ages. I know there is no answer to this, I just needed to vent. If I tell daughter how I feel, I will be the 'bad guy'.

Mom2Dogs · ‎03-09-2010

@nanny24 wrote:
Okay, here's the story....every 2-3 years, we take a family vacation with our kids and grandkids. We choose a destination that we all agree on and rent a cabin/condo etc at least a year in advance. This year we are going to the mountains to fish, canoe, ride horses, etc. We are not rich, and we save to go on these vacations, and I have been looking forward to the time spent with family. Last week, my daughter told me that she was talking with her friend, telling her about the trip, and the friend decided to come along and vacation with us. They will have their own cabin, but will spend a good chunk of time with us. I don't know if my daughter invited them, or they horned in on their own. When my daughter told me, I wanted to cry. To me, this is FAMILY time. I do not want to drive 300 miles to spend time with her friend, and I know my daughter will want to spend time with them, as their kids are the same ages. I know there is no answer to this, I just needed to vent. If I tell daughter how I feel, I will be the 'bad guy'.

@nanny24....I do not think I would be happy....this is/was a family vacation. Adding another family changes the dynamics of the group. Possibly your daughter thinks this will be fun for her kids, they will have someone to play with. Personally she should have talked to you first before including her friend.

I am facing a similar situation, not family related but friends...one friend continues to include her dil to events that used to be just us girls...now the dil, wants to include her daugher! What happened to just us girls? I don't have children of my own and really don't appreciate having a teenager tagging along on a girls day out.......and if I say anything I would be the bad person as well.....

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@nanny24 wrote:
Okay, here's the story....every 2-3 years, we take a family vacation with our kids and grandkids. We choose a destination that we all agree on and rent a cabin/condo etc at least a year in advance. This year we are going to the mountains to fish, canoe, ride horses, etc. We are not rich, and we save to go on these vacations, and I have been looking forward to the time spent with family. Last week, my daughter told me that she was talking with her friend, telling her about the trip, and the friend decided to come along and vacation with us. They will have their own cabin, but will spend a good chunk of time with us. I don't know if my daughter invited them, or they horned in on their own. When my daughter told me, I wanted to cry. To me, this is FAMILY time. I do not want to drive 300 miles to spend time with her friend, and I know my daughter will want to spend time with them, as their kids are the same ages. I know there is no answer to this, I just needed to vent. If I tell daughter how I feel, I will be the 'bad guy'.

I think you should tell her, perhaps you daughter didn't want the friend inviting herself at all. bad manners on the part of the friend.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
@nanny24 wrote:
Okay, here's the story....every 2-3 years, we take a family vacation with our kids and grandkids. We choose a destination that we all agree on and rent a cabin/condo etc at least a year in advance. This year we are going to the mountains to fish, canoe, ride horses, etc. We are not rich, and we save to go on these vacations, and I have been looking forward to the time spent with family. Last week, my daughter told me that she was talking with her friend, telling her about the trip, and the friend decided to come along and vacation with us. They will have their own cabin, but will spend a good chunk of time with us. I don't know if my daughter invited them, or they horned in on their own. When my daughter told me, I wanted to cry. To me, this is FAMILY time. I do not want to drive 300 miles to spend time with her friend, and I know my daughter will want to spend time with them, as their kids are the same ages. I know there is no answer to this, I just needed to vent. If I tell daughter how I feel, I will be the 'bad guy'.
@nanny24....I do not think I would be happy....this is/was a family vacation. Adding another family changes the dynamics of the group. Possibly your daughter thinks this will be fun for her kids, they will have someone to play with. Personally she should have talked to you first before including her friend.

I am facing a similar situation, not family related but friends...one friend continues to include her dil to events that used to be just us girls...now the dil, wants to include her daugher! What happened to just us girls? I don't have children of my own and really don't appreciate having a teenager tagging along on a girls day out.......and if I say anything I would be the bad person as well.....

just tell your friend to reschedule when you can do your dayout with just yourselves, she will figure it out.

and I totally agree with you

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

I'm not sure what can be done now that she's invited her friend. If they've already rented the cabin, it's a done deal. Aside from this fact, why wouldn't you want to mention it to your daughter? If the cabin's been rented, I'd just go this year and hope for the best. Next time you plan your vacation, you could mention that you like it to be just family time. You might be pleasantly surprised, though. They might end up being wonderful guests who add to the fun.

riley1 · ‎03-10-2010

@nanny24 - I think/suggest you should sit down with your daughter and talk to her. Maybe explain you were looking forward to family time and spending time with her.

You shouldn't be down before leaving for vaca and then not enjoy the time you are away - Good Luck

nanny24 · ‎04-06-2010

I do think part of it is so the kids have other kids to play with, but I am still hurt that if the friend invited herself, my daughter SHOULD have said that this is family time, and we can do something with your family at another time. My daughter is very social, and probably thinks 'the more the merrier'. Anyway, I thank you for your thoughts, and we'll see how it goes.

KingstonsMom · ‎03-09-2010

@Mom2Dogs wrote:
@nanny24 wrote:
Okay, here's the story....every 2-3 years, we take a family vacation with our kids and grandkids. We choose a destination that we all agree on and rent a cabin/condo etc at least a year in advance. This year we are going to the mountains to fish, canoe, ride horses, etc. We are not rich, and we save to go on these vacations, and I have been looking forward to the time spent with family. Last week, my daughter told me that she was talking with her friend, telling her about the trip, and the friend decided to come along and vacation with us. They will have their own cabin, but will spend a good chunk of time with us. I don't know if my daughter invited them, or they horned in on their own. When my daughter told me, I wanted to cry. To me, this is FAMILY time. I do not want to drive 300 miles to spend time with her friend, and I know my daughter will want to spend time with them, as their kids are the same ages. I know there is no answer to this, I just needed to vent. If I tell daughter how I feel, I will be the 'bad guy'.
@nanny24....I do not think I would be happy....this is/was a family vacation. Adding another family changes the dynamics of the group. Possibly your daughter thinks this will be fun for her kids, they will have someone to play with. Personally she should have talked to you first before including her friend.

I am facing a similar situation, not family related but friends...one friend continues to include her dil to events that used to be just us girls...now the dil, wants to include her daugher! What happened to just us girls? I don't have children of my own and really don't appreciate having a teenager tagging along on a girls day out.......and if I say anything I would be the bad person as well.....

@Mom2Dogs

I can relate. My DD and I always get together for lunch/shopping 1 day a week on her day off, which usually coincides with my friend's day off.

My friend wanted to join us all the time, which would've taken away from our Mom/DD experience, so I finally had to tell her that that day was a special bonding day for us and she understood.

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.

Ms X · ‎09-13-2012

One thing you could do, @nanny24, is schedule two or three events/trips that are just for family. Do you have certain traditions that you observe during your vacations together? Perhaps before you go you could discuss with your daughter setting aside family-only time. I wouldn't get into a big thing about her inviting them right now, as there's no way she's going to tell them they can't come now and it would only spoil the vacation. If you have the assurance that there will be a few family-only evenings and afternoons, that might be a great compromise. Then, if it turns out to be something you don't want repeated, you can deal with that when you begin planning your NEXT vacation.

Dusty1 · ‎03-10-2010

I will give another side. My Mother did family get togethers on holidays, not because it was "fun", but I guess. because it is what you did. I like it to be fun. My family is not fun. If my kids had boy/girl friends I liked to include them because I usually liked them & it made the day bettter for all of us, & believe me, it never took anything away from our "family" time. Mom did not even want any step children to be included. I remember a couple of Christmases, she bought dated ornaments for her kids & grandkids, but would not buy one for the step children/grandchildren.

My sister & sister in law & I went away for a weekend a couple of years in a row. The next year that we went my daughter was a Senior in HS & I took her along. I didn't even think about it, really. I thought it was a girls weekend & she was old enough to be "a girl" I guess & she was easy to get along with, so I just took her. All we had ever done is go to a hotel, shop, eat, see a movie or two. No wild partying or strip clubs, LOL, so I didn't think anything about taking her. My sister in law was mad & had nothing to do with us that weekend. Then her daughter got old enough to be included in things & always is, with no questions asked.

I hope your trip is more fun than you had hoped & that the unexpected additions, don't ruin it for you. It's hard to be planning things one way & then someone changes things on you. I hope things go smoothly.