Among Friends

[Peaches McPhee]

I am surprised at the number of people who are finding fault with the cousin.  Toxic?  Not worth it?

Because she politely declined an invitation?  

Gosh, some of you have very high standards for friendship.

[Himi lover]

Goodstuff, I tend to take things very personally. That's just the way I'm wired. I think she should move on, and frankly her cousin sounds like she doesn't want to be bothered with her. She sounds , to me, like she is not a very nice person, that's why I think she should just forget about her. Does she need someone in her life like that?

[jaxs mom]

I wouldn't take it personally that she didn't want to meet up on her anniversary trip. I'd just contact her as you normally would to chat or whatever and not mention it. 

[jaxs mom]

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@Himi lover wrote:
Goodstuff, I tend to take things very personally. That's just the way I'm wired. I think she should move on, and frankly her cousin sounds like she doesn't want to be bothered with her. She sounds , to me, like she is not a very nice person, that's why I think she should just forget about her. Does she need someone in her life like that?

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I think you are reading way too much into it. It's better to not assume intentions, especially of people you don't even know. 

[Himi lover]

Jaxs mom, I guess the way she described it, it just made me think like that. You're probably right. I'm reading too much into it. My "paranoia" is at an all time high lately. 😳

[goodstuff]

I

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@Himi lover wrote:
Goodstuff, I tend to take things very personally. That's just the way I'm wired. I think she should move on, and frankly her cousin sounds like she doesn't want to be bothered with her. She sounds , to me, like she is not a very nice person, that's why I think she should just forget about her. Does she need someone in her life like that?

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 I see that you take things personally........and can only imagine how much unnecessary trouble and conflict this predisposition must cause in your life!  I read your post and see a whole laundry list of unfounded assumptions and jumped-to conclusions that would lead you to terminate relationships and form negative opinions of others -- quite possibly for no good reason whatsoever.  Personally, I wouldn't want to spend my life constantly assuming the worst about others and acting accordingly.  A little grace goes a long way.

[MsLomo]

I agree that a little -- hey, even more than a little -- grace goes a long way. lol  I wouldn't jump to conclusions about the misery someone may have caused herself in her life because she feels hurt by some events. Everyone is different, and some people are more sensitive than others. (I'm trying hard not to jump to conclusions about the people behind some of these responses!)

The cousin was not especially tactful, and she communicated effectively how she felt about meeting the OP, even possibly for a very short time, and she didn't put any sugar on it -- not even a grain. 'Nuff said.

My opinion is that you and your cousin may be related, and you may have been in her wedding, but you do not have a relationship with her. I'd accept that and remove her from your radar screen. Some day she may suggest getting together and you can decide at that time whether you want to reconnect.

[occasionalrain]

The cousin misunderstood your first email aka jumped to conclusions. Maybe if you had made it clear that it was just a brief meeting if you happened to be in the same place at the same time. 

After you responded clarifying what you meant, your cousin didn't know what to respond. It could be that her husband wasn't as trilled about her planned trip as she wanted him to be. Also, often these celebration trips are an attempt to fix a marriage in trouble.

[this is my nic]

surfk,

I have been thinking that for quite some time.  It took the incident regarding not wanting to even consider trying to get together to make me see the truth.. 

DH, our daugher and I went to Italy and had a fabulous time!  It was DH's and my third trip and, like you, I LOVE Italy and wish I could live there at least for a while. 

I'm blessed with very good friends and my own family to enjoy activities with.  I don't need someone who isn't interested in maintaining a relationship.  My cousin and I live about 500 miles apart, so there's little chance of ever seeing each other again.  Quite frankly, I'm fine with that and don't feel the need to reach out.  I did reach out and got my hand slapped; that won't happen again.

Thanks!  You really did "get" my feelings and situation!