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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,941
Registered: ‎03-30-2010

Several years ago, DH and I were planning a trip to Italy.  I found out that a cousin, who I had been very close to since birth, was also planning a trip at the same time.  She and her husband were going to celebrate a major anniversary.  Not only am I her cousin, but I was also in her wedding.

 

When I found out that our trips would coincide, I sent her a message stating it would be fun if we were able to meet there.  My thinking was a quick meeting, toast their anniversary and be on our seperate ways.

 

She sent me a message stating that we could go to Italy, but they wanted to be alone.  She also stated that she had to say "no" to a girl she went to high school with.  How generous that she was giving us permission to be in the same country!

 

I then sent her a message saying that I didn't intend to join them on their trip, just meet at the Trevi fountain or some other landmark and wish them a happy anniversary.  I never received another message in return.  We have not communicated since. 

 

I've shared this with others and got opinions; just wondering what the women here have to say.  How would you have reacted to a similar situation?

 

Thanks!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 3,874
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Need some opinions.

[ Edited ]

If I really wanted to meet up with someone during my travels, I would be disappointed that they weren't on the same page -- but I don't think it makes sense to be offended or to take your cousin's response as a personal rejection!

 

Meeting with friends or family while traveling can add stress and complications (what if they don't show  up at the scheduled place and time, what if they want to hang out longer, what if they want to suggest other joint activities, what if.......?)   It makes perfect sense to me that your cousin and her husband had planned a romantic trip alone, and I suggest you understand and hope they enjoyed their time together as planned.

 

Just curious:  If this happened several years ago, why are you looking for opinions now?  I hope you haven't held this against your cousin all this time......

Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,648
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Well, I'd have to give her this - at least she was honest.

 

I can totally understand, because of your relationship, your desire to have a little get-together during their/your trip, but I guess it just turned out that that was not what she/they wanted.   Who knows why unless you ask her.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,941
Registered: ‎03-30-2010

My real problem was that she didn't even bother to respond to my last message where I stated, we wouldn't be with them for a long time, just a quick "hello and congrats"! 

 

I thought she misunderstood and thought I wanted to join them for the whole trip which is why I responded with my explanation.   Times for a quick meeting could have been very loose, if we didn't meet at a certain time, no problem. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,766
Registered: ‎05-09-2010

I tend to let things like this bother me too -- for way too long.  She could have handled this better.  Best to just let it go.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. Margaret Mead
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,941
Registered: ‎03-30-2010

I have pretty much let it go, but every now and then I think of it and it just bugs me!  :

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,764
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

I'd have been a little hurt but I would have let it go as it seems you did.  Since she never responded or contacted you, maybe she wasn't as close of a friend(cousin) as you thought.

 

Maybe she and her DH were having issues at the time...Who knows?  

 

I had to give up a "friendship" years ago that was best for me but hurt bad at the time.  I don't think much about that now, but reading your post made me remember.  I think I'm better off.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: Need some opinions.

[ Edited ]

I'm sorry, I'm on her side. I would not want to plan my vacation in a new country based on the same 5-minute time you could both be in the same town. The day you want to be in Rome, she may want to be in Venice ... or Florence, or Positano. Coordinating a trip in the same city is one thing, but you're trying to coordinate a 5-minute visit in a trip to an entire country.

This reminds me when I lived in San Francisco and people from New York would call me and say, "I'm in Los Angeles, let's get lunch!" No, that's 7 hours away. Now I live in Texas and people fly into Dallas and say, "I'm in Texas, let's get lunch." No, Dallas is 3 hours away from Austin, where I am.

It's very difficult to coordinate when you are talking about a 5-minute time span where you might be anywhere in the whole country of Italy.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,178
Registered: ‎09-02-2010

@ChynnaBlue wrote:

I'm sorry, I'm on her side. I would not want to plan my vacation in a new country based on the same 5-minute time you could both be in the same town. The day you want to be in Rome, she may want to be in Venice ... or Florence, or Positano. Coordinating a trip in the same city is one thing, but you're trying to coordinate a 5-minute visit in a trip to an entire country.

This reminds me when I lived in San Francisco and people from New York would call me and say, "I'm in Los Angeles, let's get lunch!" No, that's 7 hours away. Now I live in Texas and people fly into Dallas and say, "I'm in Texas, let's get lunch." No, Dallas is 3 hours away from Austin, where I am.

It's very difficult to coordinate when you are talking about a 5-minute time span where you might be anywhere in the whole country of Italy.


LOL, I can relate.  And it's an anniversary they probably don't want to get hung up by anything but themselves.

~~
*Off The Deep End~A very short trip for some!*
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,309
Registered: ‎10-15-2010

I think that she is awfully full of herself. That has happened to me with people I've known for a long time including family.

 

Some people over the years begin to have an inflated sense of self and a deflated view of others. She sounds very self-centered and I say good riddance.

 

Now you really know who you are dealing with. She burned the bridge with you. She may feel that she doesn't need to bother with you or her other friend now but life has a way to bring people down from their self-made pedestals!!! I've seen it happen so many times.

 

I know you feel bad, it's understandable. You were being nice and it's your cousin after all. 

~Live with Intention~