Among Friends

[Posh Poodle]

@CherryHugs   My sister and I were sensitive children growing up--her more than me. So my parents enrolled us in various sports and music programs to amp up our self-esteem and confidence. She took swimming, ballet and violin. I took piano, swimming, karate. We both played soccer. It did us a world of good to grow into self identifies and expended energy and boosted endorphins.

Do you have a hobby or talent you could really sink your teeth into? Or have you ever wanted to learn something new?

[CherryHugs]

I am so happy that no one commented that I was just feeling sorry for myself. Cuz that is not it at all. I was only stating how I was feeling and what was happening and I really appreciate all of the understanding and advice!!

We do go less often to any of the times that everyone gets together but it makes me feel sad to not feel a part of it all.  

[Regal Bee]

@CherryHugs   You are so young, darling. When you learn to love who you are...everything will change. Hang in there....it will happen. 

[RetRN]

It is a shame that you are shunned and treated this way. I believe they are jealous of you. Notice posters on this board, there are many who you can tell are jealous of others. They never post a kind or caring word to those who are ill or struggling. That tells me all I need to know about them. I'm sure you are beautiful inside and out. I hope you have friends and co-workers that you can share happiness with.

[Growing]

I hope you can begin to see this is not about you as you. But it is about them needing to have someone they exclude or ostracize so they feel superior or better about themselves. 

You are fine as you are. Go to these gatherings with a smile, and learn to not personalize their behaviors. You matter, you have value and worth. Not everyone shares our values. 

If you want, you might try listening and observing them with some detachment. Maybe they are all insecure or in competition with each other in some sly way and the compliments are meant to keep them in the "in-group". Maybe it is more pretend than you realize? 

The goal of this stuff is usually to make someone be in the "out-group" so they can feel superior due to being in the fake "in-group". It is not about us as us, it is about them and something damaged or twisted within them. 

My husband's family was like this. They all were so insecure and had a difficult, unloved childhood, that they fought tooth and nail to be in the "in-group". Someone was always put in the "out-group", depends on who they wanted to demean that day or month. We got to appreciate being in the "out-group" as we didn't want to play this game. Our values were different. 

[Posh Poodle]

@CherryHugs   wanted to check in on you today? Feeling any better?

[DrakesMomma]

@CherryHugs  -  I think your husband is completely correct!  

Here is what I know - you are stronger than you are aware. 

My mother-in-law has known me for 36 years.  In that entire time she has never told me I look nice, I do something well, I'm doing a good job with our son, nothing at all.  Sometimes my husband will say to me "mom said" this kind thing about you.  I don't believe it for one minute.   

[SportyShorty07]

@CherryHugs   I bet you're beautiful and you have a lovely husband who thinks you're beautiful too.  There's a famous 80's Pantene commercial starring Kelly Le Brock and she looks confidently into the camera and says, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!"- wouldn't it be nice to waltz into a room and feel that way or even say it out loud ? Well you can- and just let insecurities fade away, do a fashion show in front of the mirror, and pay no mind to clicky girl groups complimenting only eachother- maybe they're just jealous.  . 

     I worked at Coach selling handbags and I wore stilettos, a dress, perfect hair, great makeup everyday and I'm beautiful and I was objectively the prettiest one working there, yet not a single one of them complimented me and they only complimented eachother.  I'd compliment them and I was always kind to them and very helpful and fun on the job.  I realized that I was the "new girl" at that job for the whole 2 years I worked there and that for whatever reason I'd never be integrated into their clicky friend group- and that was ok. I can't win them all and its their loss. 

     There's a phrase from a little Hallmark trinket that I had that's always stuck with me "Always be your own kind of beautiful".  We're not competing with fake filtered instagram influencer photos or celebrities that have extensive plastic surgeries and access to stylists, chefs and hairdressers on call 24/7- we're competing with our image in the mirror and making an effort to look our very best and feel our very best each day.    Rock your looks!!! You've got it!  Happy Holidays!   

[CherryHugs]

Sounds like this stuff has happened to many others! It is sad though when ppl cannot say something nice to someone. It could make them smile or make them happy or make their day.

I have never been someone to be stingy with saying nice things to others or to compliment them. In an honest way, not fake or just saying things I think they wanna hear.

Truly appreciate all of the feedback here and it makes me feel so good!

This is my plan with Gods help when I am with all of them for holidays:

Wear what I feel comfortable in so I can be relaxted. ( But look nice too )

Relax and take a deep breath. Keep postive thoughts in my mind throughout so I dont start thinking negatively.

Plus send silent love thoughts out into the room. I read this yesterday online that Norman V Peale said to do that!!

Thank you all again so very much from the bottom of my heart.

[CherryHugs]