Among Friends

[CherryHugs]

I am 37 yrs old and should not need to get compliments from anyone!

But I rarely ever have gotten compliments from friends.

My Step Family has not given me any compliments in the 3 years I have known them. I mean not any! For how I look or am dressed, things I have done, nothing at all.

Yet they give each other in the family compliments all of the time! 

Being an insecure person without alot of self confidence-or-self esteem and being an introvert....All of this makes me feel so insecure!  Like I feel ugly or look stupid.

I always try and look my best with hair, clothes, makeup. I try to be friendly even though I feel shy and quiet! Plus I have a good sense of humor and say positive things when around others!

I feel Im a good person, and a nice person and good friend.  I treat others with  kindness and have respect for them.

Just not sure what to do to feel secure in how I am dressed or how I look when not one person says anything. 

It makes me feel very insecure and unworthy  person.  I know it sounds silly!

Has anyone here dealt with any of this? Has anything worked in dealing with this type of thing?

Oh, and I compliment others if I like their hair or outfit etc.

I am not sure I am   explaining all of this so it is understandable in how I feel.

[Imaoldhippie]

Your step-family sounds utterly jealous of you.  Its hard when you have the issues you named, but try your best to ignore them and know you look fabulous!

Dont know what happend to the print size.  Sorry.

[Ronettes]

I feel the same as you, sometimes getting that 'left out' feeling as well.

I moved on from many of those people, even though some of them were family, because they made me feel even worse about myself.

I found new friends and a new life, not everyone is going to be like your family.

I learned to make the best of myself - hair, makeup, clothing styles to flatter my personal self, and not to worry about what anyone else thinks, what would it matter if they liked something I wore or how I looked?

Being happy with oneself is more important than the opinion of others.  Took me time to learn that!

[ThinkingOutLoud]

Looking for something outside yourself will always leave you lacking. There's always room for 'that wasn't sincere enough, not what I was hoping to be commented on, not...not...not...'.

I don't care about compliments, especially about my looks. I prefer to be noticed for my talents, skills, abilities, kindnesses, contributions, etc.

[ciao_bella]

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@CherryHugs wrote:

I am 37 yrs old and should not need to get compliments from anyone!

But I rarely ever have gotten compliments from friends.

My Step Family has not given me any compliments in the 3 years I have known them. I mean not any! For how I look or am dressed, things I have done, nothing at all.

Yet they give each other in the family compliments all of the time! 

Being an insecure person without alot of self confidence-or-self esteem and being an introvert....All of this makes me feel so insecure! I hate being around them but at times I need to be.

I always try and look my best with hair, clothes, makeup. I try to be friendly even though I feel shy and quiet!

I feel Im a good person, kind person, nice person! I treat others with respect and I am a positive not negative person too.

Just not sure what to do to feel secure in how I am dressed or how I look when not one person says anything.  It makes me feel very insecure and unworthy of anything.

Has anyone here dealt with any of this? Has anything worked in dealing with this type of thing?

Oh, and I compliment others if I like their hair or outfit etc.

I am not sure I am   explaining all of this so it is understandable!

@CherryHugs    Know that you don't need to get the validation of others in order to determine who you are.   I'm not a psychologist or any kind of therapist,  nor have I had any kind of training on this topic, but my life experiences have taught me that so long as I define the type of person I want to be and am - confident, intelligent, honest, dependable, loyal, sincere, beautiful, bright etc. - when others  don't compliment me, they're only affirming what I already know to be true of myself.

Even though you have an issue with your self esteem and it is not being helped by those who repeatedly ignore complimenting you,  I'd suggest that at the very least you start to listen to and believe only the good and positive things that other people say about you and not the negative behavior of your Step Family. . At the same time, start to think positively about yourself - really look for and highlight some qualities about yourself and affirm them to yourself, out loud. Limiting your exposure to these people as much as possible is probably best, but it's difficult to and can't always be helped.  So, when you do have to be in their company, hold your head up high, walk in the room like a confident diva and the heck with them and their jealouos behavior, because that's exactly what it is - jealous that they would feel less important about themselves if they complimented you.   

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[Queen of shop]

@CherryHugs  Because you are dazzling and they are jealous of you.

Always be YOU and do YOU. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. No one can dim your light unless you allow them to. Shine on.

[Snowpuppy]

Never look for your image in a cracked mirror.

What makes their knowledge so superior to your own ?

[KittySoftPaws]

First thing is, it's rare for Women to compliment one another, sad but true. I do sometimes, but it's rare, and when I do it does mean alot because we as Women all know we don't do it. Secondly, continue to dress and make yourself look and feel good, but do it for you, not for anyone else. When we let others dicate our feelings of self worth we are bound to be dissapointed. Keep in mind, most people don't even like themselves! All you are doing is setting yourself up for dispointment over and again. Thirdly, you are young and with age you will learn these things through experience and you will become more confident. I'm 56 and trust me, you will. Until then, stop worrying about it and if it happens great, if not, so what. Lastly, stop labeling yourself with such negative descriptions. Instead, use positive ones. You can become what you beleive and tell yourself. 

[BirkiLady]

Be comfortable with your inner self and you won't need compliments from anyone.

The grab for attention of outer beauty is a plea for instant comfort, but has little to do with a person's real worth. What about integrity, thoughtfulness, kindness, intelligence, honesty and other qualities which are far more valuable in all situations that physical beauty or a well-dressed appearance?

Perhaps you need to be more interesting, fun or helpful to those around you than concerned about your appearance. Inner graces shine brightest. 

[Malcontent]

@CherryHugs 

Easier said than done, but your existence isn’t about what others think about you.

Perhaps, you weigh too much on what others think?

You’re a good person, that’s enough.

Bless You!