Among Friends

[Puppy Lips]

How great for you to have wonderful in-laws.  I too was blessed in that way.  My father in law was fantastic.  He always made me feel welcome.  He was very gracious.  Sadly, he passed away a few years ago.  It took me awhile to warm up to my mother in law.  I would not say that we are particularly close.  Now that she is in her early ninties, I see her differently.  She used to scare me a bit.  Now I wonder why I ever felt that way.

[grandmadiane]

It is wonderful to here that you have had such a wonderful experience with your in laws. I have been married twice my first husbands mother was a wonderful person, his father passed away when he was a child my ex husband has passed away and his family still keeps in touch with me to this day. My second husband his mother never liked me from the start and has treated me badly for the past 26 yrs. Unfortunately she lives with us now because she has been kicked out of every place( senior apts, assistant living places) she has lived and no one wants to put up with her and she makes my life miserable. I am so glad that you are blessed with wonderful inlaws wish I was that fortunate the second time around:

[RedTop]

My MIL was a very controlling woman, who had favorites among her children;  I married one of her not so favorite children.  To say she was hard to get along with is an understatement, as everything had to be done her way, or it was done wrong.   She resented being a grandmother in her 40's, and the first grandchildren (all boys) were not blessed with much more than a tolerable relationship with her.   By the time my daughters were born, my MIL was more accepting about being a grandmother, but my girls always sensed something they described as "fake" with her, and were never close to grandma.   Neither daughter ever spent the night at grandma's house, nor wanted to spend time with her, unless my husband and I were there too.  And as soon as each grandchild turned 18, there were no more gifts from grandma, unless they married and had babies.   

My MIL has been gone 4 years, and Christmas is the time of year we feel her absence most.  Starting with the first Christmas after the oldest son married, my MIL dominated Christmas Day from 4 p.m. until usually 9 p.m.   She started a tradition and insisted on compliance from her children.  No one was ever asked what worked for them, and in time it became quite clear the older grandchildren didn't want to be there, nor her children who were in their 50's.   My MIL absolutely refused to change anything about the Christmas Day gathering---because she was afraid she would be home alone.  The first Christmas she was gone, the children decided it was past time for them to have their own family celebrations, so they declared the Christmas Day gathering officially over!   They all live within 10 miles of each other, so they gather at other times during the year, but do their own thing at Christmas.  My children were in their 30's before ever getting the chance to spend the last part of Christmas Day at home, or in whatever way they choose.   

[Peaches McPhee]

I agree that inlaw relationships are not always contencious.  I have a good relationship with my inlaws.  My MIL in not my favorite person in the world, nor am I her's, but we do ok.  

[Keeper of the koi]

Thank you all for the replies! I am very happy to know many of you were blessed as I to have a beautiful relationship with your in-laws. I am sad for those that don't. They really contribute so much to our lives. Happy holidays dear posters! Maryanne

[Libbylady]

I just came back from lunch with one of my DIL's mother.  I feel so lucky that 2 out of 3 of my DIL's moms have become good friends.  We share the joy of the grand children, and our children have no issues about inviting both families to holiday events.

One son & his wife have such a hard time dividing their time between her family and his (us) since her parents refuse to socialize with non-Catholics.  Since DH & I are not at all religious, we didn't stand a chance with them from the start.  They are good to our son, so whatever.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that good family relations with in-laws can be expanded beyond the initial couples, and everyone benefits.

[jubilant]

My mother always called my Dad's mother "her second mom".

[Susan in California]

@Keeper of the koi

I absolutely loved your post.  It was wonderful in every way to read.  It also made me realize how important it is as a mother-in-law (and father-in-law) to  love your

children's spouses like your own children.  And to let them know you love them.

Our two sons are married, and we love our daughter-in-laws so much!  They

are great women, and they love our sons and our two darling granddaughters so

much.  We feel blessed that we don't have to worry too much about them or our

grandchildren and how they are cared for or loved.  Thank you so much for your

post.  You sound like such a sweet person.  Your in-laws love you very much probably for a good reason. 

[pommom]

I, too, was blessed with great in-laws.  My MIL and I were like girl friends.  We shopped well together.  She was so helpful when we had her first, and only, grandchild.  Her banana pudding has yet to be replicated. My FIL was salt-of-the-earth.  Honest and open as the day is long.  DD and I would go fishing with him after she turned 4 and beyond.  Great, sweet memories.  May they RIP.