What Should I Do?

Thrive · ‎08-03-2011

My father passed away a couple of days ago. There is a dear female friend of his who got my number from my dad. She calls and drags me down with her. It is already difficult enough. In addition, I have MS and stress causes a flare up. She does not know about my MS because it's confidential. I don't know how to fix this situation with this lady. I already have enough stress on my own without her calling me. How can I handle this in a tasteful way?

elated · ‎06-09-2010

Why don't you tell her you are dealing with your own health conditions and can not handle any more stress? Losing your father only added to your health struggle. Tell her you will call her back when you are in a better place. Ask her to please understand your situation and you would appreciate your time to grieve over your loss. I hope this will help. I am sorry for your loss.

ladyroxanne · ‎03-09-2010

i am very sorry about the loss of your father. that is a truly devastating thing.

as far as this woman is concerned, i think you should come clean about your health condition. it's best to be upfront and how is she to know unless you tell her. this way she will be more sensitive (hopefully) and if you don't want her to tell anyone else, ask her not to. that's about the best you can do as far as i can see without completely alienating her.

best of luck to you.

nana59 · ‎05-12-2012

Tell her this is a very difficult time for you and you will be in touch with her once you start to feel better......

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

@elated wrote:
Why don't you tell her you are dealing with your own health conditions and can not handle any more stress? Losing your father only added to your health struggle. Tell her you will call her back when you are in a better place. Ask her to please understand your situation and you would appreciate your time to grieve over your loss. I hope this will help. I am sorry for your loss.

I would do this. If she continues to call, either cut her off and say I can't talk now and hang up or don't answer the phone.

Sorry for your loss.

chickenbutt · ‎03-09-2010

I'm sorry for your loss.

I don't think you owe her to tell her your specific health challenges, especially since you have chosen to keep them private, but you could just say, as somebody else mentioned, that you are having some health problems and you are just not able to handle the stress. She's not entitled to know more than that.

Or just stop answering the phone, I guess.

Trix · ‎03-16-2010

First of all I'm sorry for your loss. Dealing with death at any time is hard, but when it occurs during what is supposed to be the most happy time of year the strain increases. Having to deal with a stressful and unpredictable medical condition adds to your troubles. If it were me I would thank the lady for calling and extending a gesture of friendship, but cut calls short. When she calls if you choose to take the call, then make up an excuse to cut it off on your terms. I usually say something like I have to get going to make an engagement, or there's someone at the door. You can also be honest and say thanks for calling, but I'm not feeling up for conversation right now and we'll get together soon. You can stop taking her calls, but personally I find that rude since you've allowed the door of communication to open.

Whatever you do god bless you as you struggle through this most difficult period.

jackthebear · ‎03-11-2010

OP

First sorry to hear about the death of your Dad.

I have a couple of ideas

Is there someone living with you who can run interference and answer the phone, and say you can't come to phone right now. There is absolutely no reason for you to be chit chatting on the phone to someone you don't really know.

If not just let your answering machine pick it up and don't feel guilty about it. The lady should have some manners

Keeper of the koi · ‎12-14-2015

Furry, please accept mmy condolences .As someone with a serious illness I agree stress is not good. You simply need to tell this woman you are overwhelmed at present. Take her number tell her you will get back to her. She should understand . if not reiterate you are not trying to be rude but under stress , no need to give personal info. Take care of yourself dear one....Maryanne

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Furry wrote:
My father passed away a couple of days ago. There is a dear female friend of his who got my number from my dad. She calls and drags me down with her. It is already difficult enough. In addition, I have MS and stress causes a flare up. She does not know about my MS because it's confidential. I don't know how to fix this situation with this lady. I already have enough stress on my own without her calling me. How can I handle this in a tasteful way?

**********************

I hope I can give you some helpful advice. I have lupus and stress like you are going through can bring on a flare.

You have to learn to say no, you have to learn to protect yourself. I say that with kindness and understanding because I have been there and I know it's not always easy to put your health before others.

You can say something like, "I am sorry I can't talk right now, I need to rest, this is a difficult time for me."

You have to be firm because many people will push their needs on you.

Please accept my sympathy on the loss of your father. I wish you all the best