Re: How do you explain heartbreak?

elated · ‎06-09-2010

I am so sorry about your . il_794xN.5716744887_qjt9.jpg DH. I think people say things without thinking how it effects another person grieving. There is no words to protect your heart from breaking. This was a lifelong commitment. Take care of yourself. Sending my prayers to you.

sarahpanda · ‎03-11-2010

@elated Thank you - and thank you for the beautiful photo.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

@sarahpanda wrote:
My DH will be passing from this life into the next in a matter of just a few days. When I even think about it, the heartbreak is overwheling, awash in tears. Yesterday, someone said to me ' Well, we all have to die, he won't be suffering anymore'', blah, blah, blah. What she doesn't compute is I know all of that - but having my DH disappear from my life will be soul shaking for me - and the ''reasoning'' she is doling out to me simply doesn't help my shattered heart. I get the impression she's saying 'well, just think about this (above) and it won't hurt so bad. NOT !!

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Give her the grace she should have given you. People don't know what to say and words come out all wrong sometimes. They are struggling with how to support you too.

Teddixat · ‎10-04-2010

@sarahpanda I believe people just don't know what to say at a time like this but feel they should. I know I don't - so if it's a friend, I just offer a hug and say I'm sorry.

manny2 · ‎05-24-2010

This is the part of life that really stinks.

There are no words that will soften the pain or loss. My heart goes out to you.

CANDLEQUEEN · ‎03-09-2010

@sarahpanda, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It can seem overwhelming, I am sure. May God Bless you and Your Family at this very very difficult time. Prayers to you and your family!!

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@sarahpanda I can't know but I can imagine, my husband is my only family. I pray for your comfort and peace.

Jersey Born · ‎03-10-2010

@sarahpanda - First, I am so sorry you are going through this terrible time. I wish you all the strength you need to get through the days ahead, and all the compassion that you deserve and need from others who are close to you. Insensitve people will say stupid things. That is a given.

I have a friend who is currently navigating her new life, without her husband, since December 2023. He died suddenly and unexpectedly in the middle of the night. My friend has a young adult son from a former marriage, and a daughter from her husband who died. There is a great intensity of grief she is experiencing, and it has not even begun to diminish. I hear her despair in the tone of her voice when I speak to her. I know that there is a hole in her heart and in her life and that it will take her however long it takes her to recover to the point that she does not feel breathless and devastated and overwhelmed from her loss. There is no "recovery timeline" for any person who experiences the loss of the love of their llfe.

You are going to have even more difficult days ahead, and I wish you the best in dealing with your pain at every moment. You will get through each day in intervals of grief, varying from excruciating to barely tolerable. I pray you will have friends and family members who understand how much pain you are feeling, and who will give you the freedom and respect to take whatever time you need to process the loss of your life partner. Take the time to grieve-- every single moment you need-- unapologetically. You owe no one any explanation for taking all the time you need for yourself, to find your bearings, and to experience and to process your grief, which is and which will continue to be considerable. I wish you a strong support network of people who know when and how to help you, and when to step back and hold their tongues.

Shanus · ‎05-17-2010

@sarahpanda I feel badly you're having to go through this awful, worst ever situation. That woman was so foolish to dismiss your pain and anguish.

I'm not sure how you handle the heartbreak and huge hole in the life you've become used to with a partner. I do know that with my husband who will be 80 this month (I'm a bit younger), I always think about "what if" and my heart breaks just thinking about being left alone after 55 years of marriage.

My only reference is my parents. They both lived until 90, my Mom was 8 yrs. younger and when my Dad passed away at 91, she was devasted. As the only child, I tried to ease her emptiness to no avail. I drove to her place seeveral times a week and took her to lunch, get her nails done, shopping, etc. and tried to keep her and her mind busy....but she wasn't even ready to attempt any of that for 2-3 months of crying and walking from room to room and sitting in his chair, moved to his side of the bed for comfort.

Everyone handles it differently and in their own time. Grief has many stages. Please be easy on yourself and know it does get better with time, but don't rush yourself. It's definitely a big change for you. Take care of yourself.

Shanus

ECBG · ‎01-08-2011

@Love my grandkids wrote:
@sarahpanda I'm so very sorry and that person should be slapped for saying that.

18 years ago my 10 year old GD died from a glioblastoma. Our family still feels it. My DH died in 2009 and it took me 3 days before I could shed a tear and then they came nonstop.

Everyone experiences it differently and you will too. I have no advice but to just let your feelings come.

And IGNORE ignorant and stupid remarks if you can.

I hope you will come here and talk when you feel the need.