Among Friends

[timeless]

I'm scrolling through shorts on YouTube and came across a channel called NurseHadley.  She's an hospice nurse.

The short I saw referenced a man who was dying who was having a lot of anxiety that medication didn't touch.  She called his doctor and he said, "What did the Chaplain say?"  She said he wasn't religious and she wasn't sure what he was going to do.

The doctor told her to please just call the Chaplain anyway.

The Chaplain came and the patient said it was okay for them to pray and right away after, the Chaplain said, "Sir, you have some unfinished business on this earth, don't you?"

And the patient said, "I don't know what you're talking about."

She says the Chaplain left and she was still there and she was still trying to give him medicine for his anxiety.  He finally turned to her after a couple of hours and said he needed to call his daugher. 

She says he called his daugher and apologized for everything he had done to her and she forgave him and then without medication he was able to pass peacefully.

My thoughts on this:

Is forgiveness a force that is recognized at death as something that is given to the wronged party as a gift?

In other words, if the one that wronged someone asks for forgiveness, are they actually giving the wronged person an opportunity for a gift (in the afterlife)?

I know this is a heavy topic on the anniversary 9/11, but I though maybe this man was actually asking for her to forgive him in order to pass on a gift to her as a way of saying he's truly sorry and the only way for her to receive that gift was for his daughter to forgive him.

[Sooner]

I think forgiveness is part of the do-unto-others ethic, or belief if you will.  By forgiving someone we have hope that we in turn will be forgiven.

I think it is about letting go of hate and anger when you forgive.  I also think that true forgiveness lies within ourselves and our ability to ask for forgiveness.

[Isobel Archer]

While I think that forgiveness benefits the wronged party in the sense that it allows them to let go of the anger that is eating away at them, I'm not sure how it becomes a gift to the wronged party in the afterlife.

In the example you gave, the "gift" to pass peacefully to the afterlife was to the one who committed the wrong and not to the wronged party.

I also think that being sorry for committing a wrong may or may not affect the wronged party's ability to forgive.  It can depend on how deeply hurt the wronged party was, for how long and to what extent they suffered from this wrong and even whether they are able to believe the person is truly sorry (particularly if the person has apologized previously and then continued the harmful behavior.)

Again, in terns of a "gift," it could be that in this case, the daughter (whether she actually forgave him or not) realizing that he was dying, told him she did in order to give him peace (even if she didn't have peace herself.)

[Isobel Archer]

I think when we pray - forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us - we are acknowledging that we all hurt others and that we need to give each other grace.

However, none of us are Jesus and significant harm done to us by someone cannot be easily dismissed as - we all just need to forgive.  Sometimes it takes years of counseling to get over what was done to us.  Yes, ultimately forgiveness is part of healing, but it doesn't happen easily sometimes.

[Love my grandkids]

I'll be perfectly honest. At 76 I can never and will never forgive my long-dead "sperm donor" for what he did to my family. Never. Ever. Judge if you want but you don't know what we went through.

I don't generally have a problem forgiving someone, whether they know of it or not, but not this time.

[luvmybeetle]

 @Sooner    That was very well said.  God bless.

[AngelPuppy1]

@timeless 

This is really a deep question and there will be many interpretations and answers.  I believe the person who needs to be forgiven for something that he or she has done benefits the most for the forgiveness.  Not forgiving someone is a heavy burden to carry around.  Of course, if something has been done to a person and no apology has been given, especially if it's for a long period of time, this also damages this person.  And to be given an apology also gives them a release of this grievance.  It is, I believe, so beneficial to both parties.  Not to get too religious here, but we are to try to forgive everyone.  If we offer an apology and it is sincere, and this person does not accept it, then that is on them. We are basically freed from that responsibility.   

[Shanus]

Why wait until death to forgive or ask for it? I try to practice this whenever I hurt someone and those close to me also have asked for forgiveness for something minor or major that was done or said. 

We have a holiday next month Yom Kippur that is based on forgiveness and marked by a 24 hour fast.

....and what about who go for confession and light a candle? 

[CrazyDaisy]

Forgiveness is a gift to both parties.  Who wants to live with hate in their life, that is a heavy burden.

[Imaoldhippie]

@timeless ...........To forgive your enemies is a gift to give yourself.  To forgive is not an easy task.