Among Friends

[Shanus]

I'm thinking Covid, hearing about health issues and losses hardened many people and caused them to be introspective.

Many became selfish and even "crossed friends" off their list preferring to concentrate on their own lives. Selfishness to me.

[on the bay]

I think there will always be very caring people who always think of others and then there are those who just do not and can only have the capacity to care for themselves whether from lack of care for others or dealing with overwhleming things themselves, including depression.

Aside from those, if we are lucky, to have caring family and one or 2 good friends, I've learned that I have to reach out too because relationships that last take effort from both.

I also know when even with my family or close friends, when I don't hear from them, they are having a hard time or depressed.

Then there are times when I am having a hard time too and just have a hard time reaching out to anyone.

So for those that matter to me, I will reach out and then there are others who I will sometimes whether they do or not.

There are people we never want to lose touch with and those who like a friend said about life-some people are there for only a season in our lives. And some we want to have forever.

Still I know it is disappointing when people you thought cared or were close to, never reach out especially if they know you are having a hard time, and especially when you feel you have put a lot into a friendship or like in church been there for so many others. That is when it is easy to lose faith in people.

But then sometimes we have to be that person who cares and reaches out because I bet there is a lonely person on the other side of the phone or mailbox who needs us too!

If we were neighbors @Black Cat Back, I would visit together with you!

[sugarbee]

@RedTopWIsh I lived closer home so I could visit with your husband and mom to give you some relief.  It is so hard to be the one and only care giver.  Taking time to stay in touch with other family and friends is a true gift from you and I knows brightens their days when the mail arrives.

[on the bay]

@Black Cat Back, @RedTop, and many other caring people here! You know what I've noticed?

The people I care about even though they don't call or text, I still call them or text every so often and they always say they are so glad I called and that makes me happy. They may not be the kind of people that reach out for whatever reasons but they too appreciate a call or text or letter.

I do think in the long run however that it is worth it and we will receive the reward. So don't stop being the caring people that you are. And some way it will be returned in some way.You will know that you have not stopped being who you are.

And another thing I realized, when someone comes into my thoughts, I've learned not to wait and to call them or text. It never fails that they may have been thinking of me too or been very glad I reached out!

[RetRN]

Sadly, there are people who care about others and those who do not. It is a sad reality. The "it's all about me" mentality is still going strong. The frequent I'm so busy excuse is something I don't buy. It takes only a short amount of time to text, call, send a card, or a short note. I do believe that lonliness is an epidemic in our country. 

[ThinkingOutLoud]

First, I'm sorry to all those who feel forgotten and lonely. ((hugs))

Second, this sure makes me even more grateful for my church network.

Third, I'd send a note to those who need one but since we can't disclose personal info here, please search for 'the angel card project' (facebook or dot com). There are people who care and they send cards throughout the year for various reasons (get well, pick me up, birthdays, holidays,etc).

[occasionalrain]

Lately, it seems people are obsessed with privacy and don't want to be thought intrusive by calling or texting others without something of importance to impart.. I'm fortunate to live in a friendly neighborhood, many are out walking their dogs, and always wave to anyone passing by. Since your moving, do a drive through potential neighborhoods, if everyone you drive by waves, move there. Right now, your in an unsuitable local and work with people whose only interest is their family. Short sighted on their part, because soon their children will be on their own, involved in their own lives, and some will be posting how their children never call or visit. 

[haddon9]

I have a close friend who rarely calls or texts.  Yet she seems happy to hear from me when I get in touch.   I've asked myself if I never make the effort would we still be friends?  ...Does she care?  Yet she seems so VERY happy when I call and make arrangements to get together. 

Every Christmas we do our holiday thing....do some shopping at a fun place (Peddler's Village in PA) then lunch and exchange gifts.  We have been doing this for more than 25 years and several times she has told me that she loves me and our friendship at that time...yet she never calls.  I can only assume that this is just her personality and to accept it unless I pointedly ask and tell her how I feel which makes me uncomfortable.

I have another "friend" who I have decided to no longer get together with.  The pandemic was the perfect excuse to stop seeing one another. 

I have known her since we were 12 years old.  We were in each other's weddings, etc. and I used to think she was my "best friend". 

However over the years she has been very critical and negative towards me.  She always has to say something to bring me down and I'm fed up.  I don't think she can change.  I know part of the reason is because she had to work full time while raising our kids and I didn't....how dare I have nice things while not having to work.  I have made an effort to not bring up new purchases or vacations but it still annoys her.  I think this is ridiculous since our "kids" are now in their mid to late thirties and she is retired.

I simply can't be around the negativity which has continued and is not good for my health.  This makes me sad....last but not least she's also very extreme about her politics and can't understand why I'm more moderate.

[occasionalrain]

@haddon9 

Your friend who never calls may have been brought up not to be a bother. She may feel her calls to you would be received at an unfavorable time or that she would be seen as a bother. People who have been unpopular at school, been excluded, or whose attempts at friendships have been rejected, often fear overstepping. When you contact her, she's reassured that you still want to be friends.

[haddon9]

@occasionalrain That is a possibility that I had not thought of.  She does tend to be a people pleaser and volunteers for a lot of things. 

Thanks for your input!