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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,775
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Checking In on People - It's a Gift

I saw this article and think it needs to be shared.   You don't know that maybe one of your friends or neighbors needs to know someone is thinking of them.   It takes no time to do a " check in."   You can change someone's life.   There is nothing more lonely, scary and sad then having no one checking in to see if you are ok, especially when they know you are going through a tough time.  Some people just need to know they have a support system because some people are all alone with none.   Even your friends with family can use a kind check once in awhile. 

 

For the lonely and alone, not checking in could be the difference between them feeling cared about and feeling desperate.

 

A call, a text, it really isn't that much of an effort and could save someone's life.

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/11/well/family/check-in-text-friendship.html

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,358
Registered: ‎04-25-2020

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift


@Black Cat Back wrote:

I saw this article and think it needs to be shared.   You don't know that maybe one of your friends or neighbors needs to know someone is thinking of them.   It takes no time to do a " check in."   You can change someone's life.   There is nothing more lonely, scary and sad then having no one checking in to see if you are ok, especially when they know you are going through a tough time.  Some people just need to know they have a support system because some people are all alone with none.   Even your friends with family can use a kind check once in awhile. 

 

For the lonely and alone, not checking in could be the difference between them feeling cared about and feeling desperate.

 

A call, a text, it really isn't that much of an effort and could save someone's life.

 

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/11/well/family/check-in-text-friendship.html


@Black Cat Back    Amen to this....

I would give everything I own just to have you back again.......David Gates of Bread
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Posts: 535
Registered: ‎01-05-2020

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

@Black Cat Back 

 

Well said!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,766
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

Yes, I totally agree!  


Every week I mail out cards and notes to family and friends who need a lift.  The friends I have left all have personal health issues or help aging family members with issues.   The extended family I have left are not close by, do not have computers or cell phones, and have hearing problems that make phone calls a waste of time.  They love mail, and hang onto my cards which helps them keep up with my updates about my husbands cancer and moms dementia.  

In the 8 months my husband has dealt with cancer, he has received 2 cards, 2 visits from his family, and maybe 4 calls from his family.  I just shake my head.  

Mom was very active in the womens circle at church prior to her dementia diagnosis.  She could always be counted on to cook food and help in the kitchen when the group fed a family after a funeral; either at the church or when the meal was delivered to the home.   Does anyone remember my mother?  NO.  

 

Rarely ever does she receive a card or note in the mail.  Regardless of what I have going on, I do my best to stay in touch with my family and friends, and let them know I do care.  

 

Contributor
Posts: 65
Registered: ‎10-31-2020

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

@RedTop  I'm sad for you & your husband that he has only recd so few cards, calls or visits. Sad too for your mom, you do sooo much for her, nobody from her church or social group keeps in touch with her. I guess the old saying "out of sight out of mind" could apply - I think too that so many folks just have a hard time dealing with other peoples "sickness & health issues" they don't know what to say or how to cope with the situatiion. My prayers continue with your family!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,775
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

[ Edited ]

Even in my most difficult times (and I have many of late) I still reach out to my "friends" to check in on them.   I check on family members of theirs I've never met when I find out they are ill or having some kind of medical procedure.  

 

But my friends know I'm alone with no family whatsoever or support system, and still, I never get a check in.  I laugh thinking if I fell on my kitchen floor on Friday night and had head trauma, no one would know until I didn't show up at work.  I rarely get any calls or texts on the weekends. 

 

Texting is so easy.  You can take 2 min and text someone and it doesn't interrupt your life.   But, so many don't.   I would be filled up if someone texted me or called just to say hi and see how I'm doing.  

 

I was walking in my neighborhood earlier this week (and I don't have very friendly neighbors).  I walked past a house where the residents are fairly new.  The lady getting her paper waved at me.  I was surprised and touched.  I left a note on her door later in the day thanking her for the wave and how much it made my day.   I explained that most people in our neighborhood never say hello.   But her simple kind gesture (and I know it's not a check in) gave me hope that day.  

 

My point being is I walked back to her house to say thank you.  It was out of my way, but it was worth it for me to do.  Yet my "friends" can't even text to say hi knowing today is Yom Kippur and I'm all alone with no family, or text to see if I am ok and it takes only a minute of their time to do so. 

 

People forget how to be human anymore.  Humanity is not really there much anymore.  But, I'll still check on  my friends' grandkids or their husbands or kids... just hope they appreciate it. 

 

Most people don't have a clue what being truly alone means... no family, no support system... they can't fathom having no family, even at a distance.  It's a lonely and scary and very difficult thing to live with everyday.   I'm basically all I have in the world.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,873
Registered: ‎10-30-2010

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

@Black Cat Back 

 

I hate reading about people being so alone. I do not know if your health issues keep you from getting around. You mentioned walking in your neighborhood. 

 

Have you looked into groups in your area that might offer book clubs,  or activities with like minded people that you worship with? Walking groups perhaps.

 

Activities with co-workers. 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,775
Registered: ‎03-21-2010

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

[ Edited ]

@icezeus 

 

I appreciate your suggestions.  Right now I'm dealing with a life changing issue of having to move out of my rental of 20 years because the owner died and also dealing with depression.  It's hard for me to get out of bed some days. 

 

Coworkers are all married or have family. They know I have no family, but I'm still not invited to join them for Thanksgiving.  Before Covid, I went and served at the Salvation Army.   I came from a home where my Mom would invite anyone she knew was alone, divorced, widowed, or school mates of mine who didn't go home for the holidays.   Our home was open to those who needed the company, especially on holidays.

 

I work 40 hours a week and don't have a lot of time to socialize these days. 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,291
Registered: ‎06-15-2015

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

@Black Cat Back 

 

I agree with everything said in your post starting this thread. Then comes reality! Not going to bother you with my personal experiences, other than to say this.

 

I ran an Adult Hockey League, by myself, for over 52 years. Anyone that knows the game of hockey, understands it is not played, at any level, without a lot of risks. Over those decades many players were seriously injured, and others had close family members die.

 

My Directory included every players way of contacts, and if married, their wife's name also. I was never too busy working/reffing Youth Hockey/and living my Independent life, to take time to check on every injured player. There was always at least 50-75 players involved in my league.

 

This wasn't because they were "lonely", it was because I cared how they were doing. It had little to do with their ever playing hockey again, it had to do with the effect on them and those close to them.

 

It would surprise me if anyone here would have anything negative to say about following what was said in your post. However, people say a lot of things, but when it comes to following through?  I have experienced enough during my many years to understand real life.

 

Appreciate you starting this thread, now if only!

 

hckynut  🇺🇸

 

 

hckynut(john)
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Posts: 2,382
Registered: ‎07-18-2015

Re: Checking In on People - It's a Gift

@Black Cat Back 

I read your post and was immediately moved by what you wrote. I have no sure ways of helping you, but want you to know how unhappy I am too at the seemingly uncaring people. I think they are so involved in their own lives that they are just not thinking.

I don't think it is deliberate, but still, I hope some will see your post and remember that some one they know might like or need a touch of kindness.

I don't know you, but you will still be in my thoughts.